Ungrateful family

I think people only notice what you do when you stop doing it. How about going on strike for better pay and conditions Xrgran?

Agree with all the above. You are being taken advantage of. You and your OH should present a united front, I expect he is as fed up as you are, and make it plain what you are and are not prepared to do for them. Be prepared for some flack but remember it is your home and you are in the right. Good luck!

If you are anything like me, you will regret making a big thing of it and really miss them when they are gone.
Hopefully your lunch went well yesterday and you managed to relax a bit afterwards.
I think that you need to stop doing everything for the dog!
The way that I would approach it would be to say to the others that you are not as energetic as you used to be so you feel really tired and that they need to take on the chores for a few days (which can be extended…).
You might find that when you leave them to it, they rise to the challenge – I hope so!

LOL Leyla I think that you need to stop doing everything for the dog!

If the OP is like me she will enjoy doing things for the dog, just not for the humans

And me Tedber

You need to be firm and say enough is enough Xrgran decide where it is possible and practical for you to help and then let the other adults sort themselves out. Our adult children often revert to their dependent ways if they return to the family home, you need to point out things are different now.

How far is the local library? Do you have a thermos flask?

There isn't money for a coach trip, if I understand the OP post. Boundaries need to be set but not when Xrgran is feeling so stressed it's going to cause a scene.

As someone with 1 son living away from me and no grandchildren on the cards as yet I'm actually a little envious of your full house(s). And my ex has taken the dog. Just giving a different perspective ....

Do a rota and pin it on the wall !! so that all adults do equal shares of ALL tasks, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc In those conditions, all should be helping, not just sitting back and let you do it all, that’s just selfish. Before you hand over money, be sure that they are not wasting it on other things, are they good at money management ? Plan basic economic meals in advance to help your finances. Good luck ...

Xrgran - when are they going?
Ignore the dog!!

Your partner is probably stressed out of his/her wits with people under his feet everywhere he turns. Heck, I'd be acting pretty unreasonable too by now if that was me lol!

Ok here is what you do, the next time someone criticises what you are doing, stop doing it, say .....if you don’t like the way I am doing this be my guest and do it yourself....then walk away.
Works like a charm. And if no one appreciates your efforts...same thing... walk away and leave then to their own devices.

So there are 6 ppl and a dog staying and more coming over for lunch, and your partner is finding fault of you too, hmm. Well it wouldn’t happen in our house if they couldn’t show some respect the lot of them would be out the door seriously what a selfish lot, your partner is probably as fed up as you are, but I do think you both need to have words here. It’s one thing taking in family but they should show some respect , we help our family out a lot with different things but we do get appreciated

It's funny (peculiar not ha ha!) how when we have AC in OUR home , how we revert back to when they were actually children!
I must admit that when my mum was alive, she did the cooking - only because she either stood over my shoulder and criticised while I was cooking or turned her nose up at what I'd cooked! (She was real meat and 2 veg, so no pasta, anything spicy etc)
So we came to the agreement that I'd do the veg, she'd cook and I'd clear up and wash up after. Housework was divided the same way. But I could never stop her doing my ironing - mainly because she used to do it while I was at work !
My son now does little in the house, apart from eat what I have cooked unless I ask him.
Perhaps you need to sit everyone down and say that if they wish to stay, in your home, they must pull their weight. No more putting your hand in your pocket - if you buy or pay for anything for GC, ask for the money - or ask DD to leave you some money before she goes out. She needs to be aware that she is costing you money! The dog can be walkedand taken care of by the owner.
Once you have said it all, go out somewhere for a couple of hours and leave them to sort it out amongst themselves.

I agree with Tedber, take the dog out and ask when you should be back to eat the lunch/supper they've cooked.
Us Grandmothers need to stop feeling so grateful for visits. When this many people are visiting, allocate a day to each person/couple to bring the wine, the ingredients, cook them and clear up afterwards.
Go girl!

Sit both sets of adult children down and tell them that you need help with the housework now that you are so many in the house.

You are willing to have them, but you are not running a hotel.

Ask each adult to be responsible for making their own bed, hoovering and dusting bedroom and tidying up after themselves in the bathroom.

Make a list of who cooks the family dinner on which day of the week and does the requisite shopping. The dog is not your responsibility and whoever actually owns it should be walking and feeding it, plus paying the dog-food.

Things like hoovering the sitting-room and washing the kitchen floor should also be done in turn by the various adults.

