My daughter gave birth to her 1st child, a girl, 2 weeks ago. Her partner’s mother seems to think it is unfair if I see more of dgd than she does! I went in to sit and support my dd whilst her partner went home for a shower and change of clothing after the birth (2 day labour). Her partner’s mother on finding I had spent 3 hours with dd and dgd decided that she would stay 3 hours as well, and spend most of that time cuddling dgd, which annoyed my dd as she was exhausted and really just wanted to spend time with her partner and their dd. I also stayed that night, again to support dd, so her partner could go home and get some sleep, which mil was unhappy about! I stayed to help my dd, spending time with dgd was incidental. The only time I had my dgd was to change her nappy, wind her and pass her between cot and bed as dd was still very sore! I also went into the neonatal ward, to sit with dgd, for a few hours so dd and her partner had a break.
Since they got home, I have made them their evening meal, again which partners dm (according to dd) wasn’t happy with, but she hasn’t offered any help! She doesn’t seem to realise that it is the parents, not dgd, I am helping. I have said to them that I’m happy for them to eat and run, which they do.
When dd’s partner returns to work next week, I have offered to help my dd, so she can get a rest etc, if she has a bad night, which again I know will annoy the other grandmother. The thing is that I will only be there to help, whereas other gm comes to visit, with what that entails and causes extra work (making coffee, sandwiches etc.) for dd.
So yes op, YABVVU. Stop being jealous, just make it clear that you are there if they need you. Make sure when you visit that you are happy to be hands on, whether it is washing the dishes, hanging washing out or helping with the baby. Don’t just go to sit and do nothing except hold the baby, my mil was like that (including lifting baby out of pram to wake them up as soon as my back was turned, when I had just got them down to sleep) and I really resented her.
If you make it clear you are there to help, you should get on fine!