How often do you see local gc

Diktat is just using this again as a platform to vent her dislike of her MIL. She isn't at all interested in how often any of us get to see or visit our GC. She just wants to tell us how much she dislikes her mother in law over and over and over again. And in a few weeks, she'll post again with the same theme........ yawn

If you don't like her, don't go.
Let your husband take the baby for a few hours.
Sit down and put your foot up.

If you don't trust your husband with his own child it's not your mother in law that's the problem.

Our eldest Grandson lives alot of miles away so we see him twice a year in the holidays: Easter and summer for about a week each time. His Mom and our second son don't live together. Our second lad is at home.

We have our other Grandson who lives local. We have him once a week to sit as both parents work so we do our part in the childcare duties.

They all come down for lunch about once a month on a weekend.

Our second Grandson is by our eldest son and DiL. I speak to our eldest son once or twice a week and when he comes down to drop our Grandson off and pick him up.

Young people have so much to do today I think that is fair enough. Ours are all are very good to us

My ex in-laws lived in Australia so we only saw them 4 times in 39 years.
My father died when I was 17 so obvs never saw my children and mum lived 220 miles away so possibly every couple of months or less, depending on our plans. She died before Facetime and Skype became the norm.
My own GC and GGC live at some distance, three overseas, Dubai, NZ and America, so it's usually via social media.

My three-year-old grandson has two full "Granna days" a week. The next two oldest (six and ten) come here three days a week for breakfast and after school, plus the youngest after pre-school on Mondays. Sometimes the 11-year-old comes here after school and, occasionally, the 13-year-old. I have even seen the 16-year-old in passing. We also have family lunches/barbecues/events, such as Gramps' birthday next Sunday – that one is chez nous, but others, such as recent Fathers' Day at absentdaughter's.

I see my older DGC 2-3-4-5 times a week depending on my DDiL’s shifts . I do most of the school runs and several overnights. I also take my holidays from work to fit in with school holidays so sometimes have them for entire weeks. I see the baby 3 or 4 times a week (sometimes more) as my DD lives not far from my place of work . They all think of my home as their own.

agnurse
"That's a rather naive statement. In Hubby's case, for example, he grew up well DESPITE his father's actions.
Young children should NEVER be left alone with someone the parents don't trust. EVER."

Yes, but the OP isn't saying that she and her husband don't want the paternal grandparents seeing the children. Only that she doesn't want to.

So presumably her husband has no issues with his parents seeing his children.

HurdyGurdy

Then the question becomes, is MIL a safe person to have around children and is OP's husband prepared to support his wife?

If MIL is prepared to push guilt trips on people in front of the kids, she may not be safe. OP hasn't said as much, but if she's prepared to go against the parents' rules she's certainly not safe. If she starts talking smack about OP in front of the kids, she's not safe.

Look, for a quiet life, if there’s not some safety issue over the H taking the wee one a visit over there, it’s fine to just let them go and duck out of the visits yourself.

Does it feel good to feel unwanted? No, and it still gives me a twinge when I pack them off every other Sunday and I’m left at home like the giblets off the Christmas turkey.

But does it make my life easier to navigate? On the whole, yes. MIL might not be able to stand me but she shows interest in her grandkids, so no harm is coming to them. Whatever relationship they grow with her, as long as she’s not harming them, is something for them to develop independent of my heavy baggage.

I knew she hated me and I married her son anyway. Maybe that was a bad call. I don’t know. But we are where we are and I try to make the best of it. It’s not like this is the most important thing in my life.

agnurse, most of us are commenting based on the (very few) facts we've been given. I don't know what pushing guilt trips or talking smack actually mean, but your judging that the OP's MIL is unsafe around children based on....well, nothing really....is a bit of a leap.

Your post doesn’t make sense Agnurse, it’s all presumed ‘talking smacks’ where’s that come from My own interpretation is that if Diktats mother in law was Mother Teresa herself she would still be denied the grandkids because Diktak doesnt like her and has no intention of ever making a relationship with her, full stop

talking smack

Who,apart from agnurse has mentioned smacking? Like you Maggie, I'm also . Why do posters invent their own scenarios that have never been mentioned in an OP? It's like Chinese whispers.

Ha. I looked up talking smack.

It means to rubbish another person apparently.

Agnurse. You are correct - mil is a guilt tripper and manipulator. I know in the future she will try to bypass me and invite my child to her house for sleepovers and for weekend outings; she fancies herself as a third parent type role

Muffin - I don’t know if this is correct... but did I read a post from you where your mil ruined your birth experience? How’s that relationship turning out for you?

Muffin just don't go there!

Diktat you are still here then! Just ignoring some questions being asked about why you posted or what you hoped to gain/learn from your post! I am sorry that your MIL is as you describe. It is clear you have a clear strategy to deal with that that suits you! So why did you post?

During school holidays everyday during term time 5-6 times a week. 1st G/S is autistic and we like to give D/D a break when times get difficult, and then we have the wee one about 3-4 times a week after school. I love it when they come in and the first thing is a hug for nana Jaci. I know this makes me very lucky to have this relationship with the boys and know as they get older it will change but I will enjoy it while I can.

My daughter sees my parents nearly weekly. We spend most weekends with them.

As for my MIL, once a month if that (our doing). The reason is she doesn't respect us as parents and myself and her son (my husband) have both just had enough of being ignored.

Grandparents seem to think that they have some right to see their grandchildren as much as they did their own children growing up and it's just not true!

I'm so glad my SIL is pregnant finally as it means she may leave us alone a little. MIL that is, not SIL

Dil17. I like you. A lot. ?

Once a month is all I can stomach of my mil too. And that’s being generous.

Generous? You are setting an example to your children about how to treat grandparents. You may be a grandparent one day.

I don't agree with using children as some sort of prize for 'good behaviour'.

A whole thread just to say the same thing Diktat?

Does it make you feel better?

What ever is the point of threads like this? If you have emotional or psychological problems within your family, accept that and either move on or get professional help.
Attempting to use and exploit children as some kind of means of asserting control over other people isn't acceptable behaviour.

It sounds very controlling. Not healthy for anyone including the kids being "used" by a parent. If you don't like your MiL that is fine but don't pass it on to your kids. Let them decide as they grow up if they do or don't want a realtionship with their grandmother.

PECS. I won’t let my kids be subjected to the same guilt trips that mil puts her own children through. She uses guilt all the time. To the point where my husband questions whether or not he was a good grandson to mils mother ( and he WAS! We called and took her for trips, often on our own and sometimes after one of her guilt laced calls). He was a good grandson and her constantly in his ear about gmil makes him question in after she recently passed. That is an awful thing to do.