How often should you see Grandparents

You really need to put your foot down with her. Bear in mind it is HER that is being rude, not you.

Want baby back? Step in and take her. Mil says no? You’re mean? Tell her you will only ask one more time and if she refused she will NOT hold baby. In fact the next time you see her, wear baby in a carrier and do not take her out if her bad manners persist.

She shows up unannounced? Do not open the door and let her in. If you must go out to the porch and tell her now is not a good time; we will see you on x date.

Put her on do not disturb on your phone so her messages don’t ring

Your dh needs to have a stern conversation with her about her antics and he needs to tell her it stops today.

If she won’t listen, it is time to be the bigger b!tch.

I see mine twice a week. One of the visits is usually very fleeting - cup of tea, catch up, cuddles then gone. We all work and are super busy. However one of mine gets a bit extra time as I childmind one day a week. The second visits over the weekend are a bit longer, and approx once a month we all meet up at my house for Sunday lunch and make a day of it. I think you have a good balance. It is seems fair to me.

*Diktat Your dh needs to have a stern conversation with her about her antics and he needs to tell her it stops today.

If she won’t listen, it is time to be the bigger bitch.*

Much as I agree that this MIL is out of order in her behaviour I really can't agree that "being the bigger bitch" is helpful advice for the OP! Being "a bitch" never solves problems , just causes heartache for all concerned including the person trying to be the "bigger bitch!" None of this is conducive to finding a sensible solution because such behaviour just escalates the problems in the relationships!

Febmummaofaboy I do think there has been some good advice on this thread...only you can decide the way forward though. Your desire for family time and seeing others is entirely reasonable. Your MIls behaviour that you describe is unreasonable. I would say that you and your husband need to stand together on this, talk to her about what arrangements will be and when she takes no notice keep reminding her. Also, try to stop giving her unpleasantness so much attention! Comments on weight ..my MIL did the same - I just said "Oh, yes I have put on weight! Your point is?" ...listened to whatever came next and said "Right I have heard you" and changed the subject! I did the same with other comments like "I don't like this lasagne you have made " Me:" Oh well don't eat it then!" Comments on my bringing up of the children I said things like "Oh well, don't stay and watch if you find it diffcult !" or I listened and then said "I have heard you and I will think about it" and changed the subject. None of this was easy but my overall point is that I showed little interest in the nasty comments (not feeding whatever need in my MIL was making her say them!) . acknowledged whatever "advice" (criticism sometimes ) about my child rearing but made clear that in the end it was me/OH making the decisions. If your MIL is complaining about the number of visits I suggest saying "That is nice for your friend that her DIL has her round more but presumably their circumstances must be different to ours so their experiences are not relevant to us are they. Lets work out what we can manage and enjoy!!"
After considerable struggles I managed to develop a fairly reasonable relationship with my MIL but it took a long time and was far from easy., But she had a nice relationship with our kids in the end who were both quite fond of her and tolerated her foibles ...probably because as they grew we were very honest with them about building a relationship with their Nanny that was based on a mutual fondness and respect and not on her needs to manipulate people around her, given half a chance.

Do let us know how things are going

PS the first part of the above message is a quote from Diktat not me, but for some reason has not come out in bold!

Once a week is reasonable and some will feel really jealous as distance prevents regular visiting.
I do see all my DGC at least twice a week as I do some childcare for my DDs. If I was not doing this it would be once a week or maybe less as DDs are working f/t & kids are in school. Don't feel bad..but also do not make it too much of a routine. You could have a grandparent free week one week & see them twice the next. To much routine can become an expectation

Madgran. This mil is harassing the op and causing strife within op’s life and op’s husbands employment. She is becoming a nuisance, a hinderance to their happiness.

Op has been quite welcoming with the once a week visits; and despite her letting mil come over, she is being exposed to hurtful words about her weight.

The op has tried diplomacy. But there comes a point when diplomacy fails and thus point for the Op has arrived.

It is time to stop playing nice and time to start building a spine and standing up for yourself, your time and your family. If it means being blunt and hurting her feelings, so be it. They tried a peaceful approach and it has not worked at all.

Cutting back on visits and contact may be the wake up call that this mil needs.

diktat I acknowledged that the MIL is being unreasonable! However I don't agree that one has to be as unpleasant as you describe in order tone assertive about ones needs. Assertive is very far from "being the bigger bitch!"

diktat I acknowledged that the MIL is being unreasonable! However I don't agree that one has to be as unpleasant as you describe in order tone assertive about ones needs. Assertive is very far from "being the bigger bitch!"