Overwhelmed

move to Prestatyn. Its only 50 miles from Warrington and you know already that you can build up friends in a smaller town as you have a caravan there you might put your stuff into storage and try it out for a bit before b uying again.

You can decide to help your daughter say once a month. have some time for your son's family and think carfully about the kind of life you need to lead seeing art gallerys etc.

You are in a sandwich of needs between your parents and your daughter. Both sets of needs will increase not decrease with time and your health and vitality should take priority in your life.

Good luck.

ooh patriciageegee. So sorry if it came across that way. I wrote
"My neighbours are lovely and I go to some nice classes and walks but otherwise haven't made many friends"

I prefer smaller places and nature not an urban environment Just a preference nothing against Warrington per se!
I came here to help my daughter. Of course I had been here before and knew it wasn't like Cornwall!
And yes the situation has made it harder to settle.

there is no specific nhs available medication for cfs, and therapies which have been suggested and are still recommended by NICE has been shown to be not only useless but actually damaging. Many people who were able to live some sort of life ended up in a darkened room unable to bear the stimulation of another person in the room after forcing themselves to attempt graded exercise therapy or adaptive pacing therapy. Others just killed themselves in despair. CFS is not another term for ME but it often used as such, quite erroneously, which adds to the problems of diagnosis and treatment. Most 'helpful' people suggest doing all the things which the condition makes difficult or impossible as a way of getting better - rather like suggesting that someone with multiple compound fractures in their leg would recover more quickly if they removed their plaster cast and went skiing. You must decide where and how you want to live and then calculate what time you can devote to your family. I think you need to take time to assess your options and make some decisions just for you. Your son-in-law is the one with the responsibility for making decisions with your daughter about her health, if you are an only child then it may be that it is your parents who need more of your energy at this time. It's a balance between duty and choice which I think you need to decide on and achieve before spending energy on others. Good luck!

patriciageegee of course it isn't the town and if you read what the poor lady is trying to deal with that will tell you what the problem is. She is undoubtedly homesick for what she has left behind but once she backs off from so many commitments and her health picks up she will discover what you already know. She could do with a friend so perhaps if you are still living in Warrington you could both meet up for coffee some time and you could share with her all the good things about where she is now living. Just a thought!

Vwaves, what an awful situation for you to be in. No wonder we are called the "sandwich generation", caught between grandchildren and elderly parents. With all this going on in your life its a wonder you haven't got health issues - and where would your family be if suddenly you were too ill to assist them? I thought the procedures for adopting children were quite stringent so I wonder why your daughter who obviously has issues was able to take on these children? I know there is help out there if your grandson has issues but it is a question of pushing for it. My H has lots of issues both mental and physical which I have to deal with on a daily basis so I know how stressful these things can be. I also help my daughter with her children as well as going to work and I have elderly parents who fortunately are still quite independent but I worry about what its going to be like as they get less so. I do hope you find a solution although I know it won't be easy but do try and take your own well being into account.

Vwaves sorry for going off on a bit of a harsh one regarding good old Wazz it tends to get a bad press and I tend to get a little protective of it. Great suggestion from synonymous - not quite sure how private messages work on GN but it would be lovely if you fancied meeting up for a coffee and I can bore you rigid with all the wonderful aspects of a WA postcode

Sounds as if your immune system might already be down, what with the chest infection. When mine gets down with too much bab!sitting I start getting boils. They are like the canary in the mine. Time for you to tell those involved that you need to build yourself up ie stop everything and look after yourself or you will be no good yourself or anyone else.
Book another holiday.

No wonder you are feeling so overwhelmed and confused vwaves. I nee ded a drink and a good lie down just after reading your post. There are so many conflicting issues apparent responsibilities and and also so many options. You could come up with a thousand combinations and
permutations.

The first issue is identifying what YOU want to do with this next stage of your life. When you have done that then you can consider the multiple other responsibilities you either have (or think you have) and work out how they fit into YOUR plan. Only then you will be able to move forward.

