I need a few suggestions please

I know68 seems the type I avoid

How do you turn off predictive text on kindle fire ?

Im68Now, that was not just rude but deliberately spiteful. I expect that I'm also the type of person you're happier to be far away from. What a shameful way to talk.

Oldgoose, if you're still following this thread, my thought would be to find a way to discuss this with your daughter. You say you're close so I can't think she'd take offence. Start by telling her how much you're enjoying retirement with the extra time it allows for being with the children but that money can be a bit tight. Perhaps if she's started the teaching course now, she too is feeling the pinch and is embarrassed that she can't keep her promise of making a contribution to the costs you're incurring. It's still early days in this arrangement so will be easier to raise now than leaving it too long. Good luck.

We've never asked for any contributions towards petrol, taking them out, but then they invite us round for meals, DIL will get the coffees if we are out together so it's swings and roundabouts.
We don't have the outgoings now that they do so I've never thought to ask for any contributions.
I suppose it depends how tight your budget is.

Old goose, firstly I do hope you don't take the slightest notice of Im68Now. I think have noticed previous comments,on other posts, from this person and they always seem to be rather spiteful.
Now, I am on a very tight budget but then so are my DD and sil. I would therefore never expect or accept payment for looking after my dgs whilst they are at work. After reading so many sad stories I am so very grateful to be a part of their lives and we all muddle through together. If you can afford it, I would day smile and say nothing.

When I retired to look after GS1 full time DD did give me money to make up for what I was losing (She was in full time work so the money wasn't a problem) Now I just collect the hooligans after school she doesn't pay me, but she does pay if we go out for lunch or to the theatre.

But Iam68now, a large proportion of GN members are exactly the type of person you want to avoid - very fond of their children and grandchildren and happy to do things for them, despite having less stamina than they used to enjoy, but without limitless supplies of cash.

Old goose don't get this out of proportion, 68 likes to be challenging ( tactful ). Speak to your daughter before it becomes a big issue, be honest about your finances and ask for help with petrol costs

I think the point is that originally your daughter offered to pay for petrol but has not stumped up. So I think it is fine to gently introduce the subject. "Any chance you could give me a little something for the fuel now I'm not earning - it would help enormously" nothing confrontational.

If you have a good relationship with your DO then speak to her about it...

Old goose I do hope you ignore the very unpleasant posts from iam68now. That person seems like exactly the type I'd run a mile to avoid.
Since you started this arrangement with your daughter on the basis of her contributing to costs I would light heartedly raise the subject with her by asking if there's any chance she feels she could add to the coffers in any way if there's any pennies going spare. I wouldn't hesitate to ask my daughter if I felt she could afford it and I know she'd want to if she could.

The Elephant in the room. This is spoiling the relationship. Better say what you are thinking than let it fester.

How? That's a problem. How about starting a conversation about the cost of running your car and how much you spend on petrol. That's a normal conversation we all have. I don't think you are being mean at all, sometimes our family don't realise what a tight budget we have. Also it limits what you can do if you have the commitment of picking up the children

Having read all your responses, and from my own experiences, I can understand how much it costs to care for our lovely grandchildren. It is not just looking after them - we visit places, have play days with other children, go shopping, etc. We feed them and can't resist buying them clothes and toys (I have a playroom again). Young people work because they need the money so I have never asked for anything although I do need to use my car to transport DG around and back home. I think it would change the relationship I have if I felt I was doing a job, but each case is different and if the parents are fortunate enough to be able to reimburse travel, etc., I can't see a problem in having this monetary help. However, if there is a chance it would alter your relationship with your daughter I would think twice about asking or taking anything.

I think sometimes having a good relationship can actually make it harder to talk about things like this, because you want to maintain that relationship. Maybe another tack could be to suggest that, instead of rushing off home, you stay for a meal with DDs family once or twice a week? That should balance out the cost of the petrol that you use for collecting the children.

To me the issue of whether or not you can afford it isn't the point.
If she offered to pay for the petrol she should honour it. I know it's hard for young people these days but letting them get away with breaking an agreement teaches them nothing. Too many of them just expect their parents to step in and look after their children for no return. If the Gps enjoy it and can afford to do it and that is the agreement fair enough.
I'd gently remind her.

Sounds a bit formal to me....I would just say to my kids got some petrol money duckie, I'm a bit skint'.........it is OK to ask you know. GP are not a service resource just ask, it must be a bit of n issue with you if you have been thinking on it for 6 months.....

