Fourteen year old granddaughter is harder to mind than when she was two

Thank you all for being so supportive! It means a lot to have like minded peers who understand and can jump in immediately to help! I'll begin by clarifying that my adult children travel often but it is also for work, not just for pleasure. My daughter also faced a serious health issue several years ago and we 'babysat' a lot. They do take family vacations with the twins. They left us a refrigerator full of food and a credit card to use for eating out, shopping for more food, buying gas or petrol (as you call it in the UK), as well as other incidentals. The school they attend does not provide transportation. It isn't that it's terribly far, it's that the roads are very busy and dangerous. This March the weather has also been extremely inclement.

We have always enjoyed spending time with our GC and this is a new problem. A few of your posts honed in on the core issue which is how to modify GDs behavior (on our watch) without damaging my relationship with my daughter. That is the challenge that I am grappling with.

They all sound like an ungrateful lot to me. What a nerve to expect you to look after THEIR children while they go off on their jollies. Book a cruise next time they ask. Be unavailable. You've done your share of child rearing - time to be a bit selfish!

I would probably do what I was asked, I don't like confrontations.

Just curiosity, why does a schedule change matter? Our GC change our schedule often.

Haha Norah I agree Aren't teenagers always taxing I was a very good kid I don't remember ever giving my parents trouble but I do remember climbing out of a window to go and meet a boy I d been advise not to see I wouldn't have been more than 15

Tiffany the original poster has said her daughter and son in law travel for work not necessarily 'jollies' as you put it and even if it was where's the harm in once in a while giving the parents some 'them' time and getting some 'grandkids time' to boot

If the girl is trustworthy and the mother says it's ok I don't see a problem I really don't Mainly I think it's come as a surprise and that is the Mums fault for not letting the Nan know the arrangements she's happy with

She's clearly trying it on. Assert. Try having 30 of them in a class, and having to get them through an exam! Tell her no. She either toes the line, or she doesn't come again, and she explains to parents why. HOWEVER if she gets away with this at home, you have real problems. Ask her brother if she does.

As long as mother doesn't come back and start saying 'why did you let her do that'?

I think some rules and boundaries are called for, along with a list of DGD's friends and their phone numbers.
Being responsible for your own child is one thing but being responsible for someone else's, even a DGC, is quite another.

If it is a regular occurrence and not just a once or twice a year occurrence I think they should look for alternative arrangements.

Willa I agree with Nora and * Bluebell* . My 13 year old GS has lived with me from birth. I see him off to school each day, previously doing the school run before he was old enough to cycle there and have always volunteered at school since retiring. He needs lifts to rugby training and early Sunday matches. Lifts to and from friends homes with no set schedule, but he is polite and considerate in so many ways that I really don't mind.
I'm pleased that he's popular and I'm happy to be chauffeur.
I would have let your GD come home with the other parent at a later time as that's what her parents normally allow and independance is to be encouraged. I don't think you did anything wrong, it's crossed wires, but an overreaction on your daughters part. A light hearted discussion about future rules is all that's needed.

Oh this 14 year old is doing very well isn't she. She runs her own social life, chopping and changing when she wants and she has a range of adults who act as chauffeurs when she needs them. She has also now managed to set her DG and her DM against each other. Someone needs to take her in hand and set some boundaries otherwise she will get a rude awakening when she goes out into the real world and can't have everything her own way.

Well said trisher.
She certainly has her mother wrapped around her little finger to the extent that the OP's DD does not respect or recognise her mother's anxieties and her good nature in caring for these grandchildren.

I just wonder about the DD, does she not realise that all teenagers play the cards-"you really showed me up in front of my friends"
"everyone else is going/has one"
"Dad/mum/gran/anyone else would let me/buy it for me."
You have to take a stand

Agree she (GD) was trying it on, pushung the boundaries, seeing how far she could go, whichever expression you prefer! Agree with HM 999 having neen a teacher at that age they do try to see qhat they sn get away with. If Id been the OP I would have put my foot down at just that point and expected DD to back me up! Show her this thread if necessary!

Your daughter is in the wrong here. She should be telling her children that they are subject to your rules while you are looking after them. For your daughter to have a go at you about this is completely unacceptable. I wouldn't stop looking after them just ask your daughter to make it clear that when they are away the grandchildren live by your rules. It's the only way it can work if you are going to keep them safe.

Sounds like a typical 14 year old, self centred and making a bid for freedom whilst parents are away! If you're in charge then surely your rules apply? This is what our D & SIL says when we're left in charge. I also insist on having a letter giving us temporary 'guardianship' if they are going out of the country just in case there is a medical emergency and decisions have to be made. If your DD doesn't support you then maybe it's time for them to make alternative arrangements. Methinks you hold the best hand of cards :-)

I've had a fall out with my daughter and grandchildren after saying I couldn't drive them to our holiday site that evening straight after work which was 1.5 hours away. I said go on ahead without me and I'll meet them next day. When I got home from work that night my phone bleeped with messages from my grandchildren saying I'd let them down they were so looking forward and that I'd started a row....with whom I didn't know but assumed it was with father who too didn't want the drive after a days work. I feel unfairly penalised as now they don't talk to me.

OH MY GOD, you embarrassed her in front of her friends? How could you? The world is coming to an end!
Every teen in the world has used that one, take a stand, gently request ground rules for future engagements. If it were me, I think I would sit down with both daughter and granddaughter and discuss what is acceptable for both parties. She may well have her own social engagements when mum is home. When you are the managing adult, maybe the rules can change temporarily to accommodate that you are not a youngster and need some routine!