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Grandparenting

Looking for a Nanny to love my 3 beautiful amazing children

(31 Posts)
MissingaNan Sat 16-Nov-19 23:17:14

Hi all,

Don’t know really where to start but here goes ...

I lost my amazing Mum 3 Years ago she really was an amazing person, one of a kind & really as she was as perfect as you can get.

I have three beautiful amazing kids who she adored & they adored her. We all terribly miss her. My eldest 2 are having counselling to help with their heart healing.

On to my Husband’s parents. Well they washed their hands with us, when we had just one child who was only 5 Months old & I was pregnant with my second.

My Husband left the army on medical grounds as he’s mental health was badly effected. His parents said he was a failure & a let down to them. Being as their from a military background, to leave the army in their family for any reason was a big no no.

I helped my Husband heal & he is an amazing hard working Dad.

When we lost my Mum my eldest two kept asking why all their friends had 2 Nanny’s & 2 Grandad’s. We explained that we had lost contact with their other Grandparents & would try our best to contact them. I sent them a really nice E-mail, much to my disgust after the way they previously treated my Husband, baby & unborn baby by just washing their hands with us. But I suppose wanting to give them a second chance & believe people can change. I put my own feelings a side & decided for my kids, I would try to give them back what they was missing, regardless of the pain it would cause me. After sending my E-mail asking how they were. Explaining we now have 3 amazing kids, 2 of which they had never met & asking if they would be happy to put the past in the past & get to know them, as the kids were desperate to meet them. They refused this, continuing with their evil ways. A while passed still with my kids asking about them. I decided yet again to try. This time it was successful. I hated every moment of meeting up with them every Weekend. Them making my children happy & laugh. When they’d be so evil in the past & my amazing Mum couldn’t do this. But seeing my children happy was the most important thing. So a Year passed with them being ok. My kids gained a bond. Things started to go wrong. They told us they was moving away in 3 Years. They told my eldest sensitive boy who’s only 7. If one of them was the die the other would kill theirselves. This was just a few of the terrible things they done. They don’t speak to their own Daughter who herself has 5 children, all who have nothing to do with them. Well the Sister decided to try rebuild with them too. This caused a problem some how for us as again the Mum turned really evil. She requested a break from us, which we gave her 2 Weeks infact. After the 2 Weeks of no contact. My children were asking questions, I just didn’t have the answers too. I decided to text her to see how she was & to see where we was going from here. No response. I had to break the news to my kids, we wouldn’t be seeing them again. I spend so much time & effort on my kids making them see how amazing they are. To have two people come into their life’s & destroy all the hard work I do. My Daughter who’s only 6 is heartbroken. My eldest boy who’s 7 hasn’t really said much & my 4 Year old Son doesn’t really understand. My Daughter asks me every-day since if we’re so amazing Mummy, why doesn’t our Nanny & Grandad love us enough to want to see us any-more. It breaks my heart. As if loosing their amazing Nan wasn’t enough, but now I have let two monsters into their life’s to cause nothing but pain.

So thanks for reading this long story, just really needed the rant & to make you understand how important this post is.

My Daughter is pleading with me to adopt her a Nan. All she wants is the love & cuddles. Not after any-one’s money, no gifts ever needed. Just some-ones time & love.

We’re from Kent, England. Would love to find some-one who can give my family the missing Nan & Grandad. There must be some-one out there missing the grandkids too.

Tedber Wed 20-Nov-19 12:15:34

P.S. Is that a contradiction in terms "Spontaneously getting to know each other" I think so.....lol but you know what I mean I hope smile

MissingaNan Thu 21-Nov-19 17:43:36

Thanks for all your lovely positive helpful comments. I have decided adopt a Nanny is not a option, nor is it a good idea. I do find being a Mum very hard & I suppose being a Mum without a Mum is my struggle. I will however never give up no matter what life throws at me as my three little beauties are my life & I will do what ever it takes to make them happy & keep them safe. Me & my Husband don’t work & haven’t for some-time I also feel this is making life that much harder. As knowing whether to carry on this unhappy relationship for my kids sake is not the best option. As without me being happy is going to affect my kids. I have some big decisions to make I guess.

Smileless2012 Thu 21-Nov-19 18:34:07

Wishing you well MissingaNanflowers.

Hetty58 Thu 21-Nov-19 19:05:55

Children generally are very robust and adaptable - but they take their cue from us and mirror our reactions. I'm surprised that they were so very upset by the death of their grandmother and needed counselling. Of course you all really miss her but maybe their reactions were mainly to your own grief. I think we have to be strong, honest and matter-of-fact with children.

I believe it would be difficult to adopt the 'right' granny.

Having said that, in our road there's a lovely elderly lady (Daisy) who had outlived all of her family and was 'adopted' by children (that live two doors away) whose grandparents live abroad.

She was always sitting or working in her front garden and watching them play so they began chatting - and that's how it all started.

Now she joins the family for Sunday lunch, outings and special occasions. It's just wonderful that they keep an eye on her and she's so happy with the kids for company!

Hetty58 Thu 21-Nov-19 19:19:31

(crossposted, MissingaNan) As I thought, you are unhappy yourself and you realise that you need to make some changes.

It could be finding work, volunteering, joining activities, study, anything at all - but focus on yourself first and do what will make you happy.

When you feel stronger and more positive, your children will cope far better. When you're happier, it will become clear whether you want to stay with their father.

Good luck!