Apologies

Mawbroon I meant that the complete ignoring of questions is odd .... from a post that purports to be advising, one would expect a meaningful response to questions ! Strange and I certainly understand tge "Alexa" comment!

LLL not one of my questions was "bear baiting" !! I fail to see how you can have interpreted them that way but genuinely would like to know what I said that gave you that impression. I have found your lack of response to my genune question about why acknowledging hurt is not the right way to apologise a bit odd. I don't understand why saying you think you have hurt someone and are sorry is wrong?

Oh crumbs get off your high horse LLL and learn to spell “skilful “ and “advice” when you are at it. Nobody is bear-baiting you but you are just being rude in your selective (copied and pasted) comments.
You can have a more meaningful exchange with “Alexa”

So, LLL, apologies are insincere and should be ignored and questions are goading.
Are there any positives in your life that make you laugh? I am not sure what laove is but I won’t ask.
Have a good day.

It was a male European CEO who said "I'm sorry that you were upset by what I said" when he had really torn me off a strip when he was in the wrong. So not a female thing in my experience.

As a mature adult who can walk away when a situation is irretrievable, I choose to walk away from this thread because is seems to be from a person with no empathy and without the courage to answer the uncomfortable questions. I have better things to do with my life.

You've listed 21 ways how NOT to apologies. Twenty one. I didn't know there was that many.

You've made generalized and sweeping statements aimed soley at women who are mothers.

What about people who have mental health issues? Abusive relationships? And people who are just funny buggers and nothing you do will fix it because it's not you. Its them!
Some people are controlling, manipulative, difficult and you have to walk on egg shells. People like that exist.

My MIL isn't apart of DHs life. She does say she doesn't know what she's done wrong, but what's different is, she does. She does know. She's choosing to ignore it, why? No idea.
It won't get fixed untill she does admit it and we can all move on.
That's HIS sitatition and its not as black and white as it seems.

But I can tell you as his wife, who has witnessed it, he would LOVE his DM to give a shit. Text him, ring him, send cards, say sorry (any of the 21 options given) just anything to show she cares.

So all that advice you've given doesn't apply to his situation either.

Do you think people would be posting here if they did know what went wrong? Asking for help and advice, how to heal? How to move on? If an apology was all that could fix it, don't you think they would of apologied on 101 ways?

And you DON'T know why people have reacted the way they have?

LiveLaughLove I wonder if you chose your name on things you have little or no experience of?
Live- well most of us on here have probably done more of that than you have and seen much more.
Laugh- well we have tried but you simply don't, or can't, join in
Love- most of us have done more of this than you have as well, even those who have suffered the pangs of astrangement (and I haven't).
I wonder why you imagine that mothers' of sons are mostly to blame for family breakdown?
It is a subject so complicated, such a simple analysis speaks more of the personal than the objective.
What did you expect GNers to do? Fall to our knees in awe? You need to read a few more threads.

LLL - Simple question, not at all "bear-baiting": Can you give us an example of what you see as a "sincere apology?"

"4. The assumptive apology. (I think I may have hurt you. I’m sorry)."

Madgran, is this ^ what you're referring to? I can't speak for LLL, of course, but I THINK she might be seeing this as in the same category as, "I'm sorry for whatever I did." It doesn't actually take responsibility for the offense.

But I disagree a little. Madgran & LLL, I believe "I think I may have hurt you" has a place in the realm of sincerity. For example, if your AC or CIL seems to have turned cold, but you're not sure why (you-general, I mean). Or if you didn't think what you said/did was hurtful, but are beginning to suspect it was.

Now if you were obviously rude or cruel and just said, "Hmmm... let's see... I think I may have hurt you," that would be very fake, imo, very fake, indeed.

For goodness sakes! If you love someone and you have a close relationship there shouldn't be any need for all this pussyfooting around!
Just say sorry in your own way, in your own words. That should be good enough. So many stupid 'rules' to follow.
Makes me cross!

Thankyou Starlady I agree it does have a place and can be valid. Your example of when it might not be valid is also true. I know you cant speak for Ll, neither can I , but I appreciate your thoughtful response as I have been pondering on it since seeing the original post

LLL - this is not bear-baiting or criticism, but a genuine enquiry - do you know how to use a spell-checker, a grammar checker or how to proof-read effectively. The first sentence of your post on 8th March at 21.53 doesn't make sense to me ...
-Reaching out incessively, ignoring their requests for no contact, holding family interventions, showing up randomly to talk, blaming them for having mental health issues, or being ungrateful, entitled mean, spoilt and selfish children - further assumes that you believe in having had a healthy relationship and want to maintain one, irrespective of the fact that they obviously left for something about this relationship you share eventually took a toxic turn.-
Also when you say "incessively", do you mean "excessively."

One other point - interpret this how you like - when I was a teacher it was easy to spot which parts of a student's work was copied and pasted from the internet due to the sudden change in style, long rambling sentences, strange spellings - usually down to good old Wikipaedia. Just saying ...

or perhaps 'incessantly'?

Jalima1108 Could be! Still doesn't make sense or am I being excessively/incessantly thick? wouldn't be the first time

You and me both then!!

We'll I took an oath to do no harm and will adhere to it solely for majority have expressed that this post is somehow doing more harm than good. Everyone wants their questions answered but no one has answered my original question. Why do the vast majority of estrangements revovle around the mother-child relationship? It's not all about you and how you feel, and how saddened you are over the break up - and as such reconciliation doesn't have to be based on your terms, your way and your time. Give your children space, respect their distance, and if they choose to forgive you they will eventually come back to you.
But some are so pushy, whilst vilifying a one sided coin and getting away with all forms of harassment and stalking. Why? Because even forgiveness and reconciliation has to be their way. Allow your children to determine what's healthy for them. This surely can't be under another persons control? Or can it?

Plus there's no need to get petty about petty issues like spell check - especially when the message that's being passed across has clearly been understood.

And truthfully speaking, whether or not you know what you did wrong is not really the main point. The main point is that the an adult, of legal age, and of sound mind has consciously decided that it would be healthier for THEM to estrange themselves from a given relationship. Why would anyone be vilified for making healthy decisions over their own life?

What’s the point of this long and lengthy thread ?

You took the Hippocratic Oath - surely that is an oath taken by physicians?

BB some people just like to voice their own views ad nauseam???

GN seems to attract them.

And still no answers to straightforward questions! Pompous and long-winded but achieving very little. Also rather deluded - the message has been clearly understood ???
How awful to be in an estranged family situation and have to rely on this gobbledygook for help and advice.
Despite allusions to the ?Hippocratic? oath we still don't know what qualifications our "expert" has!

Ps How does one "vilify a one-sided coin" ?

I fear LLL likes the sound of her own voice but fortunately [hands over ears emoticon] we do have the freedom to ignore claptrap and IMO the best thing would now be for this to slide down the Active Conversations Page!
No true dialogue is possible when a conversation remains one sided so I for one am happy to leave her —babbling— talking to herself.

truthfully speaking, whether or not you know what you did wrong is not really the main point. The main point is that the an adult, of legal age, and of sound mind has consciously decided that it would be healthier for THEM to estrange themselves from a given relationship.

Am I the only one who thinks that anyone who would cut off the people who love them without even telling them why can't really be of sound mind?