Children or G.children - who do you care for most?

Love is a very strange thing. I never had that immediate rush of love for my first born son but experienced it 3 years later when his brother was born - I love them both the same now of course. When the eldest's daughter was born however the minute I saw her when she was only 2 hours old that bond was there but when her sister was born it wasn't - it grew over time. Now 20 and 16 they're both wonderful girls and although we don't see much of them due to distance love them to bits and would do anything for them. Strangely when my youngest son's wife became pregnant I felt that same emotion when I saw the first scan but as they emigrated before my grandson was born never had the chance to bond with him or his little brother born 2 years later. Now 4 and 2 they are coming for Christmas for 6 weeks and although extremely excited at the prospect of spending time with them I'm really hoping we do have the same feelings as we have for their cousins.

I think Sheilasue she is right in saying that you feel differently about a GC you have helped raise.
My DD ,sil and newly born GS came to live with me 11 years ago after my DH died.
My DD went back to work shortly after giving birth and I looked after my GS.
Because of this I developed the same bond as we do with our own children which is borne out of daily contact.

I have 1 DD, 1 DS and 2 DGDs (DD is their mother). Love them all equally.

Going against the flow here, I loved and still love my DS and DD, but am besotted with love for my 4 DC, as they run to greet me their little arms out wanted to be picked up and cuddled, being told they love me and I'm the best grandma in the world (the saying you love your children but are in love with your grandchildren fits me perfectly).

The moment my DS was born I fell hopelessly in love with him, and the moment I first saw my DGS I fell for him too!
I love them both with every fibre of my being, equally!
DH and I both love having DGS with us three days every week and often overnight at weekends. We were both working full time when DS was a baby, so it's wonderful having enough time to really enjoy DGS!

I adore them all but if I am totally honest, the one who makes my heart turn over when I see him waiting for me on a station platform is my first born.

I love my son and daughter more than I can say and I love their children enormously, but , they are their children. They are excellent parents and whilst always trying to be supportive when needed, I don't feel that I should micro-manage their lives. They are families in their own right and I love them very much. My 'family' is my husband who enjoys all the attention he gets now that our children are all grown up with homes and families of their own.

Franburn I totally get you and agree. It's a different type of love I think. It's unconditional but not the same as for my children.

Love them all

Hear, hear Bluebell! How weird to compare like that.

I love all my children but they are all very different and sometimes not very lovable.i love my two grandchildren but I can’t say it was instant. It grew gradually and like others I enjoyed them more when I could interact with them.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

How do you measure love? I love my daughter; I love my granddaughters; I love my grandsons.

A long time ago when my daughter was young I described my heart as a huge house full of rooms. Some of the rooms, such as hers, were occupied. Some of those rooms had been occupied, such as my father's, but were now empty but still belonged to the person who had been there. Some of those rooms were waiting for their doors to open for someone to move in for the first time. Someone moving into a previously unoccupied room didn't make anyone else's room smaller or less important.

Actually my question should have been why do you measure love?

Hi Franbern, I totally 'get' what you are saying. I love all my grandchildren to bits (now have ten). They are really close to me but sometimes they behave in ways I just wouldn't have accepted from my own children and I know I can't interfere. Its THEIR children. They bring them up as they seem fit. I look at my children and am so proud of what they have become through some difficult times (but won't go into that).

When my first grandson was born I was immediately filled with love (sadly he died at 2 days), then followed his sister and again I was so filled with love and so on with all of them. However, I still know there is a part of me that feels much the same as you do (I suspect) that the children you carry within you, who you bring up your way, with your guidance alone is something that cannot be repeated?

I guess we are lucky in that we have amazing relationships with our own children and perhaps some people don't but they do have with their grandchildren? I feel love for them all, its not that I don't, its just I understand what you are saying about your own children. Actually my mum is still pretty much the same with me....she adores her granchildren and great grandchildren but I know when it comes to it she still "spoils" me the most - I'm 64 ha ha ha

Love your explanation Absent.

Have just seen that this thread is now on-line in the Daily Mail, they have copied messages and posters user names. I was quite surprised as I know it’s been mentioned that discussions weren’t private but didn’t realise they would be used in such a way.

Here's the link:

femail/article-4965522/Grands-engage-debate-loving-grandchildren-more.html

I love all mine.

Hate the Daily Mail though !!

Who gets more attention depends who is in most need of TLC at any given time, but the LOVE is constant and equal for all of them. Surely that is true for all grandparents? Just as the question "Which of your children do you love most?" ought to get the same answer.

I don't like the thought that this conversation is being published in the Daily Mail, and I hope that any reader or journalist who is directed here sees my post and reads it. If that newspaper wishes to poll its readers on whether they care more for their grandchildren than their children, they should do the work themselves of constructing a questionnaire, collecting answers ,and having a reputable journalist make conclusions. Cheap and shoddy journalism!!

Grans have not, in fact, "engaged in a debate", on the subject. Someone asked the question and a few people have replied - nobody put one far above the other and no-one made an argument of it. The controversy was invented by the DM, as usual. Some journalist thinks to him or herself, "What can we stir up today between the generations? Ah, I know - children vs grandchildren!"

I Love them all ...it spreads rather than being "shared out"

OMFG my fault I got sucked into this debate and shared some very private information but I had NO IDEA there was a risk it would be printed in the Daily Ruddy Mail

I have to leave this whole site immediately and silly silly me for being so desperate for support I let it all out on here

I just hope admin can remove all my posts and what a horrid lesson I have learnt when I am already having a REALLY INCREDIBLY rough time and could do without this worry on top of it

Please no lectures on internet safety as I had no idea it would end up in the Daily Mail and am SHOCKED AS HELL

Thanks SO much to those who offered me some wonderful support on here but I HAVE to leave now this has happened and I honestly had no idea there was a risk these posts would end up in the TABLOID NEWSPAPERS

Any way you can slag me off for it behind my back now if you like but I am off now and have to leave

Oh Nannynoo. I'm so sorry. I dont know what to say. X

Talk to admin nannynoo, I hope they can help and protect your identity. No lectures from me, no one will 'slag you off', my heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry and wish you well.