Daughter said they are going to emigrate!!!

You have to let them make their own decisions and make their own mistakes and support them in all they do. If you really love them you will let them go. We moved to Holland many years ago when our daughter, my parents only grandchild was 4 months old, and my parents were not happy but they wished us well and supported us. I have always loved them for that and when we came back to the uk they moved nearer to us and I cared for them.
You should bring up your children to have wings so they can fly!

Gardenman, that was an honest post. I'm sure you knew it wasn't the right thing to say but we're only human. I'm on my own now since my partner died almost a year ago and if any of my children told me that they are emigrating, I think I would be beside myself with sadness. I hope I wouldn't tell them I would never forgive them but, hand on heart, I don't know what I would have said under the circumstances. I, too, was devastated by the Brexit vote but like-minded people shouldn't be leaving a sinking ship but trying to counter the ill effects and the bigotry it brought out in some people.
I hope that you will be able to visit your family and that whatever they decide to do, it will bring them happiness.

Thank you for all your comments some I agree with others I don't. We are a very close family always have been on hand to help in so many ways, money / houses / holidays / outings live near each other we do the school runs, daily contact. Then out of the blue. "We hate the UK now especially after the brexit vote we are selling up and going to Canada.". Heartbreaking to us. End Of.

The world is an increasingly small place and so many young families leave the UK to explore it. My son and his family have lived in the Middle East for over 3 years. I miss my three little granddaughters a great deal, but using Skype and WhatsApp has been a lifesaver and when I do see them I enjoy every minute. They have a wonderful life with so many opportunities and it would be very selfish to deny them that. I do understand how sad you and your wife feel at the moment, Gardenmann99, but believe me you will get used to it. And hopefully you will be able to visit them in beautiful Canada. Don't risk the loving relationship you obviously have with your daughter.

Goodness me, you sound so dramatic as a family. Brexit ??? That is neither here nor there in the overall scheme of things, they are being melodramatic.

Now if they said Canada is beautiful and offers new opportunities that would be a reason but Brexit?????? I don't know wh ether to laugh or cry for all of you.

Seems to me that there is a morbid undercurrent going on. Ditch it asap. or you will all lose those family ties that are a ll there is really.

They are flouncing off due to Brexit and you will 'never forgive them'...........you guys must seriously want to be alone and miserable.

I can't see that Canada is going to do well out of this, they may go and come back........be sure not to resume this dramatic over reaction to nonsense.

They could well stay here and find the EU implodes anyway, what would that gain them. Never forgive ? I would forgive mine almost anything........unless they were wilfully cruel.

Sit and fester all you like and you will be the poorer for it. As for the promised land??????????

Apologise IMMEDIATELY and start saving to vist them

Well said, radicalnan

Met so many young people from the UK this Summer who all said they fancied going to live in Canada, because of its much more open attitude, to foreigners seen as assets rather than enemies, and women, etc. And yes, all of them mentionned being so sick and disgusted because of Brexit and that they just didn't feel they belong in the UK anymore. You may poopoo and say it is ridiculous, but this is how many young people feel today and looking for an escape.

I wonder if there is s double Brexit element here- and if the parents, including OP, of the young family voted for Brexit- and there is tension there already because of it.

Try and be positive about this. Think of it as an opportunity to see other parts of the world. Even if you don't feel very adventurous, it's amazing where you will be prepared to go if you have the prospect of seeing the family.

End of what? I totally get that you are devastated- but if they go, will you not forgive them and never see them again? Have you been having arguments because of Brexit, because you voted for, and they voted against- and it was very important to them and they didn't understand your own attitude to it?

End of - as said 'end of your relationship' - how truly sad and desperate. But you will be the ones suffering the most at the end of ... why spite your nose and make the situation worse? You'll be the losers, tragically.

Our own (adult) kids are also planning to move abroad because of Brexit - partly because they are so disappointed with the attitudes they've encountered- but also because they see no future for their kids there, and their business is being very seriously affected. Fortunately for us, it means they will probably move close to us.

Are you prepared to lose them totally because of your stubborness (?) and intolerance?

I went cold when I read 'we'll never forgive her' because it reminded me of my father, who began not forgiving me when I was around 17 and continued to not forgive me for the rest of his life. Eventually I gave up trying to please him, and didn't even see him during the two years before he died. Please tell your daughter what you've written above, so that she understands that you're worried and they can discuss their plans with you properly. Please don't drive her away from you, it'll hurt you both too much.

Given your reaction, I don't think it's surprising at all that your child is emigrating

Back in 1981 my ex and I took our children to America to live. I realize, looking back, that we did not think of how my parents would feel about this. Maybe your daughter doesn't realize the affect on you as I didn't on my parents.

We stayed there three years and came home.

Can't believe how a loving, caring parent can say something so dreadful to their nearest and dearest. Sorry, but if I was the daughter in question, I would make and escape to a foreign country as soon as possible so that my young family does not become tainted by such negative and selfish people.

