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Children or G.children - who do you care for most?

(82 Posts)
Franbern Sat 07-Oct-17 15:16:31

Am I the ONLY Mother/GrandMother who does not love her g.children more than she loves her own children. I am fortunate in that all my g.children were planned and much loved. I do love them - as an extension of the love for their Mums (only my daughters have children).
When my first g.child was born and people kept asking me about him, all I could think was that I had had the most beautiful wonderful babies in the world - and that nothing could ever equal those.
I hear and read of other g.parents who seem to be totally OTT regarding their g.children, and often there seems to be a not very good relationship with their own offspring.
When I visit /am visited the person I am most anxious to see and to speak to is my own child. Fortunately, my daughters accept this (with amusement).
I am always there to help out with g.children and attend school concerts, sports comps, etc. etc. And am delighted when they do well.
But, TBH - as long as my own children (however old they are) are happy, then I am happy, and if my g.children assist in making them happy then that bubble of love will extend to them also. But never as much as the way I love my own kids.

Madgran77 Wed 11-Oct-17 20:02:44

When I looked at Mail online Nannynoo was not mentioned in the bits published so I am a bit confused as to whether I have missed part of the article. Either way I am also somewhat surprised that it can be circulated as a screen shot or whatever - with GN names, a opposed to just quotes without attributing

Beau Wed 11-Oct-17 12:59:13

It's only on Mail Online and they have only done a screenshot of 5 responses. Only 55 people have commented (often 2,000 or more comments are recorded for big stories) and the last comment was 5 hours ago. I am a regular on Mail Online and this has gone practically unnoticed so no-one should panic.

mcem Wed 11-Oct-17 08:50:26

How sad you've been left feeling this way.
Approach GNHQ. Change your name. Be very circumspect when you post again. Given the chance, those who offered much-needed support will continue to do that. Those who know your story will pick up on a few subtle hints.
So many well-wishers - don't act hastily and lose their support.

Maggiemaybe Wed 11-Oct-17 08:09:28

nannynoo, no one is going to blame you for anything. We’re all behind you, and I hope Admin can sort this out without you having to leave. flowers

BlueBelle Wed 11-Oct-17 06:19:00

Gosh Nannymoo we all do it, get interested in a subject and totally forget the nasty way this is passed around
Don’t leave change your name

Chewbacca Wed 11-Oct-17 00:19:20

No one here will slag you off nannynoo. I hope all goes well with you and your DGS. sad

cornergran Wed 11-Oct-17 00:16:27

Talk to admin nannynoo, I hope they can help and protect your identity. No lectures from me, no one will 'slag you off', my heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry and wish you well.

MissAdventure Wed 11-Oct-17 00:02:59

Oh Nannynoo. I'm so sorry. I dont know what to say. X

nannynoo Tue 10-Oct-17 23:54:25

OMFG my fault I got sucked into this debate and shared some very private information but I had NO IDEA there was a risk it would be printed in the Daily Ruddy Mail

I have to leave this whole site immediately and silly silly me for being so desperate for support I let it all out on here

I just hope admin can remove all my posts and what a horrid lesson I have learnt when I am already having a REALLY INCREDIBLY rough time and could do without this worry on top of it sad sad

Please no lectures on internet safety as I had no idea it would end up in the Daily Mail and am SHOCKED AS HELL sad

Thanks SO much to those who offered me some wonderful support on here but I HAVE to leave now this has happened and I honestly had no idea there was a risk these posts would end up in the TABLOID NEWSPAPERS confused

Any way you can slag me off for it behind my back now if you like but I am off now and have to leave sad sad

Madgran77 Tue 10-Oct-17 22:02:28

I Love them all spreads rather than being "shared out"

Elegran Tue 10-Oct-17 19:45:32

Grans have not, in fact, "engaged in a debate", on the subject. Someone asked the question and a few people have replied - nobody put one far above the other and no-one made an argument of it. The controversy was invented by the DM, as usual. Some journalist thinks to him or herself, "What can we stir up today between the generations? Ah, I know - children vs grandchildren!"

