Gransnet forums


How often do you see local gc

(187 Posts)
Diktat Wed 12-Sep-18 19:37:04

Just wondering if you live close to your inlaws how often they saw/see your kids. Mine live 10 mins away and expect once a week but I’ve been able to push it to twice a month.

Katek Thu 13-Sep-18 09:55:09

GPs intruding on ‘family time’? Aren’t GPs family too?

Telly Thu 13-Sep-18 10:03:22

Once a week when they were younger, then as others have said, less as they got older. Now some in their teens, perhaps once a month when we go out for lunch or something.

Smileless2012 Thu 13-Sep-18 11:18:10

Sadly in some families GP's appear to be second rate family Katek or not family at all which is why some get cut out all togethersad.

Cold Thu 13-Sep-18 11:35:37

I think everything depends on individual circumstances

- frequency says nothing about the length of time involved so it could be a whole day or a 30 minute pop-in
- It doesn't say anything about the other family commitments the family has to fit into spare time - other GPs, siblings, aunts and uncles etc and whether they are also local
- the age of the children may influence as well - friends, parties, sports teams, music lessons etc
- whether the parents work or not may be important

So it really is a how long is a piece of string

M0nica Thu 13-Sep-18 12:33:14

Another of those OPs who likes to start a thread and then either is easily bored or lacks the nerve to post again.

Diktat Thu 13-Sep-18 13:04:01

Wow Monica. You’re rude.

We sometimes see my husband’s parents multiple times a month if there are holidays and birthdays so that’s fine with me. If there are no holidays, then twice a month works for me.

But mil often texts asking to come over when dh isn’t home and that isn’t fine with me due to comments she makes or guilt trips. Husband must be present to handle those issues when they arise.

luluaugust Thu 13-Sep-18 13:23:04

Will be seeing two who are nearby today because of unexpected school pick up but otherwise, now they are all bigger and all the parents are at work, twice a month or so sounds reasonable - however soon it will be half term thats a different story.

Doodle Thu 13-Sep-18 20:26:45

Diktat how often do your parents see your children?
If your children are of a young age then grandparents like to see them more often as they change so quickly.

Please remember that at one time your husband was their child and probably loved him like you do your own children. Just think for a minute how you would feel in later years if your children's partners wanted to put you off seeing your children and grandchildren.

Jalima1108 Thu 13-Sep-18 21:27:01

I wouldn't have thought of you as a shrinking violet, Diktat, that you need your husband for a buffer between you and your MIL.

Are you not able to deal with her firmly but pleasantly if she is a bit 'difficult'?

annep Thu 13-Sep-18 21:35:42

Son lives 45 minutes away. Rarely see him or 2 granddaughters or DiL. Very sad but cant force them. Only see them when I offer to take them out for dinner. I have a lovely home but they never come for a meal. Always wriggle out of it when I ask. Other 2 children live in England. sad
OP is lucky. Doesn't realise.

Diktat Fri 14-Sep-18 00:18:04

Doodle. Before I had baby, I saw my parents maybe twice a month, more with birthdays, holidays etc. I’m on leave for 15 months so I see them more as they come over to watch baby while I do chores / they help with chores, we go swim at their pool, grocery shop together. It will go back to the regular pattern once I’m back at work.

Jalima. If someone is rude to me, I will turn into a bitch against them. So the best way to handle mils rudeness (guilting, inappropriate remarks) is to have husband present so I don’t say what I really think and end up with her crying that I’m so mean.

Chewbacca Fri 14-Sep-18 06:18:30

Diktat from what you've said in your latest post you see your own parents on a fairly regular basis and have a good relationship with them. They don't overstay their welcome; they have a swimming pool for you to enjoy and you like having them around your child. It's just your mother in law you don't get on with; have to set strict boundaries on and make cry with your meanness.

