I need a few suggestions please

Couldn't agree more Valerie1949

I don't have a lot to give (financially) but try to make up for that in giving my time both to my DGC (who take up the lions share) and to the rest of the family too.

When my DD and DS where young my mother would only mind them when I was at work if I paid her. Because I worked part time and my husband worked shifts this was sometimes as little as one morning a week, but I still had to pay her. I've never really forgiven her for that. I wouldn't endanger the great relationship you have with your daughter over a few pounds. If you are like me you get far more from your daughter than money could buy.

If you need petrol money, ask because it probably does nt occur to your daughter. If you don't need it, treat it as a gift and your contribution to the family life. I would love to have my grandkids closer and luckily I could afford not to ask.
I'm guessing it's only because she hasn't offered petrol money recently that you feel a bit taken for granted, I think it " comes with the job of being a parent/ grandparent".
You aren't asking for payment of your time, just a fill up of petrol now and then, so don't feel bad. Only you know your financial circumstances.

This is a difficult one! I look after DGD when her parents are at work, and I wouldn't dream of asking for money, although I'm on a very low income. Nonetheless, a regular amount pops into my bank account monthly, which is much appreciated! My daughter said shut up and take it, or you won't get to babysit! She and her partner are quite well to do, so I don't feel I'm depriving them.
I do realise that I am extremely lucky to have a generous daughter, and I hasten to add that I use most of the spare cash for treats and outings for the little one, and naturally I have a great time too.

What a lot of crotchety old grumps there are on Gransnet. No need for half the judgy remarks people post. Surely the point of a grans' forum is to run things past other grans to get a clearer take on something. In this case, whilst I wouldn't ask for petrol either, it would be no bad thing to do so, for someone on a pension, as cars don't run on fresh air.

gillybob I dont understand separate finances either, my borther and sister in law have been married for 26 years and when i was visiting the other day she snapped at him about using her electricity !

Interesting to see that Im68Now has been deleted from other threads today!! Oldgoose - best to just accept that your daughter is hugely grateful but maybe cannot afford to pay you?

beammeupscottie i agree with your husband . £4620 is way too much and your DD should be ashamed of herself for taking the mick, crikey my DD had a emergency c section, a very early and very poorly baby with a tumor now works 3 jobs has 2 children AND does her own housework.Did your mum pay for someone to do your housework or do you pay for someone to do yours ?

I do housework one morning a week for my daughter. She has a family and works full time. I never worked when my children were young and I just don't know how young families cope these days. Life is so stressful for them. I'm happy to help them.

Grannypiper.

We live a distance from daughter and I do more for the son and his children who live 15 mins awway. I feel guilty I don't do more-can't face the M6 most of the time, so I pay up.
I know it's pathetic but I can't help it. But I know you are right.

I think she should give you something, I do the same for my daughter, and she gives me something every week. Childcare would cost her a lot more,we help each other out. Just because you have retired, doesnt mean you have to spend your days babysitting.

I think it's sad a lot of grandparents think if they ask for money for caring for their grandchildren they won't see them.

Why is that?

I think it very sad when families fall out over money, and should be avoided at all costs(!).

Gaggi3 you're probably right.

Difficult problem ! Do friends of your daughter not have a 'school run' > When I worked full time, my husband having gone off with someone else ! and I went back to work full time, the arrangement was that I would pick up three other children (making four in all including my D) in the mornings, and the other mums would collect in the evenings, my D would then go to activities such as swimming, skating, or just hanging out with one or more of the friends on week day nights until I left work and collected her, She was only 6 at that tume ,,,,so I looked after some of the friends during my holidays from work, or weekends having the little ones over for a sleep over so their parents got a break, This worked extremely well and no money exchanged hands (apart from the cost of the swimming lessons and the skating once a week). What DID somewhat upset me was my sister in law, who was married to (I kid you not !) a very wealthy actuary, offered to take my D to \Portugal to their house on holiday.......and asked me to pay to have D put on sil's passport, for the hotel at Gatwick prior to the flight, the actual costs of the holiday (to their own house !) and food ......of course I paid as I really wanted my D to have a lovely holiday in the sun that I couldn't afford, and she did love that Auntie .......but given my circumstances as a single parent, and her circumstances (housewife, no work, lots of money ..big house in nSurrey, cleaner, etc etc ( I was somewhat miffed at the cost ,,,of course I would have paid towards it, but was amazed at the bill I was presented with )

