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Children or G.children - who do you care for most?

(81 Posts)
Franbern Sat 07-Oct-17 15:16:31

Am I the ONLY Mother/GrandMother who does not love her g.children more than she loves her own children. I am fortunate in that all my g.children were planned and much loved. I do love them - as an extension of the love for their Mums (only my daughters have children).
When my first g.child was born and people kept asking me about him, all I could think was that I had had the most beautiful wonderful babies in the world - and that nothing could ever equal those.
I hear and read of other g.parents who seem to be totally OTT regarding their g.children, and often there seems to be a not very good relationship with their own offspring.
When I visit /am visited the person I am most anxious to see and to speak to is my own child. Fortunately, my daughters accept this (with amusement).
I am always there to help out with g.children and attend school concerts, sports comps, etc. etc. And am delighted when they do well.
But, TBH - as long as my own children (however old they are) are happy, then I am happy, and if my g.children assist in making them happy then that bubble of love will extend to them also. But never as much as the way I love my own kids.

Lona Sat 07-Oct-17 15:40:54

I agree totally Franbern, I adore my grandchildren, but I don't love them more than my children. They aren't my responsibility, they are the bonus of my old age!

Luckygirl Sat 07-Oct-17 15:41:58

I love 'em all! - I have not quantified it! - and can see no reason to.

norose4 Sat 07-Oct-17 15:57:05

I would say I love them equally, but the responsibility for their upbringing is not mine,( unless Nanny is babysitting !) so I do feel a slightly less intense version of love & am happy to relinquish that overwhelming sense of responsibility that comes with child care/ rearing, in fact I am scared of forgetting the do's & don'ts issued by the parents when I am in charge of DGC.

MissAdventure Sat 07-Oct-17 16:13:39

My daughter is the person I love most in this world. Always has been, and always will be.

nanaK54 Sat 07-Oct-17 16:24:44

Completely agree with Luckygirl I couldn't possibly choose I love them all so very much

Ilovecheese Sat 07-Oct-17 16:43:16

When I went to the hospital after my daughter had her baby I went straight to my daughter to see how she was before looking at my grandchild.
I love them all, but I suppose really I put my children first.

Norah Sat 07-Oct-17 16:46:21

I agree Franbern, my husband and children are my most loved.

Starlady Sat 07-Oct-17 17:32:18

Imo, the loves are different because, as norose says, there isn't that sense of responsibility with our gc, except when we're babysitting. I don't really see how the two can be compared, and I don't try. I love them all - that's it.

BlueBelle Sat 07-Oct-17 17:57:57

It’s not a competition ...daft question imo

Iam64 Sat 07-Oct-17 18:27:53

Of course it isn't a competition BlueBell but I'm not sure it's a daft question. I'm besotted with my grandchildren, I get so much fun and enjoyment out of them but - my own children haven't been put on the back burner or reduced to 2nd citizens.

Iam64 Sat 07-Oct-17 18:29:15

Oh for an edit button. I want to add that some grandparents do seem to elevate their grandchildren to centre stage, that is to some kind of higher importance than their own adult children, the grandchildrens' parents.

Eglantine21 Sat 07-Oct-17 18:57:45

Actually I'm quite alarmed by the obsessive/possessive love that two people I know have for their grandchildren. One of them is definitely working at the breakdown of her daughter's marriage so that daughter and grandchild will come home to live with her.
The other daydreams about the child being left an orphan and she will bring her up shock

Auntieflo Sat 07-Oct-17 20:04:27

Eglantine, that is appalling. I love all three of our children dearly. Our grandchildren are very dear to me, but we have not had the input and closeness that we had with our children, due to the distance at which they live from us. Now that we are great grandparents and my heart is overflowing with love. We will not see them often, the love is different, but nothing will surpass my love for our children.

BlueBelle Sat 07-Oct-17 20:35:01

I don t think you can approportion love out you either love with your every bit of being or not. To me love doesn’t involve percentages
I only know if any of my children or grandchildren needed a kidney or something I d give any of them I wouldn’t think ‘well I d give to that one but maybe not that one’ so as far as that’s concerned I feel l love them all as my flesh and blood
Eglantine your story is appalling

Maggiemaybe Sat 07-Oct-17 21:09:41

I agree with you, BlueBelle. Love isn’t something that’s limited, to be shared out. I’ve never understood how anyone can love one of their children more than another. To my mind this is the same situation. I love them all, totally and unconditionally.

Maggiemaybe Sat 07-Oct-17 21:12:20

Your friends sound a bit unhinged, Eglantine. I’d back away slowly, if I were you.

Chewbacca Sat 07-Oct-17 21:58:12

I love my DS to his very bones and that hasn't diminished or changed in any way since the 2 GC arrived. I love both of my GC too, just as much. But love isn't a cake whereby the more people there are in your life; the slices of cake get smaller. The cake of love just gets bigger. a very clunking analogy there but you get my drift

Imperfect27 Sat 07-Oct-17 22:03:59

I was definitely 'surprised by love' for my GS. I just didn't realise l would love him so very much. But l haven,'t compared the loves l have ...different relationships, different bonds, but the same depths of love l think.

ninathenana Sat 07-Oct-17 22:05:16

I haven't had contact with GC for 10 mths now. Of course I would dearly love to see or even speak to them but I'm not as devastated as I would be not to have contact with D for that long.

ginny Sat 07-Oct-17 23:34:32

Never compared. Different types of relationships. I just love all my family with all my heart.

Crafting Sat 07-Oct-17 23:48:01

Love both my DC with all my heart. Same with my DGC. All of them mean the world to me and DH. Pretty fond of both my DIL's too.

storynanny Sun 08-Oct-17 02:06:40

I love my children more than anything else, but love my grandchildren as part of them. It isn't the same though because you are not making choices for them or being immersed in their daily upbringing in the same intense way.

morethan2 Sun 08-Oct-17 06:31:40

I also don't think you can apportioned love. I never thought I could love another women's children as much as my own and was wonderfully surprised when my grandchildren arrived and I did. The joy of having a baby/child in the family is fabulous. Watching my my own children nurturing and loving their children gives me such a feeling of contentment and pride. I feel so lucky to have loved and been so loved by them all.

Craftycat Sun 08-Oct-17 10:58:25

Having my DGC was like having my boys again- just without all the hard work & sleepless nights. Youngest is image of his Dad & just the same cheeky character. All 6 are amazing- even the 'problem' older DGD
I don't think I have ever thought about which I love most- I just adore them all & am so very lucky to have them near enough to see them regularly- something I never take for granted.
I love seeing my boys doing & saying the things I said to & did with them to their own children- it's magic.