I think you are so overwhelmed and almost paralysed by the crush of responsibilities that you would benefit from seeing a really good counsellor who can help you to untangle the threads and help you to identify where, how and who you go with from here.

Would strongly suggest that you make no big decisions until you have some sort of life plan worked out. One if my pretty basic personal rules is to never make an important decision if I am depressed. You can guarantee it will be the wrong decision.
Can only wish you Bon voyage as you embark on this new journey. ?

I've been doing too much for my daughter and SIL .... who both work full-time and are extremely capable. But I love doing what I do as it gets me away from a mentally exhausting home atmosphere ( a baby for a husband). Most weeks I manage to walk 35-40 miles in their service( I don't drive) and I'm fitter than ever, give me physical exhaustion over mental exhaustion any day!! But you VWAVES.... are being worn o a frazzle !! Stop now and think... I really liked that fridge magnet quote "stress is your mouth saying yes but your gut saying no".... says it all!! Good luck VWAVES... time to look after No. 1

Weaves looks like you might have made a Warrington friend already !
When you are in the middle of a Maze you can’t see the way out Take yourself away for a weekend and look at your problems through the eyes of these caring messages You will be able to work out a more manageable timetable to please yourself and everyone you love but you will need outside help you are only one not four
I always find a pen and paper for , pros and cons, do and don’t do lists a good way to start
Good luck ?

You are clearly suffering from burnout. Consider either going on a retreat or taking a month's very simple holiday
to rest , recover and get your head straight. Life is not a rehearsal. Figure out what you can and cannot reasonably do to nurture your own life and still be of some help to others.
Get them to buy in the help they need if it is too much for you. Are you enabling some members of your family to continue their destructive behaviour patterns by taking over their responsibilities?

patriciageegee I am so pleased you are going to try and arrange a meet up and hope you really hit it off!

vwaves I hope you will enjoy getting to know a friendly native and that this will be the start of happier times.

to both and I know curiosity killed the cat but I would love to know how things go!

patriciageegee, I private messaged you but I don't know if you know how to receive that. I think you can just click inbox! Hopefully we will make contact x

Time for your daughter and SIL to start putting the thumb screws on whatever post adoption support the agency/local authority have available. I appreciate this support is often crap, but ominous noises about disrupting the adoption can have some effect. They need additional help to cope, and it has to stop coming from you.

CFS is the American name for Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, the most exhausting disease known with relentless pain all over. Depression comes from people disbelieving and I can see your daughter, her family and you are going through a nightmare now. First, the more your daughter pushes herself the iller she will become, she must have help from somewhere to look after herself and keep the family together. You all need support, not from the psyches, from people who can give practical advice to cope with things now. It's unlikely the ME will be cured, it can get into a remission if she gets sufficient bed rest when she needs it. She needs a good doctor to ensure there are no other treatable illnesses lurking beneath her devastating symptoms. This illness affects whole families, it usually strikes suddenly and you also need as much help as you can get now . All best wishes

My daughter has kind of given up on trying to get better from CFS. She is not interested in group meetings which I suppose is fair enough and everyone suggests things to try which might help but she says nothing helps!!!!
Definitely does help if she is careful not to get overtired. I literally see her wilt. We went out with the kids this morning but by 1pm she needed her bed! I had the kids for the afternoon and she was okay again when I dropped them back but she will go to bed at 6 or 7. Not much of a life! It must be soul destroying. She has seen the Doctor a lot and had every test. She has been diagnosed with this a couple of years now.
I sort of wonder if she was happier if she would feel better and vice versa if she felt better she would be happier.
Not much I can do for the CFS.
Funnily enough I feel a lot better since posting and getting all the ideas and support! Thank you again.

Sometimes Vwaves it helps to write things down, even if you destroy the piece of paper afterwards. Plus it helps to vent on GN!
I hope your daughter gets help for her ME and starts to want to help herself as it’s a phsychological problem as well as physical and it’s a complex illness.