It goes on and on...

Stay calm, Nannynoo, and keep note of every text your daughter sends. Hopefully, for the sake of your grandson, your daughter will be stopped from doing this to you.
Thinking of you. Stay strong!

You are right, nannynoo. You should not be having to deal with this without help.
Make sure the SW knows exactly how bad things are getting.

I got a phone call from the social worker today

My daughter has emailed the guardian with TONS of sh*t about me from my past and my parenting of her , there was reams of it she said and she was honest and said it does look BAD

My past was NOT squeeky clean and I will admit to ANYTHING which is TRUE , all of it , every single one of the many points she has brought up if nessesary

The main ones I am going to work on ( nothing I can do about my past , have learnt my lessons and do none of that stuff any more with anyone let alone little man ) are the two current issues she has ie how long it has taken to sort out little mans bad tooth because the hospital appointment took 10 months to come through and it was me who fought to get that appointment as his dentist kept saying to leave the baby tooth till it fell out naturally and it never did so now it is decayed etc so she took a photo of it and sent it to the guardian with the full character assassination lol

It is not that I have not been looking for the right dentist as with his Autism he needs specialist dental care and after waiting for 10 whole months the appointment came through slap bang in the middle of our holiday so I rang them to reschedule it and she said the computers have been down all week so to try again and I got caught up with other things and then we went on holiday so I was taken off the list

I have since been looking for a paediatric dentist who specialises in children's dental care alone especially anxious ones as they will know how to be calm and patient with a child who has Autism and is nervous and a hospital situation with all the noise and crowds / lots of other people waiting etc well hospitals are an environment he hates so a nice calm room just for him with no hospital waiting area he will be calmer for him

But anyway , his weight is something else I am working on as he comfort eats especially has got much worse when his Mum said he had a room at her house along with the wetting himself and sudden behaviour changes / insecurity and anxiety etc and he himself says ''see Mummy Saturday , stay with Nanny'' so he has worked out in his head what he wants

But I AM stressed , hurt and worried about all this as the court guardian has A LOT of whack in court hence my daughter e-mailing her with all the tons of sh*t about me but anyway will concentrate on the current stuff which I know will be solved and then she has NOTHING on me re the current care of her son or the care of him for the past 2+ years!!

The total historic annihilation of me is done now , so there is no more stuff she has on me so it's done now and I will just be honest about all that even though it is bad but none of that is relevant to the current care of my Grandson so I am going to try not to worry about that even though I have done some BAD THINGS in my past I have learnt from them and would never do them again and none of those things impacted on my Grandson or were done once he was born or in my care from birth so she is simply playing dirty to take the focus of HER and make me out to be a bad carer and so compared to me she is presenting herself as a good carer but let's hope they see through it but am willing to take a grilling for little man if needs be tbh but thanks a lot for all the extra stress while I am trying to concentrate on looking after your son but she does not WANT me to do it well , she wants me to fail but if I fail lo will SUFFER and does she REALLY want that just to 'win'??? ... Sadly yes!

The social worker said she needs to talk to me about some of the things which is fine - I will just be honest!

Everything my daughter said has to go into a report for the court

She also said she is finding this a really unpleasant and stressful case BUT what makes her able to sleep like a baby at night is that the lo in all of this is safe and well and happy!

The funny thing in all this is even though my daughter has raked up some BAD sh*t from my past I am willing to be honest about it all! ..... I am also being honest about how HARD I am finding all this stress and am now on the waiting list for some counselling plus I get online support from you lovely people and some kinship care groups and I get telephone support and a friend rings me when things are pretty bad too for a chat and I have let her sister know what is going on and am basically reaching out for help in all this and being honest and getting some counselling ....BUT let's be HONEST here it is my daughter who needs the HELP and support and counselling etc but she WON'T be honest about ANYTHING and prefers to mud sling , get irate , be abusive and lie about everything under the sun which I REFUSE to do!!

I am keeping myself well by reaching out for support which is helping me soooooooooo much but she ''doesn't need any help and is fine and does not need counselling or support etc coz she is fine and everything is fine and she is getting her son back soon!''...

Well let's just see how it goes as have been told they know this type of thing goes on and they do not take seriously stuff from 10 , 16 , 20 + years ago and they concentrate on the CURRENT issues which I am dealing with but in a way which is BEST for little man and working together WITH him to achieve it!

His tooth WILL be sorted and he WILL lose weight ...... oh and we WILL get the perfect house for us , just this minute heard that the last man in the house chain who came all the way from Cornwall to Bristol today with the paperwork has backed out and pretty coldly and rudely too

So there is a lady who has lost her husband and needs to be near her daughter let down , a little boy with special needs who needs more room and space let down and all the man could say is ''that's none of my business .... nice lol

Not PARTICULARLY having a good day lol BUT I am not giving up and I told the others the link in the chain is broken but we just find another ( nicer! lol ) one!!

