My ex DIL is arranging boyfriends to pick up GC from day care

I thought you could not play musical chairs in the pandemic lockdown?

Annali, your son needs to adapt to the current situation. They are now separated and his ex is free to arrange her own life without consulting him.

There are some clues to his attitude problem in what you have written:

'she has recently moved further away from him and he works long hours and cannot get to see GC after work'

So he expected her to remain nearby - and to pick up GC from nursery too. He's upset that she's made her own choices - but she has every right to. He shouldn't expect to have much control over their lives now. It's the way things go when a relationship ends.

"She did not seek his consent or agreement to move further away from him - about 30 mins drive. She is sharing house with flat mates - single women- my son knows nothing about."

30 min drive is NOTHING. You could be move to a new place in the same town. That is how tiny 30 minutes are.
We are not talking 4 hours here.

It is certainly no excuse for your son not to see his child due to the reasons he claims to have.
Your son could distribute his working hours, cut his working hours, etc so he could see his son.
Instead, the "blame" is placed on decisions that ex dil makes.

I get very controlling vibes from your posts. Is everything that your ex dil decides to do to be checked out by your son first before she can do it?
Is he willing to do the same - for her to approve anything before he proceeds to move forward?

While I agree with the principle of the lawyer's advice, it can be twisted to make the other party the "unreasonable one"

Everything the mother and father of the child does has the potential of impacting the child in a "unsafe" manner - what is safe or unsafe can vary depending who answers it.

The OP paying for the lawyer for the son certainly is NOT remaining neutral and will impact the relationship with your exdil, if you ever need anything from her.

So you have background in this board- your screen name was very familiar.

I am not surprised you do not approve of your exdil's actions. You never liked her and you will scapegoat her no matter what your son does.

She has every right to move wherever she likes within the country

Your son should either pick up 50:50 care or accept that how she manages her caring responsibilities on her time is her decision

She doesn’t need to consult him on any decisions - not sure which lawyer told him she does - are you in the UK?

How many overnights per week does he have the child? Is he paying sufficient maintenance?

It seems from your posts he’s visiting a couple of times per week but expects to micro manage the mother from a distance as if she’s some sort of nanny... I hope you can tell us otherwise

If your GC's life is chaotic with his mum and your DS cares he could just get his child and enrol in a nursery nearby and let the child's mother ttake him to court for access. Where he can then explain thaf he is providing a more stable home.
Don't say he can't do this because he works long hours. If the situation is so bad it his duty to provide a more stable home for his child and by doing so changing his life to put his child first.
This is not a time to use words. If it's that bad take action.

Whatdayisit, no, he can't just 'get his child' unless he wants the police after him pdq! That action would only be justified where there was evidence of abuse!

(I don't think that's the case - what he wants is a continuation of control over his ex.)

He can if there isn't an existing court order and he is on the birth certificate.
If he believes his child is being put in danger and can prove this then he can. The police will check and say it's for the court to decide. Then he needs to put his case forward in court.
If he doesn't want to change his life to put his child first then what the mother is doing can't be that bad and OP can stop being at her wit's end.
Father's on the birth certificate have equal parental responsibility now and can exercise that right if they choose to. It isn't the easy option and changes to work have to be made.
Sitting back and criticising is the easy option.

Where is the evidence of the 'danger' to the child?

No wonder your son is distraught, your DIL is trampling all over him. I would be very careful who I allowed to collect my child from anywhere. It would only be close family or maybe a friend I have known for a long time, certainly not a new BF. Your DIL is being very inconsiderate to your S and has to realise that it is joint parenting, the decisions are not hers alone. It is very emotionally confusing for the child.

Your son shouldn't need you to pay a lawyer to point out that he has equal guardianship rights; of course he has, and he also has equal responsibilities.
He needs to organise his working hours so that he can share child care, which is what the father in the case I quoted did: early mornings, late evenings and weekends, (employers have a responsibility to facilitate this wherever possible) and not leave the child's mother reliant on other people.
If he knows the mother to be an 'unfit mother ' although apparently reluctant to use the evidence , why is he then content to leave the child in her care for the majority of the time?
He sounds very much as though he has moved on, but is attempting control without responsibility.
Quite a familiar figure in the child care courts.

You could ring the NSPCC anonymously, just to ask for their advice; I have done this in the past on two occasions when I was worried about a child. Explain that it's not you have specific concerns about the new bf, just that your son knows nothing about him and he will be looking after the most precious person in your son's life. They will take it seriously, and let you know what, if anything, your son should do... Best wishes.

Would it be the same problem if it was a female platonic friend who was doing her the favour of picking up the child some days?

I don’t think that the NSPCC would get involved unless there were serious safeguarding issues.
The couple have separated and that is that - your son and his ex wife will have to make their custody arrangements for themselves and if your DIL has moved on, so be it.
You have expressed animosity to your DIL in the past - don’t let that cloud your judgement.

Weekends with the father to keep steady eye on the child. A single mother has the right to ask the police if the bf has previous. It's a law relating to protecting the mother and children to prevent a person gaining access to kids in the home.
. Cant remember what the law is called. Worth looking into, for piece of mind

Have I missed something?
Why the assumption that the new man might have a criminal record?

Fucsiarose
So he gets to be the fun Disney dad, go to the zoo, take him to bday parties, etc, while the mother does all the hard work during the week?

Nope!

If the father wants to keep a close eye, bad things can happen during the week too.