How often do you see local gc

Just re read posts and realised I misunderstood the original post ie it’s the mum talking . I’m sure I’m lucky that my DD has included me in her children’s lives right from the start. However she does ‘use’ me for child care and to help her sort out the house/ do housework which I’m totally fine with. I keep away if I know she’s busy in the school hols with friends etc and hope she would tell me if she really didn’t want me to come. But then I’m her mother and she doesn’t have in laws only aunt in laws so not sure how she’d be with them.

About 30 miles.
Every week & they stay weekends with us lot as their parents have a good social life.
Welove to have them& they love coming.
ENCOURAGE a good relationship with GP. We are very useful,!

Doodle. Of course I enjoy those things - I enjoy spending time with my parents. They don’t guilt or manipulate. They don’t cry when things don’t go their way. They behave much differently than my mil.

This is my maternity leave and I am of the opinion that I will spend it how I choose. I choose to spend time with my parents. I do not choose to do the same with my inlaws.

We see them for 2-3 hours twice a month when my husband is available.

This is certainly a difficult one. I suspect that, when a ‘push back’ is being suggested, the grandparent feels they are/have been taken advantage of ... In order to avoid resentment, don’t offer what you aren’t willing to do gladly and try to remember that, in the 0-7 years stage, you’re fortunate to be building a bond that will last a lifetime.

I see all my 4 DGC x 2 weekly as I look after them after school. Sometimes I see them over the weekend too..all depends what's happening, or bump into them in town or the park.
I do not find it a bind and know that all too soon they will not need looking after and the frequency will reduce as they become more independent and have activities that are far more exciting than I can provide!

If I want to go away I give my DDs plenty of notice to make an alternative arrangement and that's all OK. Occasionally DD1 need to be away overnight for work & if her DH is on call /duty then I have her 2 overnight.

DH & I manage a very busy social life, p/t work and the 2 afterschool sessions with DGC. Being busy keeps us lively and alert (as well as occasionally knackered!)

I have done the same speldnan re the OP!

As a mum my DH and I took our kids to see both sets of grandparents most weekends or they came to us for lunch or tea. It was never a strict routine so if we, or they, had an invite out somewhere we did not go. Nobody got pixxed off! We respected each other, enjoyed the relationship and valued the role our children had with their grandparents.
I have two DD but I would be upset if they were offish with in-laws! My co-grannys should have as much opportunity to be a grandparent as I have. As it happens one does not want to but the other does. How nice for kids to have lots of loving adults to take an interest in them. I get it is "your" mat leave but really it does make you sound a bit selfish!

About once a week, sometimes twice. I pick the oldest one up from school once a week, and often babysit her baby brother a few hours a week. I would be interested to hear why the OP is so mean to her in laws.

are you in the US Diktat? Just your use of language and the fact your MIL has a pool.
It's another country...they do things differently there.

if you are in the UK, it depends on circumstances how often you would wish to see PIL, once a week is not unreasonable if they live close to you.They may be happy with once a fortnight.You have to be able to talk to our MIL on your own though, I mean what is she like, Cruella De Ville?

2-3 hours twice a month is a lot compared to how often I saw my grandparents growing up. We didn't live local. Mum's parents lived 2 hours' drive away and we saw them every month or two. Dad's parents lived 6 hours' drive away and we saw them two or three times a year.

If MIL is going to be a pain, it's not unreasonable for Diktat to decide that she doesn't want to see her alone. My FIL certainly would never be allowed over to our house alone (actually he isn't allowed in our house at all; Hubby is backing me up on this 100%).

It's none of MIL's business how often Diktat's parents see the GC. "Fairsies" often ends up becoming a problem.

Frankly, if MIL is going to be putting on guilt trips and snide remarks in front of the kids, maybe MIL is someone the kids don't need to see. Just because she's family doesn't mean that she has an excuse for poor behaviour. Diktat also doesn't need to be disrespected in her own home.