Anyway chin up and I'm not giving up for sure xx

There is a strong , consistent , steadfast power in me and it's called LOVE! x

I'm glad they told you the old stuff doesn't carry much weight. It's how you are now, and what's best for your grandson now, that's important.

As far as I can see, you're doing everything right, nannynoo and I hope it's all sorted out for you soon.

Sorry to hear about the rotten time you're having, Nannynoo. Whatever your daughter has bought up is in your past - its very clear that you have only your grandsons best interests at heart. I'm sure it will shine through. Stay strong.

Ahhh thank you , am going to try and simply 'ride it out' now as the truth will naturally become evident if it is not already tbh

I suppose at least she has dished all the dirt she possibly can about me now so it is with the courts...

Just got to see what happens now and between the final hearing , there is nothing else she can do now to smear my name and character / capabilities etc so now I just have to leave her to it to 'prove herself' her 'current self' which is what it is meant to be all about

She is panicking I reckon because eg things are showing up in her hair strand test so they know she is lying plus she has to have a psychatric evaluation which am sure she HOPES she can trick her way through , live in boyfriend has not been DBS checked as yet and some very interesting things are going to show up plus the truth usually reveals itself in time naturally ( I have already seem smidgings of her boyfriend having a temper and he smacks the dog ) and we have till January for more truths to out but there is no more truth about me to out unless she remembers more from the past lol and I will be dealing with the accusations of the 'current' stuff and hopefully they won't use the past stuff against me as I have learnt my lesson and I don't do those things any more ( and we all make mistakes!! )

I am SO hoping they have seen it all before and the brutal character / capability assassination does NOT work!

She may have run out of options then lol ( silly , silly girl!! )

I kept a calm head about the accusations against the school ... she went with all guns blazing and posting it on Facebook and ringing the school for what I am sure was an 'interesting' conversation ... I rang the school too with a query to put my mind at ease but was totally calm and polite in contrast to how I know my daughter is and her true colours will come out eventually and already are tbh

She called the previous headmistress a f*cking b*tch and you just don't DO that however angry you are!! Lol xx

Anyway seeing my solicitor tomorrow so will see what she says about all this

Lots of (((hugs))) nannynoo! Lots of (((hugs!)))

" BUT what makes her able to sleep like a baby at night is that the lo in all of this is safe and well and happy!"

I think this says a lot.

So your dtr is bashing the school, also, not just you. Sounds like she's lashing out at everyone - not good for her, imo. Tbf she's fighting to get her child back, so I guess it's normal for her to lash out this way.

But you're obviously devoted to gs and have been there for him when she wasn't/couldn't be and for so long. You may have to "fight the good fight," but I think the court will see that gs should stay with you. At least, I hope they will.

That's not a reasonable way to fight to get her child back. She needs to show that she is stable and reliable for him, as nannynoo did before her DGS was placed with her.
It's so sad that she can't see the right things to do to get her son back and give him a good life.
You're doing great, nannynoo.

Yup exactly bashing me and the school because ''everyone else is getting it wrong APART from her'' is not a good tactic

Put others down to build yourself up , deflect everything away from yourself so the blame or faults are ''other peoples''

Slate someone else as a carer to show you are a ''better carer than them''

She might as well bite , kick , scream , yell , punch ANYTHING ELSE APART from concentrate on HERSELF and her own path of recovery and proving to the judge that she in her own right in her own self is capable and not by putting others down!!!

She thinks I am putting her down by presenting the truth so has thought OK then I will 'present the truth of my own' by bringing up EVERY mistake I have ever made in my entire life hoping that it destroys my character and therefore makes hers good in comparison

I think the only truth which matters is the truth of the past 2.3 years that lo has been with me and or the truth of the previous 6.7 years since little man was born and in her care and YES the tooth which badly needs treatment now ( still looking for the right dentist as will not drag him from dentist to dentist and have them refuse to treat him! ) and his weight ( workable on and especially once the stress , insecurity and confusion in his life has ended as it is definitely comfort / emotional / stress eating! ) are CURRENT issues I am working on and both are FIXABLE , the past I cannot change , just come clean about etc but how about her coming clean about her current drug and alcohol use and mental health problems??? That would be a start to getting her son back , not lying , deceiving , tricking , blaming everyone else apart from herself , deflecting the focus and downright wanting to 'destroy the enemy' when the enemy is the one who has and still is preventing you from losing your child completely to adoption!!

Yet she refuses to see that and I apparently am the only person standing in the way of her and her child being reunited , well even if that is true I will not move aside so she can potentially HARM him mentally and emotionally etc and sometimes I feel like giving up because of all the stress and the stress to come but I look at little man and say NO I cannot do it - I cannot give up on him and his future happiness , never , ever , ever at all

Crazy thing is she thinks if he was removed from my care they would hand him straight back to her!!! .... erm NO , social services have initiated care proceedings because they have concerns about the child being in your care!! They are doing this because you said if they did not return him to you by Christmas you would take him so they had to do SOMETHING as they were not HAPPY for you to ''take him'' hence why it is at COURT right now , she almost tells everyone that SHE is taking social services to court to get her son back when actually that is not the case!!

