I need a few suggestions please

I expect she is not earning a great deal. I would try and do without the money because as it has been said before, she can help you in other ways. But if needed why not ask her to say put in £20 worth of petrol maybe once a month.

I can appreciate everyone's take on the situation. I'm also now collecting my granddaughter from school now that Daughter has started a new job. I am using fuel that I would not be using in the normal way and I'm only in receipt of Carers Allowance, unable to find part-time work and not entitled to retire until I reach the age of 66!

I do feel that, if the cost of expenses was mentioned at the outset maybe a gentle reminder "Do you recall you suggested paying me something towards the cost of petrol?".

Whilst my daughter and son-in-law's finances aren't great, neither are those of mine and my husband's and it is wrong to take for granted 'help' which was actually requested of you in the first place.

It's the question that's difficult no matter how close you are. We looked after our GC till they went to school and got paid for it ? without asking. Once they went to school, the pay stopped though we dropped off, picked up and fed our GC after school, until my husband was ill. When my daughter had to do it herself, she suddenly realised how much it was costing us so when we could do it again she paid us without asking. If it's on your mind you could try the suggestion about mentioning how petrol prices have risen. Better that than letting it fester. It's not being tight or greedy and just for the record, though not well off, I run a car and don't always need the money. The other advantage is that I can put the money away for the increasingly expensive presents.

At least we all know what kind of person Im68now is....someone none of us would like to speak to?
The OP asked a very reasonable and interesting question. Some great suggestions given.
My opinion......maybe start a conversation about money and how you're managing on a restricted income. See if this triggers any comments. Maybe daughter would remember her offer? If not, you could ask how she is managing financially and steer the discussion back to you. How far you take this would depend on how much you need the monetary help and how much it's concerning you.
If you decide not to pursue it, you must stop thinking about it and consider the topic sorted.
Thanks for starting a stimulating discussion which I'm sure many other readers will emphasise with.

This post has just made me realised how much I took my parent's help for granted when my children were small. They were constantly up and down to London from the Kent coast to help us out, and then when they moved closer, my Dad used to do a 32 mile round trip twice a week to babysit while I worked (I used a child minder for 2 days).

They weren't badly off, and we struggled a bit, so it never occurred to me to offer them petrol money. (Maybe I should have? though I don't think they would have taken it).

I think that the financial circumstances of each couple are very relevant here. I don't think the OP is a bad person for asking for opinions as, after all, she was originally promised the money.

Again a few assumptions that all grandparents 'can do'. We do have a car but every trip has to be evaluated. We usually either walk, cycle or use a bus pass. The car is reserved for heavy shopping and hospital visits as there is no easy bus route. My GS is not in the area but if they were nearer there is no way I could (nor be expected to) fetch and carry without remuneration. I am sorry there will be those of you throwing hands up in horror I know. Our car is over 15 years old and when it dies, that will be it. We no long have buses through our village so the future transport wise is pretty grim for us whichever way we look at it.

Once a week I meet the children from school (round trip 40 miles) and then take one of them off to a class a further 13 miles away and home again, give them tea and put them to bed. When my DD asked about the class, I said I would be happy to do it, but might need a bit of petrol money. It is only £8 a week in petrol I guess, but when you budget tightly, it can make a bit of a hole. Nothing happened for a few weeks, and then my DD announced that she had transferred £40 to my bank account for the petrol. That has happened once more over the course of a year. I consider that fair enough, but if no more was forthcoming, I might comment that I would need to stop off for petrol to get home, and didn't have my credit cards with me, could she help me out?

Could the real issue is resentment at being taken for granted? We babysit and drive a round trip of nearly thirty miles once or so a week plus added trips out for after-school activities of another fifteen miles.

We have never been offered payment but we are asked out for restaurant meals and have been offered a weekend away. These gestures remove the 'taken for granted' portion of the babysitting request which I think I could otherwise feel. Some young couples do take their parents for granted in the baby-sitting stakes - I have heard of some poor grandparents who are full-time nannies which I consider to be not on.

I realise my comments do not address the coffers problem and my take on that is that the OP should bring the subject up obliquely and say something along the lines of 'gosh, isn't petrol dear now'/'they've put petrol prices up again/they've reduced the price of petrol, that'll help me quite a bit', etc. Personally I would not ask directly but hope the OP's family realise her circumstances. Unfortunately young couples are rush rush rush and my suggested comments may fall on deaf ears but it would be worth a try.

Of course we all love and enjoy spending time with our grandchildren so perhaps we should be paying their parents for giving us the opportunity to do so...? Sorry, couldn't resist (naughty Candelle).

I don't think you will find many hands thrown up in horror Izabella. It is money that is tight, not grandparents' sphincter muscles. Those who can afford to fill up their cars with petrol wothout blinking will continue to do so, those who can't will accept a bit of cash support as they deliver and collect on a regular basis.

Ignore the jibes of the very few who have a habit of making nasty remarks, it probably comes from some deep-seated trauma. Someone weaned too early and has since always resened the generation older than them?

Having bad day, 68? Old goose only asked, assuming she might get thoughtful reactions.
Maybe your day will improve.
How old do we have to be to qualify to be patronised as old folks?

Candelle. - I was taken on holiday by DD and SIL when 1st GS was 18 months. One morning I woke to hear a wide awake small boy. I was pleased at the opportunity to spend time alone with him and thought that his parents might like a lie in. I got him changed and up and we sat having breakfast in the sun.
Later, from a window above, I heard SiL's voice ''If your mother is going to do that she can come on holiday with us anytime!"
And there was I treasuring the time alone with GS!

