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My husband and I are both in our 60's. He is retired. I still work full time and am legal guardian and conservator for my 94 year old dad who is in skilled nursing right now (went there from AL due to health issues) but I am shopping for memory care for the next move. Covid has allowed me to have my Saturday's back, as I do not make my weekly visit to my dad which has actually been nice -- I've been at this 5-1/2 years. Our son, wife, and 2 year old granddaughter live down the street. My daughter-in-law is working from home right now and watching the 2 year old (daycare is open but they have decided not to send her.) We go back and forth and probably see them for a short time twice a week. I am careful not to intervene too much as I respect their time and don't want to be a grandma that butts in all the time. My job has allowed me to work from home so I am here all day. I go to exercise classes 4 days during the week after work and on Sunday. Our second granddaughter is due the end of August. My daughter-in-law's mom lives overseas and is unable to come and help this time because of Covid, like she did the first time. I could tell that our visit with them yesterday was uncomfortable. My husband and son talked. They are upset that I don't take my granddaughter for a couple hours at a time. I'm still trying to figure out how I would do that given I work full time and then to Zumba. (don't ask me to give that up because I won't). Maybe I could squeeze out some time from the weekend but I also brought up the fact to my husband that since he is retired and here all day that maybe he could bring her down here for longer visits and watch her himself. She is a handful and our house is not child-proof. You literally have to watch her all the time. My guess is that they want me to bring her here during the week for a couple hours during the work week to give mom a break but I really can't do that and work too. I feel like this is being pushed on me and that if I sit down for some quiet time or TV, I am feeling guilty--like that time should be dedicated to her instead of myself. I guess I'm still learning the boundaries of being a grandparent. I love her to death but she is a handful and it gets really tiring. You literally can't do anything else while she's here. How does a grandma balance the needs of her own life with her grandchildren? This is going to be doubled when the next one comes. My husband and I commented to each other that we had no help whatsoever when our kids were little. His parents were already gone and mine played no role in our kids lives at all. Trying to be a good grandma but still have plenty of time for me!
Bibbity
*OP, is' here all day.'*
Working. The OP is at home all day working.
Also fortunately the father of the children I permitted statutory time off post birth to assist in the caring of the children he made.
I’m not very fond of 2 year olds. I’m legally obliged to care for mine but when they’re done I won’t be killing myself between work and other responsibilities to care for someone else’s.
Wow. “Legally obliged to care for mine”. Such warmth
It's just a clumsy way of saying that she will enjoy having her life back. I've met women who won't breastfeed because they want their bodies back, am I critical of them? No, it's their choice.
The problem with the OP is that she is being forced and feels she has no choice when others i.e her husband and son are busy making decisions for her.
FWIW I am 64 and only yesterday I commented to my husband that I was so glad that I no longer have to work outside the home. I would be knackered ,both physically and emotionally as my job was so draining. Sometimes we know we can't do something and as far as I can see no further explanation is required. Few here seem to want to take the husband and son to task. I wonder why?
I really don’t think anyone should be made to feel bad about looking/ not looking after grandchildren. It’s not fair to criticise people’s decisions. We all walk in different shoes, have different lives, and what suits one person may not suit someone else. There’s no reason to think the DIL will need help after the baby is born, outside of her husband. The last thing the two year old needs, is to be shunted to grandparents she doesn’t see often, when there is a new baby. I wouldn’t have done it simply because I would have worried my older child would think she was being replaced. She may need lots of reassurance that she is still very loved. Also it’s a new family dynamic, and it surely will be a lovely time. Babs sorry if I’ve misunderstood, but you do seem to be worrying about something which may not happen. You may not be asked at all. I do hope you resolve things, and that the birth of your new grandchild goes well.
Blow the Zumba. Children grow so quickly that you can notice this before your eyes----why miss out on that ? I know what I'd choose.
That's the thing, though.
Everybody is different.
Yes, everyone's different MissA.
Exactly MissA
Why not offer to help paying for a child minder?
I've done 17 years of looking after GC ,I did it because I wanted to and I loved every minute.If you cant enjoy the time with your GD ,then step away and let someone who does want to be with her do it instead.Dont beat yourself up over it though we aren't all the same ,it would be a very strange world if we were
Simple : when your RETIRED husband and son spoke , he should have defended you; and then HE could’ve I offered to care for GD !
I don’t see much mention of your son here, apart from speaking to your husband on the QT, I assume he pulls his weight at home? I also think personally 5 Zumba classes a week is excessive and I wonder why you don’t spend more leisure/social time with your husband.
Having said that, some people just don’t ‘gel’ with young children, the tacit assumption is that as a woman you would. I would try and have a discussion with all four together giving your views.
I think BOTH of the blokes should be pulling their weight and not be forcing/guilt tripping a working, 60 plus , female to step in.
My goodness treasure any time you can with your grandchildren and remember how draining it can be to be at home with a little one all day
I am desperate to return to the lovely times I spent with my grandchildren every weekend and whenever I could after work
Can’t remember the last time I read a bedtime story and it hurts like hell
I am terrified that Covid has changed us forever and nana time won’t be required
I like my own time but love spending time with my family and grandchildren
The children will soon be grown and doing their own thingS enjoy them while you can ultimately selfish makes us lonely be generous with your time it is a gift only you can give
That is how you feel.
Again, everyone is different.
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