Of course it is dear! grin We understand completely. grin
The more information you're giving, the more I'm remembering from your earlier posts gringringrin

BlueBelle Fri 14-Sep-18 06:39:50

Diktat you come across as very abrasive
There seems a ‘few’ American Mums writing on here about their awful mother in laws that they can’t be alone with
Both your problem and the way you write sounds very familiar
Having read your very very rude and nasty post that was deleted on another thread recently I feel sympathy for your mother in law

annep Fri 14-Sep-18 08:53:38

I so envy the folk here who see their children/ grandchildren regularly. When I bought my house postdivorce I made sure it had enough bedrooms for family to stay. In ten years I had my gc from England with my son once! I am so good to my family but nobody comes. Even the ones who live close. I do visit but I would love them to want to come to me.. (Sorry I'm stealing the OPs thread really)

LadyGracie Fri 14-Sep-18 08:59:21

We have our precious and on GC on a Tuesday and Wednesday from 7.30am and 4.30pm and very occasionally a couple of hours at the weekend. We waited a long time for her, a miracle child, so we love every minute, she’s 20 months and a whirling dervish smile

LadyGracie Fri 14-Sep-18 08:59:48

Only granschild

LadyGracie Fri 14-Sep-18 09:00:03

Give up

paddyann Fri 14-Sep-18 09:57:20

Diktat you need to put your dislike to one side,she's your OH's mother and your Childs GM .If you cant stand her then find things to keep you busy while your husbands FAMILY spends time together.

Jalima1108 Fri 14-Sep-18 10:00:42

Jalima. If someone is rude to me, I will turn into a bitch against them. So the best way to handle mils rudeness (guilting, inappropriate remarks) is to have husband present so I don’t say what I really think and end up with her crying that I’m so mean.
Diktat What a pity that you have managed to get to your age and become a mother too without learning any self-control.

Doodle Fri 14-Sep-18 11:37:59

So Diktat you manage to push your in-laws visits with their grandchild to twice a month but are happy for your own parents to see their grandchild when they come over and help with chores look after your baby and go swimming and shopping together.

I would urge you to try harder to overcome your animosity to your in-laws even if (as you see it) it is their fault you feel this way. You are depriving them of the joy of being with their grandchild more often and seeing that child grow and develop. Please try and be more kind to them whatever your feelings, grandchildren are so prescious to us all.

How would you feel in later life if your child's partner restricted so severely your access to any of your grandchildren they may have. Don't bother replying that you would not behave towards them as your in-laws do to you. It may not matter. Your child's partner may just not like you and not want to see you and may treat you just like you treat your in-laws.

evianers Fri 14-Sep-18 14:07:39

We live in France [obviously]! and our DGC live in Hertfordshire. Because of "distancing" by our DIL, we are lucky if we see them once per annum. Enjoy at least living in the same country.

Emelle Fri 14-Sep-18 14:29:08

I agree with you, Paddyann but it is not the easiest state of affairs. I have never seen eye to eye with my MiL but realised as you said she was OH mother and DCs grandmother so there was no point falling out with her. Equally I expect to be treated courteously as OH wife and DC mother. As that as never happened, in the last 40 years, some time ago I decided to have as little contact with her as possible so OH visits on his own and she visits us at Christmas. It's not something I am happy about but such a difficult situation to resolve.

Speldnan Fri 14-Sep-18 14:43:42

I see my U.K. Gchildren at least once a week, sometimes more and have done since the first one was born. I love it, I’m like a second mother to them and look after them occasionally while parents go out. They live 25 miles away but it’s worth the travelling. I consider it a privilege to be part of their lives, especially as my other 2 GDs live in NZ and I never see them.

HurdyGurdy Fri 14-Sep-18 14:55:42

On the days that my daughter, and not the childminder, takes my granddaughter to school, they go past my office, and I am required to give her a wave as she goes past. So I "see" het two or three times a week.

Depending on my daughter's work shifts, I either collect granddaughter from school or from the childminder two or three times a week, and keep her either at our house or at their flat until my daughter has finished work.

Before my daughter started working in April this year, we saw them one day every weekend, and usually one evening in the week for dinner.

lizzypopbottle Fri 14-Sep-18 14:57:06

When our kids were small, one weekend we were out and about and were passing my husband's parents' house so we called in for a cup of tea. By coincidence, the same thing happened the following weekend. On the third weekend we didn't go out. Soon there came a gentle prod, 'Where were you on Saturday? We had the kettle on!' We vowed (in perfect agreement) never to give them cause for such expectations again!

OP I can easily see how an expectation of seeing grandchildren once a week, every week, could be rather restricting!