I need a few suggestions please

Having re-read the OP oldgoose says:
She would have a bit of income of her own

which I take to mean that the household income is sufficient without her DD needing to work but, of course, any extra money is always welcome.
So perhaps something along the lines of 'it costs £? amount to fill up the car these days, it's surprising how much petrol I use just ferrying the DGC around' might jog her memory.

Be straight with DD and say how tight money is maybe even ask to borrow petrol money and see If that gives her a wake up call

Oldgoose, do come back to us, please. I expect you feel a little taken for granted and it is not so much the expenditure as the commitment you have taken on which is not being acknowledged. It must be exhausting to do what you do for your grandchildren every school day.
Living on a tight income in retirement must be a worry if expenditure exceeds income and you have to start eating into your savings. You are close to your daughter. I think you should bring the subject up rather than let the resentment fester.
Now please let us know you are OK.

While I agree that grandparents mostly try to help out when necessary and may do so on a regular basis the OP is doing this a 5 days a week basis. This must intrude into her own life just as a job for 2 hours every afternoon would . If money is tight then surely even a small sum of £40 a month would help and also make the OP feel more appreciated.

This thread has certainly made me think about how much help with childcare, mainly in the school holidays, they gave me. But when they were old I was able to pay them back by looking after them and my Mum lived with me for the last 11 years of her life. So OP if some money would help just talk to your daughter and say that you would appreciate having the petrol money she promised. No beating around the bush. We must remember we all have different financial circumstances before being critical.

Some gps do an incredible amount of childcare on a daily basis & I think it is easy for off-spring to start taking them for granted & GPs too easily give up their own lives & may begin to feel resentful if their needs are not at least acknowledged. I only do a once a week after school care now withoccasional chikd-sitting or holidays with us & have never expected money. As well as agood relationship with GC, I have benefits such as a free London pad occasionally. However, I always did my day care on condition that my DD would work out a back-up in case of my illness, holidays (though bear them in mind when booking) or if I had to 'rescue' DS abroad or my elderly mother. It meant she had to develop the kind of local, mutual relationships which can be called on for emergency help, which is never a bad thing for their independence & local connections. It's the only way I could operate with my own 3 kids, work & no help from any parents. The least effort option for DD is to assume we shall always be there. A 2 hr each way train journey & fare of £20 plus is a lot for a couple of hours babysitting too often.

Sorry, haven't read through the whole pages, but why not ask her (when you know she is off to the shops) to buy you a little something or other from the supermarket, then say "oh I haven't much cash on me, I know, take it out of that petrol money you owe me!"

Tricky. Look at it this way, though. Your daughter is unable to work without help from others picking up the childcaring duties. Without you, she'd have to pay a childminder or lose out on the opportunity to work. It's not just petrol money in my view-it's the value of your contribution. Two hours a day is a significant commitment. It should mean so much, but appears to mean very little to her; honestly, if my mother had offered to mind my dd for just one hour, I'd bite her hand off!

You know your daughter best. I'm sure you can reach a satisfactory compromise, but please don't undersell yourself.

I haven't read all the posts either, but wouldn't dream of taking petrol money for looking after my grandchildren - and I'm not well off. However I consider it a pleasure and a privilege to be part of their lives, it doesn't last forever they grow up and away all too soon.

Perhaps I'm the only one who thinks kids regularly seem to expect their parents to look after their kids these days. I don't have grandchildren yet but have many friends who do and it seems to be expected that you will organise your life round them. Why should you? You've brought them up and now have the chance to do what YOU want for a change so why should you be expected to bring up the grandchildren as well? You are saving them the cost of afterschool childcare so why is it unreasonable to ask for a contribution to your own costs? You could try "do you remember ... how about a compromise of a tank of petrol occasionally". If your relationship is as good as you say, your daughter will not be upset.

As it was agreed that she would pay for petrol at the beginning you are right to feel miffed. If you did not do as you were doing she would not be able to work. As you say, you have an excellent relationship so she should not be upset if you ask. Living on a pension is difficult enough without the added cost of the petrol. You have to talk to her about this...she will understand I am sure.

