Daughter said they are going to emigrate!!!

I can imagine that that is not the first time you have played the heavy handed father. But it may be the last!

At best you could apologise and say how you really feel, your daughter will know you must be upset. As to the son in law, you have no right to speak to him like that.
You have built your lives around two small children who don't belong to you.
I knew when mine came along that I had only afew years with them and now they are teenagers and I rarely get to see them.
Just because we are a family which believes in the freedom
of individuals to plan their own lives and still be loved and accepted.

Why is Brexit to blame?

Maregret X You sound like someone who doesn't have any children let-alone grandchildren. I think you are out of order to suggest gardenman99 has been heavy handed when you have no evidence to say that.

Please give a bit of time for the dust to settle before speaking to her about it again.

I can understand how sad you must be; but you sound as though you think that their decision is a silly one and they are making a big mistake. If they are it is theirs to make.

I too would be broken-hearted initially, but I hope I would cover that up; and above all that I would respect their right to make that decision. It would be worse for us as I am a flying phobic and my OH cannot fly for health reasons - so count your blessings that you will be able to visit; and rejoice in the new technologies that will keep you in touch.

Tread gently - you do not want a rift far more worrying than physical distance.

Sounds as if brexit was a gift of an excuse. I've had some serious ups and downs with my daughter but could never imagine saying i will never forgive you

Read all the other comments caretaker - notice anything?
You are in a lonely minority in applauding gardenman's overreaction.
Other members have expressed sympathy and understanding for the sadness he is experiencing at the thought of his children and grandchildren going to Canada, but have also pointed out that they are free to make that decision. This is not the 19th century and they are not off to some distant planet for heaven's sake! I can relate in a way to his scenario though.
My sister, her husband and their 3 very young children (5,4,3) took that plunge in the 60's when flights to Canada were way beyond the reach of working people like my parents. They must have been devastated but knew that this move was the best thing they could have done at the time. From being a humble lab technician in the north of Scotland,( he had dropped out of university when they had their first unplanned baby, and there were no prospects for a young man without qualifications) , my sister's DH was able to study part time, eventually becoming a Professor of Marine Biology and a leading marine biologist advising the Canadian government.
Eventually they were able to afford the occasional visit "home" to Scotland, but only every. 3 years or so. To this day I can remember my stiff upper lipped parents fighting back the tears as we drove to Prestwick when they first left.
The world is much smaller now, we have Skype, emails, FaceTime etc and flights are much more affordable. What saddens me is that OP's principal grouse if that the DGC are being taken away from them. Stop and think.
Whose children are they??
My vote us with all hose who see this as a selfish and harsh response. Sadly also designed to produce exactly the opposite response OP would have wished for.

It doesn't matter on the reasons they decide to move. It is their choice alone.

I understand your concerns and disappointment but that is yours alone and shouldn't be a burden on them. Whether or not you think they'll succeed or come back worse off is not their issue either.

Best make things right, apologise (give no excuses!) and wish them all the best and start supporting them.

I know I would be devastated if my DS (when grown) decides to move but honestly he has a life to lead and that's on him! I need to own my own feelings and he should own his actions and life.

Gardenman99, while I do agree with many of the comments on here I do feel some sympathy for you. You will be going through a grieving process, for the loss of your child and grandchildren but also for a future which will now not be as you had imagine. We also went through this. We actually followed our daughter and grandchildren to Australia after a period of 4 years and now they have actually moved to Zambia for a few years, so we are going through it again.

I expect that your daughter and son in law have thought long and hard about their decision. It is also hard for them to move away from friends and family but are obviously doing it to provide a better life for their own. You should be proud that you have brought up a strong independent child.
By all means explain to them that you are upset because you will miss them terribly but you need to mend this rift before they go. I doubt if you are going to change their minds by threatening to not forgive them. The only ones you will be hurting are yourselves. Give them your support and start planning some holidays to Canada. There are lots of tips on here about how to be long distance grandparents. If you cause a rift think about your grandchildren You will be denying them any chance of having any sort of relationship with you.

Think about your words - would you really "never forgive" your daughter for wanting to give her family the chance of a better life? As others have said, you can still have a close relationship, even if not close geographically. You might think they are making the wrong decision, but did you agree with your parents about everything? They are intelligent adults, you should treat them as such.

Are original poster and caretaker related ?

Caretaker you say there is no evidence gardenman has been heavy handed well the evidence is right there is the opening post as he says it all himself. ' we will never forgive them if they take our wonderful grandchildren away from us'

HOWEVER much you hurt you CANNOT control your adult children's lives. They have to make their own lives and their own judgements and yes their own mistakes and as a parent of adults we are there to help if they need or ask for help and to pick up the pieces if necessary With so much distress you have decided they will fail before they even leave Rejoice for them, help them plan with your blessing

I rather think this is a knee jerk reaction on your behalf and has come as a heck of a shock you're hurting and in the middle of a huge black hole at the thought but you HAVE no choice work with them or the distance will be more than miles However if this is not a knee jerk reaction and you are just hugely controlling parents then your little family will be better off with the sea between you

BlueBell. I am not related to anyone on this site, my background is nursing and I have met all sorts from all backgrounds. However gardenman99 asked "how would you feel" . Most of the those who have replied have shown no insight as to how they would feel they have just been rude and taking the opertuinty to slag gardenman99.

I cannot think of anything that I would never forgive absentdaughter for doing – even something criminal – which I have to admit is extremely unlikely or, worse, abandoning me, which is even more unlikely. Unconditional love! Isn't that what parents do?

