I need your prayers!!!

You are absolutely right, Nannynoo, in saying that you need to focus on your DGS in order to do the best for him and for everyone in the family.
You are making sure that you stay strong and able to put his interests first.

Your DD may need to revisit the past, to try to sort herself out, but she should do it with a counsellor who may be able to help her to take responsibility for herself, as she should do.

I hope you are able to have your DGS to live with you soon and that, one day, your DD can return to herself and be the mother that she must want to be.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I hope your lovely flowers stand up to the odd football landing in the midst of them.

Have just picked up this thread Nannynoo and am feeling for you. This is such an awful situation but you come across as being very focused on how you are going to deal with it. I think you are completely right to concentrate on doing the best for your DGS rather than DD. Only she can sort herself out, and that won't happen until she fully understands this. And looking after yourself too is so important. A counsellor once made the analogy to me of the oxygen mask on a plane - put on your own before helping others, otherwise you will be of no use.

Your DD sounds a very unhappy person and hopefully she is getting the professional help she badly needs.

Has anyone else asked if you have contacted Al-anon?

((Hugs))

Looool Jinglebellsfrocks I am hoping the plants are quite hardy , but my GS did trample through the inlaws spinach patch when he was little so what with the dog and my GS , saving my plants will be quite a job! lol

There are 2 things which have kept me going in all this ;

1/ The 2 hour visits I get with my GS once a week , happy time

And 2/ Focusing on and thinking about my GS who is my inspiration and his future happiness and security

I do need my GS to be SAFE , happy and secure and I have asked the mods to remove my previous post as there is too much information in it

His safety is my priority and motivation though and that means safe from ALCOHOLISM! He needs to be away from ALL that , he indeed needs a haven! x

Am looking forward to the family get togethers , he is loved and safe with us

I should think the 5 hours the carer's niece spends with her (and your GS) has been organised by someone / some dept other than whoever deals with your DD's contact time.

Could you raise it with your GS's social worker (or whoever it is) to check if they are aware of the situation?

But why does her niece need to be AROUND my GS?

He has been subjected to way too much of this sort of thing already to be exposed to it even more in the place of 'safety'

Will have to find out the details from the SW even though I personally do not feel comfortable with it

I have spoken to two people in authority and both of them say it doesn't sound right and my family members are none to pleased about it either but I am glad I know so it can be sorted / my mind put at ease xx

I am so glad we found out as would rather know than not know about the safeguarding of my GS in this situation as we tend to have 'blind faith' about these things but I would rather know the actual facts since he has been exposed to too much of this sort of thing already and I need my concerns to be addressed and understandably so does the family! x

It should get sorted after the bank holiday

Am going to be doing lots of work in the garden this weekend and some family members are coming round to help me , and drink tea and eat cake! lol x

I'm quite sure this person doesn't have to be around your GS. Even if there turns out to be no problem with her, it is causing anxiety for you.
I hope you get it sorted out and in the meantime, enjoy the garden and tea & cake.

I am still angry about things - I don't see why someone who is very likely not allowed 5 hours with their own children at this stage is then allowed to spend 5 hours with my GS and doubt very much it is a one off!!!

I had the briefest of reads of the deleted post yesterday evening when I got in and was going to catch up this morning.

I doubt that the niece does have to be around.

From what I can rememebr of this sort of thing, a person, when they decide to foster, has to tell social services about the significant people in their lives, which persumably, in this foster carers case, would involve her niece. And, from whenever the fc started fostering, the niece would have had some brief checks.
What happens when someone has been fostering for a while as regards checks of those significant people on an ongoing basis, I do not know.
I expect some other gransnetters know.

Thanks soontobe - I presume there would have to be 1/ disclosure and 2/ Safeguarding measures put in place even before the placement started

It would be something they would have to be clear on , as a family as well

The checks would not have come back favourably on the Niece if they were done on her and am not sure what checks were done on the sister but even with disclosing the information there would have had to be a PLAN in place and an agreement about keeping the child / children safe

If someone is sober at the time it does not mean their behaviour is stable or rational especially in the early days and it is very important what children are exposed to especially as they may have left a similar enviroment and therefore need to be protected from being exposed to the same / similar thing again

It is important who is allowed round the children and in what setting but to be honest in any setting even a day trip I do not find it acceptable for any child in care to be around those behaviours which go with alcoholism even if the person is newly dry at the time and I do wonder if this has been an ongoing thing throughout the whole placement

Not sure how relaxed things have been re the family members and maybe it is a safety in numbers thing if the rest of the family are there at the time but am still not happy about my GS being around both family members to be honest as it is the very thing he needs to be protected from and be away from

It is typical something like this comes to light over a bank holiday weekend which is frustrating
but at least by Tuesday I can be nice and calm with the SW when we discuss the matter but I do not want to be fobbed off with words and then still have concerns about where he is / knowing the safeguards are DEFINITELY in place always , not just verbally

I do feel anxious about the situation which is natural as I need to be at peace about where my GS is and what / who he is exposed to and this has to be a very real safeguard as I am trusting this person / family with the care of my GS and need to be at peace about it not just have ''blind faith'' that everything is ok as I am not ok about what has occured

I feel for you, Nannynoo. You definitely didn't need this to crop up.
Maybe you could write down all your points that you will want to make about the situation. That could help to clear your mind.
You could then also put the points into a letter to send or hand over, backing up what you will say verbally to the SWs.

FarNorth you are so right , was thinking to myself I could really do without this on top of everything else!!!

Anyway , had a LOVELY visit with my GS today , the best ever in fact!

