Should we ignore it

Congratulations to your DD, and how lucky she is to have such a sensible and non-critical mum by her side. As someone who recently lost 3 st over two years at the age of 66 I know how hard it is, and if anyone had nagged me about it they'd have got short shrift. Your MIL needs to know that her remarks/enquiries are not acceptable and should be mature enough to understand why.

Good luck to you all.

I'd go easy on the encouragement to be honest. A simple, "well done" if she reports a weight loss should be enough. I know from personal experience how well meaning encouragement can cause weight loss to spiral out of control. You become hungry for affirmation and start cutting down on syns, then cutting out syns, then eating only speed foods until, before you know it, you're simply on the verge of another, different, eating disorder.
Doesn't happen for all or even most, I know, but please be aware that it can happen. As long as your daughter is happy in herself and her weight isn't preventing her undertaking activities she needs or wants to then I'd ignore all comments about weight from every quarter.
When I went to SW they gave me a target weight a stone and a half lower than I had been throughout my 20s before I had children. A stone and a half lower than the weight that had seen me a comfortable size 10. At 5'9" and well over 50 I wouldn't ever want to be a size 10 now let alone anything smaller! Thank God my DD shook some sense into me before I went too far down the path.

For God's sake the lady has had children and is doing her best. How dare people equate being " slim" to being successful? Have we not moved on from this nonsense? Is her partner enjoying hearty meals?

The old bag needs putting firmly in her place.

Congratulations to dd on the new baby and the weight loss!

So sorry about mil's behavior/obsession with weight. Since she struggles with weight, herself, over the years, she may really think she's being helpful/ that her experience can help. Maybe she thinks someone should have pushed her to lose weight earlier in life. Who knows?

But dh has let her know her comments are hurtful and still she continues. So, imo, she's not totally innocent here. Perhaps she's taking out on dd what some people said to her when she was younger and heavier. Again, hard to know.

What I'm wondering, though, is why does dd continue to visit her once a week and talk to her on the phone, as well? Why subject herself to this rude behavior? I agree with those who say dd needs to take a break from her gm for a while. Or if she does talk to her, keep the conversation short, and end it as soon as mil brings up the topic of weight.

But as pps (previous posters) have said, dd is an adult, so only she can decide what to do.

Oh, I see it's "every few weeks," not "once a week." But still, I think dd may have to stop the visits for a while. If mil asks why she hasn't seen her, she can be told.

"My daughter did say to her grandmother that she was happy with herself. But she doesn’t seem to ever stop."

Love dd's comment, but maybe it's not strong enough. And perhaps hearing the truth from dh/her ds/dd's dad wasn't enough. Maybe she needs to be told firmly by dd. "GM, I don't appreciate anyone making comments on my weight, and it needs to stop." Especially if dd would like to continue those visits and phone calls.

But again, she'll have to come to that herself. You can suggest these things, but, in the end, imo, it's up to dd.

Eflantine - LOVE it!

Bradsford - Great post!

Some people have no idea how hurtful their comments are yet are self- delusional about their own physical or mental flaws. I had a friend who was and is clinically obese, yet always bragging about going swimming 3 times a week and how much she pays her personal trainer. She once told me in a scornful voice," I don't know why you are so keen on taking baths, I prefer a shower myself." Before I could think I replied, "That's because you can't get out of the bath." That shut her up, as she manipulates everyone into colluding with her world view all the time and generally people are too polite to do what I did, although I feel bad about it.

How dare people equate being " slim" to being successful?
The old bag needs putting firmly in her place.

Perhaps the old bag is worried about her darling granddaughter developing diabetes or other health problems?
Having a baby is really no excuse for putting on 5 stones in weight, and well done her for doing something about it. Probably granny thinks she is encouraging her on her weight loss journey.

Thank you all for your help and advice ?
I think, going back to when my dh went to his mothers to tell her on 2 or 3 occasions that this advice and help upsets our dd,so why does it continue?
In all honestly I think my dd is frightened of telling her outright to please stop.
I think it’s right to congratulate her on losing weight and if dd wanted advice she’d ask gm for it, which she hasn’t. I don’t think it will ever stop tbh

When I say frightened, I mean frightened of upsetting her gm, i have had a conversation with my dd about this, she says she doesn’t want any sort of confrontation with her gm, as many of you have said, my dd is an adult and it needs to come from her, but as her mother I can’t help feeling protective and upset over how it makes my dd feel

Your DD must tell her, herself, very nicely but firmly. I must say that one of my DD and her granny were always clashing - but adored one another.

Is your MIL getting forgetful?

Thank you for your message, No, she’s not forgetful

Just repetitive!

She is being rude and very hurtful. If anyone did that to my daughter they would get the sharp end of my tongue. Stop it from happening now.

It is hard to loose weight and even harder to keep it off. In SW you choose your own target. I lost 3 stone but did it in steps of a stone at time. It helped me feel in control and not get disheartened.

No doubt unasked for " advice" from others is so soul destroying. You know what you are without anyone telling you.

Good luck and perhaps the graph on the website would be insensitive.