We see mine once a week, if we are ill it doesn't matter as, as MIL says we can be ill at hers the same as we can be ill at home. Me and husband have decided not to have more children becuase of it and are both unhappy with the situation! We have 4 sets of parents and grandparents left if you add them up and she is the only one who insists on weekly visits, which ironically has led to her being the only one we don't look forward to and only one my son doesn't like spending time with! MIL spends visits complaining she doesn't have more time and forcing 100 pictures rather than playing as well as never giving him back when he's crying and lunging for us

Febmum. You let mils actions dictate how many kids you’ll have!?!? I feel sorry for you. Stand up for yourself and your family by saying no to her.

Me and husband have decided not to have more children becuase of it and are both unhappy with the situation

You cannot be serious?
There are many reasons for not having more children but this has to be the daftest ever.
Are you adults or children?
How does she force you to do something you clearly don’t want to?
Time you donned your big girl pants and made the decisions for your own family.

My DD has sometimes expressed that she finds the aunt in law’s visits tiring as she doesn’t really help much and expects my DD to wait onher etc but she respects the relative’s right to visit the children and would never make her feel unwelcome or unwanted. I suppose it depends on your personality as to how you deal with these things.

and yet.... you are not standing up to your own MIL Diktat by refusing to see her on her own, are you?

Lemongrove. That’s a pretty dumb comment. You’re telling me to spend time with someone I don’t like just to stand up to them? How about I just not do that and only see them when obligated to do so? Why would I want to spend MORE time with mil to prove a point? What a silly thought process.

ah, so you are in the US.
When you are with your MIL [on your own!] tell her how you feel in a diplomatic firm way, it's no good you telling other posters to grow a pair if you can't even see the woman without husband to back you up.Geddit?

I don’t plan on doing anything that would cause me to spend more time with her. Sorry! I like things the way they are with limited visits. Mil will never change and has only gotten worse since gmil passed away in June

doesn't everyone go for therapy over there?

Perhaps how to deal with toxic in-laws - for you both - could be a first step

MIL and DIL I mean.
A bit like Marriage Guidance but In-Law Guidance

When we haven't gone round she calls us both and when we don't pick up or say we are busy she calls husband's work, she comes round and let's herself in, we took key off her and she took spare key off neighbour. She cries and has at times lay in bed refusing to eat until we agree to visit. I can't describe, it isnt just what I've written, it's so much more, there's no way out and once a week is easier than the alternative. In terms of another child, we can't do the newborn weeks again as they were the worst of our lives becuase of her... To revealing to discuss but just know we cannot repeat them!

My DILs are the very best mums for our DGC. They are also the best DILs to me and my DH. I now realise how lucky we are!

Diktat we've been round and round and round and round with this with you and niether you, nor us, are any further forward. Your last posts were on exactly the same subject; you posted exactly the same details of your "problems"; you got exactly the same advice and responses, what is it you're looking for exactly? So far we know :

Your own parents aware wonderful
Your own parents have a swimming pool
Your own parents are excellent grandparents
Your own parents have unlimited access to you "lo".
Your mother in law is horrible.
Your mother in law overstep the boundaries you set.
Your mother in law is so unpleasant that you have to have the guardianship of your OH
You don't want you or your "lo" to have anything to do with your mother in law, if at all possible.

So, where does that leave us? What progress have you made since you last presented us with the same set of "problems" as this time? What is it that you want to hear? Please tell us and put us all out of this misery.

Well chewbacca, if you can read you’d see I asked how often people saw their grandkids.

Honestly fermium, why not just change the locks and don’t give anybody else any keys.

If she lays in bed and cries and won’t eat that’s up to her. No reason you should get involved in that.

Answer the phone when you want. Husband can tell work not to put her through.

Take control. Be a grownup.

But don’t whinge and say she’s the reason you can’t have another baby.

Sorry but I find it a bit difficult when people seem to want the problem rather than the solution.

That’s to febmum