Take no notice lots of forums have people who insult others, par for the course I'm afraid. Can't imagine anyone paying them for anything lol. Chin up and listen to sensible comments only, don't bite by joining in sad juvenile posts. Hope you get sorted, maybe a gentle word about petrol but no pressure... we can't all be well off and proud. ?

Oh dear Imnow68. Lighten up. I thought we're all here to offer support to each other. Oldgoose - You have a great family and a good relationship with your DD. thats worth so much more than a few pounds but when funds are limited every penny has to count, I understand your conflict. But for me it's family first within my means. I hope you come to a Happy conclusion.

Hello old goose. This is the first time I have posted on here but your post moved me to do so. I am so surprised at some of the responses you have received. It's lovely to be a grandparent but we should remember that's what we are. Parents have children and are responsible for them just as we were. The assumption that as Grandparents we can all bend over backwards and comply with our now independent children's needs and wants still is sometimes too much. Sure, if we are 100% fit, have a good income and no desire to follow any dreams ourselves fine. Maybe our dreams were to continue supporting our children and grand children in any way we can, clearly his applies to many who do and are well loved because of it. Remember though that those who can't do everything they are asked to do are loved too. It's quality of time and experience with children not necessarily quantity that matters.
My feeling is that if old goose's daughter wants to pursue a teaching career she should pay expenses that that incurs and not expect her Mother to pay a second time around! There, I bet that's put the cat amongst the pigeons! Just say "would you mind contributing to fuel occasionally? Now I've retired I don't have as much to play with."

Philly

Your comment is just as nastily vicious as that other one.

Well said Parkingfairy

Old Goose ...ask yourself if your daughter had to pay for the childcare you provide how much would it cost? A lot more than a tank of petrol me thinks. I'm sure she knows that too as she must know how much it costs to put children into the afterschool club. I'd remind her. If you have a great relationship it won't be a problem. This is above and beyond a weekly visit or the odd bit of child minding. Also you are committed to this task so other things in your life are obviously worked around it. Actually I think I would feel miffed. Good luck in what you decide xx

Ignore Imnow68, just provoking everyone.

Oldgoose sounds to me as if you are quite happy helping out with your grandchildren. Problem is you starting getting money it becomes more like having a job. Also II don't imagine your daughter earns a lot of money. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone one here. It's great that you are able to help out and your daughter is very lucky

parkingfairy well said,love the name by the way.

beammeupscottie it is hard when you cant be in 2 places at once and i agree on the M6, i cant face a it anymore than once every 6 months

My MIL used to ask me for the money for a pot of yoghurt my son had had, she only had him about 3 times a year for a day, and she was certainly not poor! Still haven't forgotten it 36 years later!

I too have an incredibly good relationship with my daughter & I get paid as she knows she is still getting childcare a lot cheaper than a nursery, but discussions about money are always sensitive. I wouldn't just come right out & ask as it's not worth a risk of any bad feeling but I would drop some sort of hint about the price of petrol, if high, or even thank goodness it's gone down a bit, if it has. There's only you that knows your daughter, follow your instincts & Im sure you'll be fine. You've done great so far or you wouldn't have such friendship with her. Good luck x

Hi Old Goose. Havent read through the, posts but feel for you.

I had a son with severe sen and that school bus ruled my life. There was not much pleasure getting other son from school nd rushing back for 'the vus' pkus having send for day after. The stress aged us all more than the caring which came naturally with love.

I'd say your daughter earns very little and is stressed out too.

However, what you deserve is an acknowledgement which she'll probably do at Christmas and she's just not thinking straight . All best to you x

Why?

If petrol money had never been mentioned, only your daughter's undying gratitude, would you now be concerned about money?
If so, you should mention it to her.

If it's only a 'loose end' in your mind, because it was mentioned but didn't happen, then try to tidy it away for yourself and don't say anything.

Wow that's seemed.to have stirred thigs up ,I have sympathy for both views when I was a young parent we we very hard up I used gifts I was given to buy soap and charity shops for other things .Once I stop working I won't be well.off so having help with the costs,perhaps is only fair .Pheraps Tim Bonds,ethical dilemma,solving model might clarify matters,