Need advice from grannies re my mother

It has been hard for you, although supportive of your mother, after the loss of your father to accept life would never be the same when another man entered your mothers life. This is a new era for your mother which her grandson cannot possibly understand and I do not believe she is as you put it disinterested in her grandson.The only way forward is to speak to your mother, on her own ,and explain her grandson is asking for her, Why not ask both mother and BF for a day if as you say your son has not seen is GM for two months. This will give you some idea how the friendship is progressing ?and your son to have is gran for a day. If this can be a regular invitation and the only way your son is to see his grandmother then this unfortunately has to be the way.

Maybe arrange to see her - it doesnt have to be an ivernight stay. Just a day out somewhere nice together.

Your mother is in love and unfortunately the early stages of a love affair tend to make some people a bit selfish; the emotions are so all consuming that they take over normal thoughts and instincts. Almost certainly this intense phase will ease off over the next year and your mother will get back to her normal self - with or without the new chap.

Best to view it as a tribute to your late father; she liked being married to him and wanted to replicate the feeling.

I have no qualms in saying that your mum is being selfish. I have been in a similar position to her but would die a slow and painful death without my grandchild. I move heaven and earth to see her and my new partner supports me totally. Has she not even considered your dear little son's feelings. You are not being unreasonable.

I wanted to say more but I think I can only post a certain length of text. I do not suggest that you are mean or unkind to your mum because everyone is different... but.. 2 months!!!!!!!!... that is unreasonable... Is there something else going on? Is her new partner controlling? I would look into this and talk frankly to your mum

Being a grandmother I couldn’t imagine this scenario...I’d miss my grandchildren terribly...but the point is I think you would want your mum to want to see her grandson..without her being asked. I think I would be extremely hurt but leave her to it... it’s her loss..it’s a shame though.

trisher makes a good point in that GF is as important as GM in looking after GC, and your mother may feel out of her depth in trying to cope on her own atm with GS (although this does not explain not seeing him for 2 months). Perhaps she would not feel comfortable in asking her BF to help out yet or, more likely, she does not want him to appear to be taking over GF's role. OH and I alternate with play etc when our GC is here or we would run out of energy long before GC did!

You have been extremely understanding and reasonable in your attitude and are understandably upset. However, I echo others in encouraging you to contact your DM and letting her know how much you all miss her. Don't ask her to have DS if he hasn't seen her for 2 months or she may think you only want her for babysitting. Keep it informal and easy for her by inviting her over or to go out with you. As has been said, perhaps she is missing you too but she's not sure how to get back in touch or she does not want to be a burden on you. A couple more thoughts to add to those above:
- do you think she has picked up on some disapproval from you about new BF? Perhaps she thinks he would not be welcome to visit. Perhaps you could encourage both of them to visit you so you are sure that your DM is safe with him.
- don't underestimate her ongoing grief. The loss of your DF has robbed them of their future plans and may have provoked her to live her own life to the full while she can. She needs to work this out for herself and will be grateful for your support.

i agree entirely with what tilleybelle and others have cautioned about.
she has expressed it much better than I could, but as soon as I read the OP, alarm bells were ringing re this new man.

My deepest condolences on the loss of your dad, Elek. And while I'm glad your mum has found a new love, I'm deeply sorry that she has brushed off your little boy this way. As a GM, myself, I can't imagine doing this. It's possible her new BF is influencing her, but it also is possible she's just too wrapped up in her new love, right now, to make space for GS (sigh).

It seems you don't feel comfortable asking her to babysit or letting her know her GS misses her. So I agree w/ those who suggest simply inviting her and BF over socially. At least, your little boy would get to see her, and yet, you wouldn't be asking her to watch him. Hope something works out.

Synchro and Agaaa, so deeply sorry for your losses. Glad you found new love and "adventure," Synchro. Agaa, glad your friend's advice has worked for you. Different strokes, etc.

Yes, it's possible that the OP's mum has gotten involved too quickly and that this man is controlling, etc. But not easy for her to know or to do anything about it. I'd stay aware, Elek, but in the end, your mum's relationship is up to her, of course.

maybe she never had the chance to travel etc with her husband /your father .maybe she needs some time to energise her batteries ,maybe you could get together over a weekend.maybe her new psartner is a control freak .maybe you should sit down and talk to her.dont text her talk to her. face to face. a text always comes out sounding wrong.

Perhaps you could ask to go and see her and her friend telling her you all miss her.You could say you will come to her so as not to put her and her friend out having to come to you.
This will give you a chance to see the friend in his own surroundings and might give you a chance to view the dynamic of the relationship as he will be more relaxed in his own home.
I agree you need more information about this friend, how they met etc.Also if the weather is good you might get an idea how he gets on with his neighbours.All the information you can get without either your Mum or her friend being aware of your concerns, will give you peace of mind of how your Mum is being treated.

Hmm, sounds as if your Mum is head over heels. Not being funny but I hope her new partner isnt on the rebound. Like others I cannot understand why it hasnt occurred to your mum that she hasn't seen her grandchild in a wee while. As you say, there really isn't much you can do. I hope everything works out for you all.

Can your child speak with her on Skype of Facebook Messenger? I know it's not the same thing - but it's better than nothing - you never mentioned going over to the boyfriend's house with the boy. Your mama is on the rebound from the death of you father - she is enjoying the time with the boyfriend, and mourning him, at the same time. Try talking to her without either of your partners listening in, and clear the air.