Disinterested in grandchild

What a shame for both of you , even though you've been totally honest I find it very sad. I adored my grandparents they acted as a buffer between me and my parents . My father was in the Forces so we travelled a great deal . However, my mother decided to stay behind one year as she didn't care for the posting. My brother and I , and Mum of course , lived with my Grandparents for a year. It was the happiest of my difficult childhood . I now have two granddaughters and I love them intensely . We have lovely times together I couldn't imagine seeing them once a year !
Hopefully your granddaughter has grandparents on her father's side who will give her the love and good times she needs.

Very honest of you to admit this and I hope that by doing so and seeing some of the responses on here, you feel better about it. I adore my 2 baby grandsons but am so glad I don’t have to mind them very much!

Because my mum lived so far from her mum when my siblings and I were small she was keen to be a hands on grandmother. She looked after my DD1 when I returned to work, babysat when DH &I wanted to go out etc. Sadly she died young. I have offered and have been taken up by both my DDs for willing childcare to pay forward the benefits my mum offered me. But it suits me. It is not always possible nor does it suit all. Vive le difference!

My mother felt the same way about my children, her only GC. I suppose because her mother died in childbirth and she had an awful childhood then spent time in mental hospitals after my birth with severe PND, I suppose it affected her feelings about children. She developed a relationship with my eldest when she was fifteen and no longer a child in her eyes. I’m sure the OP will feel differently when hers are older. I’m the total opposite. A hands-on granny. I’ve loved it. I think my mother lost a lot of joy she could have had from her GC.

It is sad when GPs don't visit and interact with GC. I can't remember the last time my GC saw their other GPs, they are missing two beautiful children growing up.
My eldest GC is about to become a teenager and I love it that she asks to come and stay and is happy to sit and chat.

I agree with M0nica's comments and solutions.
You can't be other than as you are but you can try your best to conceal how you feel.
Do your best Good luck.

I have many grandchildren. The gc I have seen regularly and been welcomed I adore but the ones I haven’t. They come infrequently and the gc are strangers and I find them difficult. Then the Facebook jealousy comes in but when a baby arrives and the parents keep you at a distance a relationship doesn’t grow.

I think what I am saying the more you see your gc the more the love will come.

Same experience for me jenni123 in fact my maternal grandparents wouldn't even see me. Can't say I suffered because of this.
Twiceasnice that was a bit harsh given Paula was concerned about the way she feels.

I agree with most of the other posters...honest and brave.
I often wonder about the real motivations behind the grandmothers who post on here re the amount of childcare they do. Are they doing all this work because they genuinely enjoy it, or because they want to feel needed, or perhaps they are afraid of the consequences if they say no.
We have been there, done that and earned the tee-shirt many times over.

It is refreshing to hear such honesty Paula50.

I am not yet a Gran so I don't know how I'll feel if I ever become one but no-one can dictate how you should feel about your GCs and your own children.

On the other hand you may find it easier to build a relationship with your GC when she is older and you can chat.

Let things develop (or not) in their own time. Children know when adults are being "false" and that is worse.

Maccyt I can tell you why I moved 'up North' to look after DGS full time - I did it because I loved my DD and she wanted to go back to work almost as soon as he was born. I couldn't bear for my only (will not be another) DGS to go to full time nursery as I knew I would love him more than life, which I did the second I saw him. My DD was an 'only' as I am and was always a single parent. OTOH I completely agree that Paula has every right to feel differently and I'm sure a few others share her point of view. ?

My visits to grandparents were once a year for holidays by the sea and in the country. Loved them, they were kind, gentle and loving and I have inherited my love for gardening from my grandpa who spent hours in his walled garden explaining how things grow and picking fruit which he "bottled" for the winter. They always sent birthday and Christmas card and gifts.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You can't help the way you feel but I can't help wondering if you made the effort whether they would grow more on you.
I adore my grandkids but even I have enough of them sometimes!

Dear Paula 50, please don't feel bad. Be yourself, it's cool. I fear some of the doting GP's on here (of which I am one!) May have upset you, however unintentionally. It won't bother the kids. My grandma wasn't interested in is us, she worked full time until she was in her 70s, tiny and elegant. We didn't care. No hard feelings! X

Maccy I enjoy time with my DGC and have great fun, good conversations and plenty of laughter. Sometimes they are a pain in the neck but not often. It helps my DCs and I benefit too..so a win win for us. But it would not be for others!

Well said Paula, I never knew my g.parents and my mother made it perfectly clear her children were just a bloody nuisance, so although I have brilliant relationship with my children, I do not want to spend every living moment with g.children or live my life vicariously through the, which I find a lot of.g.parents do, pretending they are young mums again instead of following their own pursuits. Stay as you are, you are quite normal, some of us do not want smothering relationships with anyone, just want our own lives.

I think I might be like this - although I don’t have any grandchildren. My nieces and nephews have children, and when people at work bring their children in, yes, the babies are very cute, but no thanks I don’t want to hold them. I loved and liked my own two, but I’m not bothered with anyone else’s!

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it hopefully DG has other grandparents and relatives who are interested and no doubt as she grows her feelings towards you will be mutual however your husband does sound like he's missing out

I seem to remember my Nan wasn't one for children, but she and I spent a lot of time together, and I loved her to bits.
I automatically assumed she loved me just as much.
Either way, I have very fond memories of her.

Please don't be hard on yourself. There is absolutely no law saying you should be close and interested in your grandchildren. Of course the reverse is also true. No law says a grandchild should be interested and close to grandparents.

I was a full time working mum with 2 boys, staying at home with kids would have driven me crazy, hence I worked, I needed independence, I never rely on men, I still work & have amazing relationship with my granddaughter, she's 5, I have surprised myself mind considering I never had grandparents, have to say great handing her back but also adore her, probably as I never had daughter of my own aswell, it's completely up to any one of us how we are, there's nothing to worry about if its not your thing, we are all different, I do more with Izzy than I did with my own kids eek

I have 2 friends who were desperate to become mum's then hated it when they were and one struggled so much she walked away from her child and marriage. I did not feel this gushing mothers love when I had my child just a feeling that right this small thing is mine and I will get on with the job in hand. I love my child and they have become a loving caring adult. We had fun and cuddles growing up and did lots together but I was never the fluffy gushing mummy. Now have gc and good job I'm not that type because my dil is controlling and toxic and does everything she can to stop us seeing our gc. When we see them we make it fun and happy but I am not going to grieve this late on in my life for another child. @jam you say you can't understand people having children if they don't want them, well I didn't want children, got pregnant by accident but had my 1st and got on with giving them a good life. I worked and ran the home and sorted childcare and as I said my AC always says they had a fab childhood (2nd child was another hiccup) & are loving functioning adults but very different to each other. I think the op is refreshingly honest and fully entitled to feel how she feels and I can wholly relate.

I was not a maternal person and found my sons' babyhood very difficult. However, once they got older I started to feel more and more connection and I'm lucky to have a very close relationship with them both now. I would take a bullet for them!
However, I now have a grandchild and I have had the same issue with bonding. It will just take time ...
So you are definitely not the only one! Don't feel bad - be kind to yourself.

You are being so honest. I read messages on here from people who seem so spend their entire time looking after their grandchildren and run their lives around them. I don't. I have seven grandchildren and do love them but don't have an awful lot to do with them. And this suits me fine. I can also remember not enjoying my children all the time when they were little and getting relieved when they were older. I do look after mine occasionally but usually only in an emergency and sometimes wonder if I'm in the wrong. Especially when I read on here of the adoring grandmothers. But we are all different