You should not be supporting an adult daughter and her child - if she is neither in work, nor able to work, she must qualify for some kind of social security and be handing over money for her keep to you - not the other way around,

And yes, run all this past your partner, so you can talk to the "kids" together.

Yes take yourself off for a day out- tell them all to manage without you.if you need a 'white lie' say your going browsing for christmas gifts,( it is black friday weekend,after all,good sales on) then browse the shops(treat yourself) buy your own lunch out,grab a movie,(i mite do that myself today) and then get back when the grandchilds in bed,the dogs been walked,they've all had evening meal..& make yourself a sandwich& a cuppa & go up for an early night with a good( maybe new?) book.if they ask if you bought gifts just say there wasnt much in yet. AND DONT COOK FOR THEM ALL IN FUTURE! Theyre old enough to see to themselves now.

Definitely go out for as long as you can with the dog (who will not be judgemental in any way) to have some time on your own and nothing like fresh air to make you feel better. Say you will be back in time for the the next meal (whatever that maybe) and you expect it to be on the table when you get back. And when you get back say you are going to do that every day......good luck

Why are you being a doormat? You don’t have to continue to do everything for them just because you gave birth to them many years ago?
Be firm and give them a list of jobs to do around the house whilst they’re staying with you.
Take yourself out for the day and go to the cinema or anywhere that you’d like to visit. Invite a friend along. Maybe even book into a nice B&B overnight too.

They’re taking liberties because you’re allowing it to happen.
You do have choices.

Some of us grannys do tend to be taken for granted a bit, but if the family realized this I think they'd be ashamed and sorry. It's hard sometimes to speak up and stand up for one's self but if you just told them to have more respect and consideration and not expect so much from you, they might be better. I would try to say it in a way not to end up in a row as when you're all calm you might regret it. So be straight, firm and honest and then take yourself off for several hours and see how they get on. I bet they'll respect you more for it and have a nice cup of tea ready for when you get back. Lets hope aye?

And yes,have a quiet chat on another day about all the extra work with your partner,it could be hes as fed up as you with them all,but secretly seething with you as theyre 'your' AC, he may be ready to chat when you get back from your 'shopping trip' anyway,so it would open the door for you both to make new rules together of what you expect the 'guests' to do for themselves,and stick to it!

I’d say ..thank god for the dog! Means you can leave the building...not feeling guilty...and hopefully return in a better temper (if you are anything like me)! Totally agree that you tell the ‘assembly’ as you leave that you expect a meal on your return.

Maybe you and he could make it a 'rule' that one night a wk you both go out together,so you have a breather from them all,and/or you both eat out for sunday lunch too so you are not responsible for everyone elses meal etc. Might make you both feel less 'parents' and more 'couply'

When I fled my abusive ex-husband I moved in with my mom, bringing my very prem baby too. I appreciated her letting me stay and did all the cleaning, cooking and laundry to help.
I think your family sound like they are dumping on mom. I think you need to say something to the daughter who is living with you and your partner to stop being critical and taking you for granted. As soon as you can take a duvet day.
Good luck xx

Then just do it !
They are adults
Someone finds fault or uses you say 'ok you do it ...bye'
And go out
Have a meal sauna makeover
You are chosing to let them walk over you
Why?

Xrgran - You are being taken for granted but in the worst possible way because this is being accompanied with criticism which is totally damaging to your self-esteem.
It's all very well pussy-footing around but that's not a solution that will raise your self-esteem and it looks as though that's pretty downtrodden at the moment, so the only sensible way forward is not to collude with everyone who is being critical of you and to say upfront to everybody in front of everybody else, maybe when you put the meal on the table that you have logged the number of critical comments made about you by different people over the last few days and have decided that you are not going to be the brunt of all their frustrations. That means that for one full day you will do nothing for anybody - no cleaning, no washing up, no cooking - that you will expect 'somebody' to do all of that and to have your meal on the table when you 'return' from your day out. If all those chores are not done and there is no meal on the table, remove the offer of accommodation. This is what you are entitled to - a life without criticism especially from people for whom you are doing a favour. If you bottle all this up and continue playing the martyr you are simply colluding and bringing yourself down.

I agree with Miss Adventure

well you could go out for the day and let them get on with it. treat yourself to a day out. or take the dog out for the day. OR make up a rota of who does what.but if they pick on you dont hide it inside or bottle it up .say in a loud voice .dont speak to me like that .its very hurtful. you dont say if baby's parents are working? what is wrong with them buying their own food and cooking it.its your home .you say what is happening...sit down and talk to them .dont be apologetic its your home..