Grandparents looked after her for three weeks of summer hols, I had one weeks hol with her, then she went to YMCA summer playgroup for the rest of the time ! GPs had a caravan in Devon, so she had some really lovely holidays - I just wished I could have afforded to take her somewhere nice other than days out !

So ...after all that rant, I also worked part time when we moved house to an area I could afford to buy outright, 150 miles away from the GPs and friends, in a school for special needs children who were provided with either a escorted bus door to door, or taxis ....does your local authority not provide this for your special needs GD ? or even a school bus service if the schools for the others are far enough away ? (of course, your D would have to pay for this !) ...and what happens if you are ill or not able to drive ?

Whilst I would say, if you can afford to, and enjoy the grandchildrenm then I would say nothing ....you could ask about other mum's and the school run, or event the 'walking bus' if it is not too far ? You could also ask what would happen if you were ill .....

I hope you reach an amicable solution ...and ignore those horrible remarks someone '68' or some such name, made on here ....always avoid loud or aggressive persons, for they are vexacious to the soul !

(Flowers) !

Things have changed a lot though VIOLETTE. My DGC cannot get into a school anywhere near where they live. They have no choice but to be transported backwards and forwards (or else get several buses).

Gaggi why should sons and daughters fall out. Have you tried to live on the state pension? Every penny counts. Often children may struggle a bit they are earning far more than a pensioner!

Oldgoose.
Can you afford to do what you are doing for your daughter without causing yourself financial hardship or going without something you would like to do if you had the money.If the answer is yes then think well the children won't always want gran to take them to school kids have grown up before you know it.Then they can drive you around.
I would love to be able to do what you are doing but a long haul flight does not give me an option.

SeventhHeaven no, there are NOT a lot of crotchety old grumps on Gransnet. There are a few crotchety grumps, who may be any age at all, not ncessarily old, because no-one is asked for a birth certificate when they join.

"I haven't been given or offered any money" seems to be the problem.

"My daughter said at the start that she would give me a little petrol money" "having retired any little money helps".

In my opinion you do have the right to feel a little miffed. You are not being mercenary in my opinion.

You could perhaps ask in a nice way how her job is going and refer back to the arrangement that was originally suggested by her. You could vaguely mention you are finding things expensive and things you'd like but wish you could afford - new shoes? new hairdo ? MOT? something that needs doing on the car ?

I am speechless-fancy wanting to be paid for looking after grandchildren you need to get a grip.

Philly, you need to find a more tactful way of expressing an opposing view. I think OldGoose has already left this thread due to a previous contributor's unnecessarily harsh words so luckily she's not reeling, as I would be, to read "I'm speechless, get a grip etc"
She wasn't suggesting being paid for childcaring duties, just (partly) reimbursed. Many responders have supported that notion.
Anyway, as I say, she seems to have gone now so we're all just talking to ourselves.

I just wanted to say, hasn't this turned into an interesting thread. I do hope old goose has seen the support she has received and, how there is clearly no "one size fits all " answer. everyone's different circumstances mean that people would all deal with the situation differently

No, philly she doesn't want to be paid for looking after grandchildren, she just wants to be able to afford to fill up her car with petrol when it has all been used up ferrying them around - which her daughter suggested when the arrangement started. Don't you read a thread before you put the boot in?

Philly I would never want to be paid for looking after my grandchildren but as I live alone and only have my pension, I certainly couldn't afford to use my car for lots of journeys, and my children wouldn't expect it of me.
We aren't all rich pensioners.