Elegran Tue 10-Oct-17 17:09:07

Who gets more attention depends who is in most need of TLC at any given time, but the LOVE is constant and equal for all of them. Surely that is true for all grandparents? Just as the question "Which of your children do you love most?" ought to get the same answer.

I don't like the thought that this conversation is being published in the Daily Mail, and I hope that any reader or journalist who is directed here sees my post and reads it. If that newspaper wishes to poll its readers on whether they care more for their grandchildren than their children, they should do the work themselves of constructing a questionnaire, collecting answers ,and having a reputable journalist make conclusions. Cheap and shoddy journalism!!

NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Oct-17 16:13:48

I love all mine.

Hate the Daily Mail though !!

Chewbacca Tue 10-Oct-17 15:34:35

Here's the link:


MotherHubbard Tue 10-Oct-17 12:21:41

Have just seen that this thread is now on-line in the Daily Mail, they have copied messages and posters user names. I was quite surprised as I know it’s been mentioned that discussions weren’t private but didn’t realise they would be used in such a way.

ginny Mon 09-Oct-17 21:46:56

Love your explanation Absent.

Bluegal Mon 09-Oct-17 20:57:28

Hi Franbern, I totally 'get' what you are saying. I love all my grandchildren to bits (now have ten). They are really close to me but sometimes they behave in ways I just wouldn't have accepted from my own children and I know I can't interfere. Its THEIR children. They bring them up as they seem fit. I look at my children and am so proud of what they have become through some difficult times (but won't go into that).

When my first grandson was born I was immediately filled with love (sadly he died at 2 days), then followed his sister and again I was so filled with love and so on with all of them. However, I still know there is a part of me that feels much the same as you do (I suspect) that the children you carry within you, who you bring up your way, with your guidance alone is something that cannot be repeated?

I guess we are lucky in that we have amazing relationships with our own children and perhaps some people don't but they do have with their grandchildren? I feel love for them all, its not that I don't, its just I understand what you are saying about your own children. Actually my mum is still pretty much the same with me....she adores her granchildren and great grandchildren but I know when it comes to it she still "spoils" me the most - I'm 64 ha ha ha

absent Mon 09-Oct-17 06:13:07

How do you measure love? I love my daughter; I love my granddaughters; I love my grandsons.

A long time ago when my daughter was young I described my heart as a huge house full of rooms. Some of the rooms, such as hers, were occupied. Some of those rooms had been occupied, such as my father's, but were now empty but still belonged to the person who had been there. Some of those rooms were waiting for their doors to open for someone to move in for the first time. Someone moving into a previously unoccupied room didn't make anyone else's room smaller or less important.

Actually my question should have been why do you measure love?

nannynoo Mon 09-Oct-17 03:42:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nannynoo Mon 09-Oct-17 03:29:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ellie Anne Sun 08-Oct-17 22:02:12

I love all my children but they are all very different and sometimes not very lovable.i love my two grandchildren but I can’t say it was instant. It grew gradually and like others I enjoyed them more when I could interact with them.

AmMaz Sun 08-Oct-17 20:40:22

Hear, hear Bluebell! How weird to compare like that.

Diddy1 Sun 08-Oct-17 20:22:05

Love them all

keffie Sun 08-Oct-17 18:40:15

Franburn I totally get you and agree. It's a different type of love I think. It's unconditional but not the same as for my children.

kwest Sun 08-Oct-17 18:23:21

I love my son and daughter more than I can say and I love their children enormously, but , they are their children. They are excellent parents and whilst always trying to be supportive when needed, I don't feel that I should micro-manage their lives. They are families in their own right and I love them very much. My 'family' is my husband who enjoys all the attention he gets now that our children are all grown up with homes and families of their own.