If she decided now to move to another country after all the struggle and expense Mr absent and I had to come to New Zealand, I would simply wish her well. I would miss her and my grandchildren like stink, but that's my issue, not hers.

Absolutely out of order caretaker. "Rude" is one thing posters have NOT been, many have not only said how they would feel but what they*have felt* and currently feel in exactly his/her position. Empathy and sympathy don't get much closer.
The only difference is that they/we all feel that you can't FORCE your grown up children to stay nearby, there are such things as freedom of thought, being permitted the responsibility for their own children and their life,not to mention job opportunities, I could go on. This is not worth breaking up the family for.
I am reminded of the Victorian stereotypical father decreeing that the errant daughter's picture be "turned to the wall" and the black sheep never spoken of again.

I can only imagine how I would feel as both my DDs are relatively close. Initial sadness, possible despair, hopefully leading on to acceptance. Later looking in to opportunities to visit them or them coming back to visit. Very hard but doable. Certainly not a case of not forgiving, far too harsh a response imo. The religious quote, is that significant?

We were in the same position as Gardenman about 15 years ago - DS moved to USA - at that time they had one son and subsequently had a second. Just before they were due to leave there was a party for them and DiL father asked how our side of the family felt about them moving. The reply they received was that no one actually wanted them to go but totally understood their reasons and had decided that we would regard it as a holiday destination. DiL had a very tough time from her family and told all sorts.
Everybody goes to visit but each time her family goes someone causes a problem by telling her she needs to be home and how are they going to manage etc etc - this also from her sister who lives very near the parents. All it does is cause bad feelings and a spoiled time together. DS is well aware that his sister and I would far rather he lived much nearer but he has a good life and is doing a job he could not do in UK as there is not the same level of opportunity there.
Be happy for them - wish them well and start saving! We go for longer breaks now we are retired - factor in the cost of a hire car and a few nights in hotels and while we are there we go on a little road trip of our own and we usually do a short duration one all together. Face time is wonderful and you can keep up to date with things.

caretaker also chimed in with the thread that was deleted if I remember correctly. The swinging one?

I would feel grateful that I had raised a child who was adventurous enough to take their family off to try life elsewhere. With the way things are in this country now for young families it doesn't encourage anyone to stay. Good luck to them and I hope they enjoy the experience. It's their life to live and certainly not for anyone else to dictate what they do.

TBh I would be totally and completely devestated as I have looked after
My DGC since they were all
tiny. I would try not to let my feelings show and wish them well, although I would know (short of them coming home) I would probably never see them again and that would break my heart.

Looking at it from the other side, if I had said to my parents that we were moving abroad and they said "That's fine, its for the best et etc" I'd have been very hurt. I would expect at the very least some token resistance. At least the OPs DD knows he really loves and cares about her in an overt way. She'll know what he's like and that he's likely to blurt out how he feels. Give him a break ladies!

When we were expecting our first son we went to Jamaica with my husband's insurance job. My mother was an emotional woman and cried loads when we left. She never, ever said " don't go", that must have been very hard for her.
We came home every year and she came out once with my father despite a terror of flying.

She wrote every Friday and I still have all her letters nearly 40 years later. We had to book a phone call for Christmas Day which cost a fortune. Now we have Skype, mobiles, computers, viber....the list is endless.

Let them enjoy their adventure. We came home after 6 years to our loving parents who were thrilled. Be generous to your daughter, she knows what you must be feeling and worries about it. Don't make that worse for her. Be happy for her.

It's the emphasis on never forgiving the young parents for "taking the grandchildren away from us " though jane. Yes, heartbreaking, but a family can be just as riven even when living on the same street as another thread shows us regularly.
If you love your children you have to be prepared to make sacrifices for them I am sure we would all agree. Express your sadness by all means, be honest about how you feel, and who knows, they may change their minds when they have thought it through. But knee-jerk reactions rarely lead to wise decisions.
My German grandparents saw their daughter leave for Scotland shortly after the war to marry an "enemy" stranger - they may well have thought they would never see her again. How many Americans have Irish ancestry because the potato famine drove those who were fit enough, to seek a new life across the Atlantic in very hazardous conditions. And goodness knows how many Scots have relatives all over the globe, especially Canada, Australia and New Zealand from the widespread emigrations in the 19th century and in the days when it was akin to going to another planet!
I too would be devastated especially as DH would be unable to visit them but I would hope that they would want to visit us as often as they could -assured of a loving welcome.

Good post Daphne. Our DS and DIL apparently settled here with house and good jobs decided to go to OZ, where they immediately had resident status.
We were naturally upset, but cheerfully wished them well.
Like other posters, behind the scenes were many tears. We were fortunate to be able to visit, Skype and phone.
Their life was living the dream, beautiful apartment overlooking the Pacific, great weather, good leisure facilities etc.
But they returned after 2 years, they missed the families: the happy and sad family events that they could not join in with. It does not mean that they will not go elsewhere or even back to Oz in the future, but it is their future and we must respect it.

Don't forget everyone that the poor OP only just heard this news yesterday. He jumped on to GN to vent his completely understandable distress. I'm sure he'll now have had time to get used to the idea. Give him a break. As I said his DD will know what he's like: a man- speak first think later!

I think this illustrates the perils of putting deep family feelings on an Internet forum. I also think the OP's daughter will know of the strong love her mum and dad have for her children, and she will understand.

Gardenman, I hope you and your wife will b able to come to terms with whatever happens, and that, given time, you begin to feel less hurt. The love we have for our grandchildren is amazingly strong. I wish you and yours the very best.

Deep feelings, yes Rox2323, but if I am asked How would I feel, I will say how I feel.