I'm appalled at all these judgemental comments. Of course the daughter should make some tangible gesture of appreciation- even asking her mum over for a meal now and then would be something. Many of us need our cars for all kinds of reasons, and that doesn't indicate we are well off. Petrol is not cheap as it is in the US and some of us have to budget very strictly to be able to afford enough each week.

To broach the subject, Daphne Brown's suggestion is good- bring up the context to remind the daughter of the original offer before asking if there is a problem in helping. I've had the same treatment from one daughter who is much much better off than me- an offer of help never followed through and other rudenesses. I keep wanting to say "You weren't brought up like that" (and she wasn't). Very difficult when one wants to keep in touch with the grandchildren.

Dear oldgoose,

you should be able to ask a question and have empathic feedback, so don't worry about asking, you did the right thing. You want to participate in the forums!

I am thinking you could tell your daughter you love your grandbabies so much it would hurt you if you couldn't do it anymore because you don't have enough gas in the car. And you don't want that to happen, perhaps she could give you her thoughts on how it all could work out still. If she doesn't offer money, you could cut down the days you can pick them up. My granddaughters are all the way in America, so I pay thousands in airfare to see them, no one cares that I do it, spend thousands. When I can't afford it I just don't go. Maybe if you cut down your help to what you can afford your daughter would see it would be better to pay you gas money than paying a childminder to pick up the kids. Good luck to you you sound like a good grandma, I don't know I if I could pick them up everyday!! you are a star!

Take no notice Oldgoose. You get some very nice people on forums and you also get others whose brash comments can upset. Running a car is an expensive business and can make things tight. I can see may be one day if I have to rely on just my pension I will be eating baked beans to keep the car. No bus service to speak of here. So just because someone has a car it doesn't mean they can afford it. The fact the money was offered and agreed probably irks more than anything as can make us feel taken for granted. Unfortunately that seems to go with the territory of having children. You have a great relationship with your daughter and if you can do without the money I would bite my tongue. However if money is tight and you need it she should understand if you bring the subject up at the appropriate time. Should she feel a bit miffed at you asking she will soon get over it as you have such a great relationship.

Snap I also have 1 grandson (26) and one granddaughter (12) living in Virginia, beautiful place to visit, we have been doing this journey for 18 years, although since DH retired we go for 4 weeks at a time.

If you don't need the money, oldgoose, then let it go...never to be thought of again. If the petrol money would be a great help then you must bring the subject up in the best way. You have a good relationship with your daughter so this should be easy. It could be your daughter has so many things going on she could have this in the back of her mind too and is waiting for an opportunity to discuss. Discuss (you have made the first step here), approach, resolve and put it to bed. Then put your feet up and relax with your favourite tipple (tea?!) knowing you are doing a great job for your family.
Enjoy!

My daughter has gone back to work in a high management role which is very well paid. She leaves the house early and returns between 6 -7pm and at the start she said she would need childcare which would cost her a lot of money.Her husband works away from home regularly so cannot be relied on for childcare all the time. I have only my state pension to live on and so we came to an agreement that she would pay me -- less than she would have to pay a registered childminder - but an amount she could happily afford to know the children were with me and safe and loved. This has worked really well for both of us.
I would suggest that if you have a great relationship with your daughter - ask her how the arrangement is working from her point of view and hope she does the same. You could then say how much you love the interaction with your grandchildren and being part of their day but petrol costs have eaten into your fixed income a little.

A lot will depend I think on how much you could do with, or actually need, the extra money.

We regularly go 60 miles each way to do childcare but we can afford the petrol, and dd/SiL's expenses (mortgage and other childcare) are far greater than ours so I wouldn't dream of asking.
But if we were hard up and the petrol was a real issue, then I probably would.

Take the long term view. At the moment your daughter needs the help & you see the grandchildren. Mine are now grown & out in the world and I rely on my daughter to help me get to hospital visits etc etc. and assist with an infirm granpa. It's a restriction on her life as helping with the grandchildren once was on mine. Sometimes a simple "Thank you" means much more than anything thing else.

I am and have been at both sides of this debate. We have being doing a 160 mile round trip once a week including an overnight stay to look after our grandchildren. We have never asked for payment as it is our way of keeping in touch with the two families.
My own mother used to charge me foe looking after our children and at full rate. I guess todays equivalent would be about £40 per child. I know it took a good proportion of my salary. I couldn't really send them to nursery as my work pattern was irregular. i was a supply teacher. I would have been happy to pay expenses but really resent it now as I feel she extorted money out of me.