It was so calm and peaceful , we bonded so well , at one point he lay his head on my arm so sweetly I hated to tell him to sit up as he was eating at the time and didn't want him to choke but it felt like ''yes , you can keep your head there FOREVER!''

We are bonding again and the love is still there , he stopped 'looking back' when he left the previous few times but today he looked back 3 times

We 'cooked' some banana and peanut butter cakes in the microwave as there is no cooker there but the internet has loads of healthy sugar free recipes for cakes which you can cook in the microwave in just 1-2 mins!

He was really good at mashing the banana and doing the mixing - He always used to love baking at Nannys house!

And he LOVED the cakes which made me feel SO chuffed , he took one with him for after dinner and he kept sneaking bits of it into his mouth lol

He was adorable and is an amazing little boy and we had SO much fun ''playing house'' and reading books snuggled up in the relax area with big cushions , it was like a bit of old times..

I want to recreate how things were between us , doing all the normal things we used to do together like role play , reading , cooking etc and next week I am going to bring 2 pots and some soil so he can plant dwarf sunflowers in them!!

I always used to encourage him to be involved with planting and gardening etc and watching them grow and his little fingers are PERFECT for popping into the soil then putting the seed in to cover up with soil then water with his little watering can for children

I LOVE doing all that stuff and so does he and he responds so well!!

Am going to bring a heavy blanket too and he used to love snuggling with me on the settee under the blanket and if it was too small we would play fight over it and he would ALWAYS win

Plus a lot of Autistic children LOVE weighted blankets on them so am going to bring a heavy wool one with an extra (Thomas ) blanket sewn on and we can always double it up for even extra weight if he likes the sensation of the heavy blanket on him

When I am not with him I am always researching things like getting the book he is doing at school cheaply second hand , finding the songs he sings which I don't recognise ( that takes ages and I don't always find them! ) as I listen to him sing and if I don't recognise the song I look it up so I can download it for him

Am so looking forward to doing activities with him and with summer coming up we can do outdoor play etc with a bat and ball and am also getting some craft materials for him eg printing blocks and soft modelling clay as he loves crafts too

I have a feeling things are changing for the better

That's a lovely positive post nannynoo

That's a lovely, heartwarming post.
What a super gran you are

That's great to hear, Nannynoo, that things are going so well for you and your GS.

I'm sure your grandson feels really happy inside when he snuggles up to you.

Ahhh thank you so much , it is all about FAMILY and my family are SO important to me - I just want us all reunited and happy again one day , even happier than ever!!

It will come to pass , this time of great stress and pain

Step 1 is my GS being reunited with us and step 2 is hopefully my DD making a full and permanent recovery , it can and does happen!!!

My Grandchildren are a HUGE part of my life , they bring me such joy and I feel I bring them great joy too , it is a big part of what we are here for I reckon , to love others etc that's why it is so vital for our happiness and my GS just seems so CONTENT when he is around me , he really does love me and I mustn't forget that again

It is such a pity there is all this stress around as it is not good for the health , so will get a good nights sleep tonight and have a nice day tomorrow with a friend and some family members helping me in the garden etc and they are very supporting in this situation

I hope everything gets sorted on Tuesday as it does make me highly anxious to worry about or not trust the enviroment my GS is in

Saying that I would rather know the whole truth of the matter even if it is upsetting...

I hope things are resolved on Tuesday so I can move on and concentrate on little man which I SO enjoy

It has really put a spring in my step and a smile on my face and I love children anyway and this gives me SO much to look forward to now!!! xx

He is SO adorable!!! x

Hope you get things sorted on Tuesday. That was a lovely visit with your GS. Thank you for sharing it.

I had a lovely day today with a friend

It was refreshing to be with someone who doesn't MIND talking about alcoholism , social services , foster care , drink driving etc etc

It is not everyone who wants to talk about that stuff or 'get involved' at ALL but she really came through for me and am so grateful and we both had a lovely time with tea and home made cake and chatting and she LOVES my new home

She felt so relaxed that she said next time she is going to bring her SLIPPERS and she wasn't joking! lol

I don't have many people in my life I can talk about this stuff with but I treasure the few who are there for me and even with the problems I am having they enjoy my company which is a blessing and she LOVED my pup even though he was scared of her lol he is quite timid at the moment but that is his temperament and is quite endearing

I want to do normal stuff and she was so pleased and touched that the recent visit went so well and felt like 'old times' again and she agrees that doing familiar things in familiar ways will be good for him

I even feel like bringing in some of ''Nannys porridge'' as he keeps asking for it

I was reading today on another forum , an experienced foster carer said that in hers years of experience she has come to realise that children are way better off with their families if possible however much she loves the foster children , that was a revalation and nice to hear as I do agree as long as the child is not in any risk , there is security , belonging , a bond of blood tie love and I believe the children are HAPPIER with a family member some who do go on to adopt them if there is no improvement in the parental circumstances

I feel grateful for my little team behind me and I do mean you guys too! xx

It is lovely to feel supported! x

There are so many Grandparent carers out there who are raising their Grandchildren

There is a HUGE problem with drugs and alcohol world wide unfortunately and someone has to step in to give the child/ren some security and many of the children do so WELL in the care of the Grandparents and begin to thrive away from all the stress and chaos and disruption and distress

It is heart breaking what some of these children have been through and many are disturbed already from it all , so there is extra extra work to do and I take my hat off to all Grandparents who are raising their Grandchildren as it is not EASY , some are in their 70's with teenagers etc but the children are doing so well and feel so loved etc it is worth it

Their love and commitment is amazing as is the security the children have!!!