I would be heartbroken if my children moved to another country but you can't stop them and sometimes they need to go where the jobs are and where they can make a good life for their children.

I can understand a kneejerk reaction of 'I will never forgive them' (I'd feel the same) but it will not necessarily get the response you want. If they are determined to go they will quarrel with you and resent you for making something that is already hard nigh on impossible. Also, being adamant will prevent your wife, the children's loving grandmother, from seeing her child and grandchildren.

You will have to be tactful and accept a decision which is clearly already made and unmoveable. It is better to channel your energies into planning visits and wonderful times together. You might find that you actually see the offspring for longer than hurried visits in this country allow you. Skype is a Godsend too as others who have children living abroad attest.

I truly sympathise even if this message seems hard. When my daughter told me that she and her BF would probably end up in Cambridge because of the science park job opportunities for her other half I was very miserable. We could move but it would mean leaving my DS instead. But we will have to work round it.

I hope it all gets sorted out but do not on any account quarrel with your daughter.

Most of the those who have replied have shown no insight as to how they would feel they have just been rude and taking the opertuinty to slag gardenman99.
caretaker On the contrary, I think there is a great deal of insight in all the posts from people who have experienced the same thing, smiled through their tears and thus have not caused a rift in their families which may never be healed.

absent I wonder if you have any other children left in the UK - that would be even more difficult as in that situation you feel torn in two.

'always have been on hand to help in so many ways, money / houses / holidays / outings' ...

you mentioned money and holidays, etc- I sincerely hope you will not putthe final nail in the coffin of your relationship by using this as 'blackmail'. I know several people who parents threatened to cut them off their will if they didn't 'tow the line' - and that was the final straw.

How would I feel? Devastated of course. My youngest child, a really loving, caring daughter was going to be over 12,000 miles away. I did what Jamila said, squirrelling away my money so that every holiday would be a visit to her and her growing family. I talk to her and the children and we message over the Internet about every day and I bring them over for a holiday as often as I can afford. Of course it is heartbreaking and we were a weeping mess two years ago at Heathrow when they set off home again after a three week stay. I have forgiven my son in law for stealing her away because he looks after her and my lovely grandchildren and they are a loving family. They are even buying a house, something they would never have been able to afford within 300 miles of where I live.
Why should our children be condemned to live within easy reach of where we decided they should be brought up.
How we feel is one thing. What we say to our beloved children is another. Canada is not even that far away these days.

Jane10 I think it is striking the balance between showing your devastation and saying you will never forgive them and the other extreme of not expressing how much you will miss them but you support them in whatever they do and look forward to visiting them and seeming not to care.
Visiting them in their new homes gives a great insight into their lives, you can picture them in their home as they chat on the phone. DD gave me a guided tour of her new place on FB as she walked around with her Mac! We did get to see it for real too, when we visited.

If I had my time over I would emigrate as well either NZ or BC Canada so she's not alone in her thinking. Children have to make their own way in the world in the best way they know how and with modern communications it's possible to keep in touch daily if you wish. So don't be uncompromising in your attitude, afterall your daughter and SiL are not married to you and you have no legal rights to your G'children. So wish them well in their new venture and be happy for them. That way you will still have a family to enjoy no matter where they end up in the world. Our family is spread all over the globe but we still keep in contact.

Perhaps we should start groups in our areas of grandparents and parents who have close ones living in far off shores.

Do you remember how far apart the world seemed in the 1970s, with Family Favourites on the radio every Sunday?
Iloved the song that was often played:
'Hands, hands across the sea'

Cath

How we feel is one thing. What we say to our beloved children is another.
In a nutshell Nelliemags!

You're bound to be upset gardenman, but you are the parent, you need to take a deep breath, apologise, say that the news came as a shock (had you really no inkling?) but that you will support them come what may, you love them and will miss them but will visit as soon as they are settled.

But I would not be going with you! I can't imagine being anything but English, living 'under an English heaven'.

They are flouncing off due to Brexit
radicalnan
flouncing? perhaps their jobs depended on the EU, perhaps the firm is relocating them, it is over 3 months since Brexit, flouncing would be saying you were going as a reaction to the result, but this may be as a consequence of the result iyswim.

Perhaps they had thought about it before for some time and this helped them to make up their minds especially if there are opportunities in the job market over there.
It could be that it has been on the cards for some time but they were scared of telling gardenman because they knew what his likely reaction would be.

Gardenman we would all feel devasted and as you say you are a close family who help one another. Now is the time to help your daughter and family go happily. Maybe you are not a family who emigrate or take this sort of risk. But if they don't go because of your threat you have lost them anyway and may cause problems in their relationship.

Caretaker I think people do know how he feels but horrified by his threat which was said in grief.

Now with modern media it is easy to keep in touch, as well as talking and seeing my daughter and her family I even get to see the flowers. I planted in her garden and give advice on care. She has a new puppy and I suddenly realise I haven't actually seen him, just on FaceTime but I am waiting to see if he recognises my voice when I visit.

Finally they may not go or may not be accepted and you don't want the blame for that.