If they had no concerns they would have said ''okay then , we will work with you towards reunification around Christmastime'' but it went to a legal planning meeting as they did not WANT that to happen so are taking steps to PREVENT it happening! I alongside them are voicing my concerns which is what she hates because she wants me to support her reunification which I cannot do because of my concerns the same as social services have!

I think I am going potty sometimes as it feels like this is ''her case'' which she has brought to court because she does not agree with him being in care when in fact social services have brought the case to court because they have CONCERNS about little man being returned to her care and I wish I saw it like that more as it feels my daughter ruddy brainwashes everyone into her way of thinking

I am a ''bad carer'' which AUTOMATICALLY makes her a ''good carer'' so a tooth which has not been treated as yet and being overweight are worse than drug and alcohol use along with mental health issues and a tbh 'dodgy' boyfriend who is supposed to be allowed not just around my Grandson but left in his sole care if my daughter goes out etc ..... HELL NO!!! Lol

But pick out my whole list of faults from 30 years ago and hers all automatically diminish erm not in the courts eyes actually as they want to know about current issues and current care and just the fact that she wants to remove him from me out of spite shows them she is not thinking about his best interests as would she rather rip him away and put him into stranger foster care or does she REALLY think they will be knocking at her door with him???

( Sadly I think she is under the delusion that if I can no longer care for him they will be knocking down her door for her to have him!!! Lol )

Anyway , even her thinking to me is a bit off key as her focus should be on proving herself to the judge not slinging mud at me .... it seems like a diversion tactic or ''look what a bad carer my Mum is'' ...soooo it necessary follows as ''look what a good carer I AM / will be in 'comparison''' as I would not have done those things to him ( ie his tooth would be fixed and he would not be overweight and I have not done all those bad things my Mum did in the past!!!!!! ) Look what a good / perfect carer I am for him in comparison!!

Yeah right , your Mum is not on drugs or an alcoholic with mental health issues , she takes care of herself and when the stress get's too much she reaches out for help and tries to get the situation resolved ( ie someone else supervising contact soon in the run up to court ) she SEEKS / ASKS for counselling ( not refuses it ) she COMES CLEAN about every single accusation which is thrown at her ( by you only as you are the only one who does it ) She does not lie about it but comes clean about everything , she is not covering anything up! ..... She did not take class A drugs while her children were young or end up on 'tag' twice , or arrested for drink driving both times refusing to do the breathalyser test , or in court for violent offences and assaulting a police officer all while her Autistic son was still in her care , or passed out drunk when the school bus dropped her son off so did not answer the door on numerous occasions , or child went UNFED ( and you have the cheek to say he is overweight now but at least I ruddy well FEED him! ) so yeah you point the finger at me if you like and ok the above is the 'past' stuff as well before he was removed but it was the past stuff while my Grandson was in your care and none of the stuff you accuse me of from my 'past' was when my Grandson was in my care or even born yet!!!

But let's look at your 'current' stuff , you say you are clean of EVERYTHING , don't touch a drop of alcohol and nor does your boyfriend who does not take drugs either and won't allow you to drink , he is not living with you and he was not smoking weed in front of the children at your sons Birthday party or pass out stoned on the settee towards the end of the party ....

All LIES so you can lie to get your son back and expect me to go along with it and remove him from his happy home to be subjected to both you and your boyfriend who don't abuse animals or drugs or alcohol ( she lied about the pet abuse and denied it of course to everyone ) and you have the cheek to be angry at me for letting the truth out so okay you have 'done the same' but in such a dirty , underhand , malicious , vengeful , spiteful way to the point of saying you don't want him in my care? well okay then I will hand him back and he will be ADOPTED and you will lose him forever and never see him again but of course that WON'T happen because you are going to lie your way through court and the assessments and psychiatric evaluations by saying all the right things and play acting which you are a bit too worryingly good at tbh but I hope to God they can all see through it because my gut flips at the thought of my Grandson being in your care unless something changes and you come clean and get some ruddy help ...please , for your own sake , let alone this being your last chance to get your son back who wants to stay with me anyway so you will have your work cut out as it is to resettle him!!!

Sorry to rant so much , it just feels wrong what she is doing and I am just about slowly recovering this week from the stress and trauma of it all xx

A lot of people are saying 'fair enough , she is fighting back dirty' but I do NOT feel it is 'fair' but yet I know she cannot help herself which is worrying in itself but let's just see how everything goes as I am done with my 'snooping' and 'investigating' and social services can take over that role now and do that part of things and I can just see to little man who still has no idea if he is coming or going but keeps saying ''stay with Nanny please''

I am going to be concentrating on ;

1/ Little man of course , bless him , and

2/ My SGO assessment , and that's IT unless we get our move to our therapeutic dream house as well , that would be some nice icing on the cake for us as well as little baby Granddaughter from my older daughter making an appearance in December and she is our Rainbow Baby after losing her baby sister 3 years ago so we could do with some joy tbh!! x