When I looked after my grand children on a regular basis for 2 days a week, taking them to and from school etc and staying overnight (They lived 80 miles away meaning 160 mile round trip) my daughter paid my petrol money and if I took them out she paid entrance fees etc. This is what she did for the paid ' nanny' who looked after them on the other 3 days. This only lasted for a year and of course any other times when asked for normal babysitting happily did it with no thought of petrol money. I would drop it in to conversation oldgoose perhaps mentioning how much petrol has gone up recently.

I don't think old goose expressed any resentment st all! Straightforward question for possibly a sensitive area. I think you will know, old goose whether your DD's circumstances allow her to give you something towards petrol, or whether you have chosen to help out financially as well as practically. Everybody's circumstances are different in our case DD and SIL both had highly paid jobs and we were living on my very small pension plus ESA for DH at the time. I could have found the extra £100 a month and clearly would have if money had been an issue for them but it wasn't, they offered, I accepted graciously but that doesn't make me penny pinching. I also did assorted chickenpox granny daycare duties and I vividly remember a mercy dash back to nursery from home almost immediately after getting back one week because DD and SIL (both away from the office at conferences) couldn't be reached by phone and DGS was poorly, so that day I did 225 miles, but that's what grannies do! And willingly.

X'd posts Hicaz your situation sounds not unlike ours at the time

I think you should say something, it may be a small amount but if it is five days a week it adds up. The commercial rate for mileage reimbursement is 40p a mile, you could suggest 20p. (My car does about 11 miles a litre which works out at about 10p a mile, but there is also wear and tear etc which is worse on short journeys). So if it is say, 2 miles to school and back, it would cost her £2 a week. She might think this is such a small amount that it is not worth bothering about, whereas to someone on a pension it could make a difference.

I hope you can find a way to mention it lightheartedly, she might be put out at first but then get over it. There is of course the risk that she will be really put out and ask a friend to help out instead, or pick up the children so that you don''t have to. Is it too far for them (and you) to walk, at least in the summer?

It depends entirely on your circumstances and your DD's I think oldgoose.
If you are living on a small pension and a tight budget then you should drop it into the conversation about petrol prices etc.
But if you are relatively well off and your DD is struggling (she won't be well paid and also wants to take more qualifications) plus the cost of bringing up 3 children, then I think I'd just forget about it.
She may be hoping that you forget she ever said it

One thing that has surprised me on this thread is the number of posters advocating bringing up the subject by means of oblique references and hint-dropping.
Isn't a direct approach more likely to have the desired effect and less likely to lead to misunderstandings?

The day I get money from my kids, I will faint. When my DD was not coping well with first baby, we put a S.O in place of £35 a month to pay for a cleaner. It is still in place 11 years later. My DH wants it cancelled, but I haven't the heart.

I agree with many of the posts on here - it does depend on individual circumstances. I have just had 10 months without a Driving Licence as DVLA refused to renew on Medical grounds. Thankfully I've now got it back, I need my car for shopping, Doctor's etc, Dentist & Hospital - an essential as I don't get my bus pass for another 5 years. Although we have a good bus service the bus stop is too far for me to walk & I find bus travel difficult. Whilst not being able to drive I used Volunteers for a lot of appointments (donations given) & help from DD.

My DD & I have an arrangement where we do contribute to each others petrol when necessary, I'm grateful for her help & she will require my help at times - we work out our respective finances & deal with each situation as it arises. I kept my car filled up with petrol as DD is Insured on it, so where possible we used it rather than DDs.

I could not afford to do daily childcare run & after school activities without some help with petrol if the need arises, occcassionally is ok. I would gently approach you DD as petrol prices are on the rise again. Good luck

Oldgoose I don't think it's out of order for your DD to pay for your petrol. I am in a similar situation, in that they live close to me and I normal collect DGD 3 times per week. My daughter does, and always has, paid for my petrol which she knows would become a hardship if she didn't.
Sometimes I can be doing the school run 5 days a week or if DGD is ill, can have her all day and but the money remains a set amount.
Don't feel bad about dropping a few hints!

My Son and DIL were going through hard times, we all had them when we first set up home didn't we, so I offered to have the baby and she went out to work. I didn't mind because it was a way of helping them over the hump.

Now I am reaping my rewards as I have a very close relationship with my Grandson.

Ask for petrol money if it really is a problem, I don't think they will be upset. It depends how you ask. Tell them things are a bit tight for you at the moment, that should wake them up. They probably never gave it a second thought.

Our D and family live around the corner from us. We also see our GC regularly and have them for sleepovers. Never crossed my mind to seek financial recompense, though I realise that we are lucky not to need it. She often offers money if we're taking the kids out but I would always refuse. I say to her what mom said to me, "just passing it down the generations". Both our grown up kids have wonderful memories of time spent with their grandparents, so I'm hoping we're just repeating a positive circle. I think the difference maybe that we are fully aware of how grateful D and husband are for out love, interest and care of their kids. As with the OP, we also have a close relationship and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise it. It's impossible to put a price on our relationship with both the parents and the grandchildren. Good luck with your decision making.

I think it's best not to remind her about the petrol costs but if it's the logistics of coordinating collection of 3 children .... I might discuss that with your daughter. It sounds exhausting!

Our lovely daughters do take us a little for granted and don't seem to realise that we might just find it all enormously tiring.

But the petrol ...... Just not worth mentioning.

oldgoose take no notice of rude people. Your relationship with your DD and DGCs sounds wonderful, and if I can apologise for being mushy, worth its weight in gold. I would enjoy every moment helping your DD and SiL.

No further contact from OldGoose. My guess is that Im68Now put her off. Pity because most of the posts have been thoughtful and constructive.