Disinterested in grandchild

We are all different. I rarely saw any of my grandparents, maybe once or twice a year. I don't ever remember a personal conversation or any interest in me or my activities. Some people respond more to older children rather than little ones so things may change as your granddaughter gets older. Maybe. It's more important that the contact you do have is a good contact. Better a positive contact once or twice a year than a begrudging weekly or monthly contact.

Not wrong at all AlexG the emergency help must be such a weight off the minds of your family, we all do what we can and are comfortable with. My grandchildren are all grown up now and we are in contact all the time but not necessarily seeing each other all that often.

@ Greyduster - perhaps your SIL's stepmother never had a good relationship with your SIL and hence her not having a lot to do with grandchild. I don't have a good relationship with my stepsons and feel sure that when they have children I will be very wary of a relationship with them.
If you feel the relationship with the parent is poor then you tend to guard your heart I think.

It depends how the daughter and granddaughter feel about the situation. Maybe it suits them too! If so, then there is nothing to worry about.

I'm no Mother Earth either.I didn't enjoy my children when they were small,and luckily could escape to work.Not everyone loves small children.
I love my grandchildren in small doses.Luckily they live close by so I can do the small doses.
My own mum wasn't a bit maternal, I'm slightly better, and my daughter is amazingly maternal.
We all accepted the way we felt and got on with it, perhaps a northern trait. My mother and my daughter got on well despite there being no maternal feelings from my mum.They loved each other for who they were.
Don't feel bad.It is what it is.

I enjoyed bringing up my own 3 daughters they grew up into lovely young women who now have families of their own I am interested the grandchildren but have no desire to get involved in looking after them until they are older
My sister had 4 boys they were a nightmare as children, now they are in their 30s and 40s are still a nightmare, their aim in life is to drink as much as they can and treat women like dirt.
I don't feel in the slightest inadequate and nor should Paula

My mother was never interested in our children although this wasn't an issue for them as my parents lived a long way away. When we did visit no effort was made to entertain or relate to them, and because they were lively boys there was always the feeling that we were not bringing them up to be 'well-behaved'. My MIL on the other hand, was quite the opposite. My in laws also lived a long way away but when we did visit the boys were welcomed and behaved pretty well. We have 5 grandchildren who all live quite near us (one family in the same town) and it's so wonderful to be involved - everyone benefits! To some extent I think I go to the opposite extreme to how my parents were.

You have children because of hormonal surges, hanging on to words ‘once you have your own you will be overwhelmed with love for them’.....You don’t know how you will feel about your own until you have your own ....and if there is no bond....

Paula50 - your post resonated with me. I too lack interest in my 2 grandchildren. I love them but been there and done that and got the t-shirt as they say. Mine live an hour away and I see them about once every few weeks which suits me fine. I’m very happy for my ex and his wife to take the lead grand parenting role. They’re much better at it than me ? I love my own children with a passion and would kill for them. It might get better as they get older (they’re 5 and nearly 2) but I don’t feel a drive to get greatly involved in their lives. Do I feel guilty? Not at all. I love them and they know it. That’ll do for me ?

I do not' feel sorry' for Paula50, as one GN comments, but congratulate her for the courage to admit she does not have maternal feelings. The fact a woman/ man or both lacks the 'maternal' should not make them feel guilty or unusual .Is it expected of a person to want, or to have a child or children ?.Why then have a child.? Sad as it may seem it can amount to pressure from ones parents, When are you going to make them grandparents? that they enjoyed having children and expect their children to feel the same.? This does not do a child any favours.

I see my GC when i can but some live in nxt county,but i take some on hols when i can or have them stay,but their other grannies/nannas (ive 8 grandchilren,some sons kids some 2daughters kids) dont seem to bother much with them,they buy gifts at xmas ,birthdays and occasionally see them,but not anywhere near as much as me,but it doesnt go unnoticed by either the child nor their parents!!- dont get me wrong im happy to hand them back after a stay or holiday as im worn out- but the memories weve made are priceless! For us all! My own kids had a close relationship with my own late mum,but not much contact with dads parent side and i know they feel it keenly.please try make an effort all you grans as its better to be remembered fondly when we're gone,than as the grandparent who was never there.

I prefer to stay true to myself.
I would rather be remembered (or not!) for who I am, not who I can pretend to be.

What a shame for your grandchildren, to know that you don't visit, don't invite them to your place, don't interact with them at all.

I found motherhood (2 sons now in their 30s) extremely difficult, but I utterly adore spending time with my grandchildren.

This post made me feel so sad.

There are lots that make me sad, here too.
Seeing the misery that people go through: how they convince themselves that their grandchildren will starve to death if they don't pay the way for the parents.
People obsessed with how many hours the other grandparents spend with the grandchildren; people who feel like ending it all because they'll no longer be 'required' for babysitting.
We already have people worrying about Christmas!
We are all different. Not clones being churned out on a conveyer belt.

I agree with you MissAdventure. Everyone one is different and no one can say any of it is wrong. It's down to the individual person.

I don't think I felt an immediate rush of love for any of my children or grandchildren the minute they were born. It was something that grew as I got to know them. That's why I said on another thread that I would also love adopted children equally. It's through seeing them and caring for them that the love grows in my view.
None of which is any help to the OP. I don't think she should worry -as long as she is kind to her GD when she sees her and appears to be interested there is no problem. Perhaps she will gel more with her when the child is a teenager, when many of us find GC more difficult?!

Words fail me

Is there much point in posting just to say you can't find anything to say?

Would it be better to remove yourself from their lives altogether than for the child to feel a sense of rejection?

What is your relationship like with your own DC now? Is it equally as unfeeling?

However, perhaps if you just treat her with kindness and courtesy as you would any other person you may be able to form some kind of relationship; can you try to show an interest in her activities? If you enjoy cooking, for instance, can you get her involved in simple baking together?

What is your relationship with friends? Or do you find it difficult to form any relationships at all?

As long as you have things in your life that give you pleasure I don't think it should matter very much if you are not particularly maternal or grandmaternal (made up word!). As long as your family is well and happy and you see them when it suits all of you it isn't a problem. It only becomes a problem if one side wants more than the other can or is prepared to give.

Over 2 hours and 95 responses later, Paula is yet to return to her thread. I wonder why?

Why not?
If she has any sense, she's out and about enjoying herself.

Bathsheba

Remember there is a little person there with feelings, not just a child.