Feeling Used and Abused

She said you never do anything for her. Did you ask what she means. Perhaps popping in for lunch or a chat is not what she needs right now. And what did happen at Christmas.
Another person suggested it was something to do with the mother in which case maybe its an issue your husband could ckarify.

excuse typos.

I am the mum of 6 and grandmother if one little boy who is nearly two. My relationship with his parents has been rocky but with a lot of work things are calm. Mainly because I don't ever express any options about parenting or my experience as it is shot down or sneered at. Things are different it's her child I know that. I would love be to be able to have him but arrangements never get carried through always reasons consequently when I do see him he puts his down and says he is shy then we have excruciating game of others trying to cajole him to let me go near him. Frankly I can't play this game. It's awful for all concerned and I no longer want to play. He is a lovely lad but I don't love him I don't know him. He is not allowed to know me. He has lots of contact with wider family and I'm pleased I've been surrounded by children all my life and look after a friends child since eight months. If I ask my daughter why she says he is precious to her well obviously I'm not going to let anything happen if I can help it. My youngest child died in an accident at 21 months and I have a feeling this is at the root of it all. It's a conversation I can't have. I wish things were different.

That's so sad Moomin. I do feel for you. I am not close to my 7 gc. not my fault either. They can't chat to me when we do meet, there's no closeness at all. Unlike the other granny.. I've accepted it but it's always a bit sad. I just get on with my own life. At least I never had to grumble about too much childminding ?

Feel for you Moomin

Moomin

Sorry didn't mean to detract from what you pisted Moomin. It was just to let you know you're not alone in having to cope with not seeing gc. Sometimes it helps.

That’s so sad Moomin for you and your grandson ?❤️

She sounds depressed and insecure. I would be inclined to enthusiastically accept the chance to babysit. Be careful not to criticise in any way. She needs to know she is loved and accepted even when she may not like herself very much, though of course do not suggest that last part to her.
This is not about you or your husband, even though it feels very much as if it is. The girl is unhappy and using whatever means she can to make other people feel unhappy too. She is unwell. This is hard to do but bite you tongues, be laid back and welcoming and let her know that you are always there for her. I would say that it might be unwise to just turn up without warning or invitation. At the very least make a phone call a couple of hours in advance so that she can be prepared and tidy up if she needs to. Good luck, hopefully time, patience and unconditional love will create the solution you want.

Thanks Kwest I'm inclined to agree with - unfortunately she has severed all lines of communication ?

NanaPlenty, please try to keep in contact. This happened to me until I was gradually eased completely out of her life, I tried everything and put up with anything to stay in contact. Whatever I could have done I did, but she wanted me out. I didn't see my gd for that many years when I did she's was grown and I had missed her growing up. In my heart I can never get over it, no expansion, no apology. It was her friends that I think became her new family. Mine is unusual I think because she lives a privileged life that I don't fit into. The longer you get to see your gc and build a connection the better although you will have to swallow your pride. For me I should have accepted the situation and I became depressed trying to make sense and alter something I couldn't.

Don’t go crawling. Just send her a bunch of flowers and say ‘we are here if you need us’. Leave it at that and wait.

If she’s not going to let you into her life all the cajoling will make no difference.

Hormones!