Husband is reluctant grandfather

And he’ll be free to find someone who loves him. Win, win.

It's nothing to do with the children for me. I would say the same if she was working from home and he couldnt cope with lack of attention.

FFS Bibbity, encouraging divorce because this retired man would rather like a bit of peace and quiet in his own home and in all probability has a wife who puts herself and her grandchildren before him? Poor old sod.

I sometimes put myself before DH and I would expect him to sometimes put himself before me. Anything else is unrealistic.

Galaxy

It's nothing to do with the children for me. I would say the same if she was working from home and he couldnt cope with lack of attention.

Well, yes. But would she be insisting that he did work jobs for her and then threaten to leave because he didn’t do them very well?

It’s not just about him wanting her attention. Her main complaint was that he isn’t getting as involved as she is. He’s not enjoying it with her. And when she makes him he does it badly and shows he’s not enjoying it.

I expect he’s “suffering” too from having to live with someone who’s clearly so dissatisfied with him.

Yes I do hope the Op leaves if she is unhappy. He doesn't have to like the children. But for one day a week he can occupy himself without abusing two tiny children.

“Don’t jump on the sofa”

Abuse, abuse?

He only talks to them to tell them off

Yea abusive.

So, I’m f knowing that he finds it difficult and that the telling off might happen, the OP insists that he gives in to her demands and spends time with them, making threats if he does not, who is the initiator of and responsible for the “abuse”?

Oh,I’m just arguing fir the sake of it now because your stance is so extreme that it’s just silly.

Saying something such as Peasblossom suggested isn’t abuse. You’re much younger than us Bibbity and I believe you said recently that your eldest is 7. You’re used to having young children around. In a couple of decades or more when you’ve no longer got young children, have retired and are relishing having some peace and quiet at last I suspect you will have a rather different viewpoint unless you turn into a woman obsessed with her grandchildren, in which case see how MrB feels about it . You will also realise that divorce is difficult when you’ve just got your pension and if you’re lucky some savings and a half share in the matrimonial home.

Bibbity

Forsythia

Sometimes men who feel their wives value their grandchildren more than them find a willing lady who is interested in them and only them. My relative found this with her DH. Not what she intended at all.

Her husband was a POS that is why he cheated.

Not any of that was her fault.

Thanks for your insight on a situation you know nothing about Bibbity. Nobody was excusing him or saying it was her fault thank you! Just mentioning that this was the result of a woman who allowed the grandchildren to take her life over so her DH felt pushed out. My sister did this and now regrets how things turned out. Sadly she can’t turn the clock back.

Germanshepherdsmum

Saying something such as Peasblossom suggested isn’t abuse. You’re much younger than us Bibbity and I believe you said recently that your eldest is 7. You’re used to having young children around. In a couple of decades or more when you’ve no longer got young children, have retired and are relishing having some peace and quiet at last I suspect you will have a rather different viewpoint unless you turn into a woman obsessed with her grandchildren, in which case see how MrB feels about it . You will also realise that divorce is difficult when you’ve just got your pension and if you’re lucky some savings and a half share in the matrimonial home.

Why do people keep saying that Op is obsessed with her grandchildren?

She is involved but obsessed seems quite an exaggerated stretch.

I disagree. I don't see me becoming an abusive horror when I am retired. My parents certainly haven't. Can they cope all day every day. No.

One day. Absolutely and if they couldn't they would do the decent thing and distance themselves.
This man has more red flags than a train station.

And if the OP wants a divorce who are any of you to minimise that?

I dont think having your grandchildren one or two times a week is evidence of being obsessed though.

I agree, Galaxy. And some of us had no choice but to look after our grandchildren. We had our grandson living with us (along with my son) for almost two years, and as my son works shifts, that involved us looking after the little one almost full time. It wasn't easy - I'm certainly not a 'grandchild-obsessed' grandmother and I wouldn't necessarily choose to be around young children all day, but it was a situation which was thrust upon us and we got on with it, because that's what you do as a parent (and grandparent).

Germanshepherdsmum I don't agree with on much but I'm with you on this one!

No-one has said she is obsessed Galaxy. It has been suggested that she may talk a lot about her grandchildren, as many grandmothers do without realising they talk of little else.

I’m not aware of any red flags Bibbity. OP says he tells the grandchildren off (maybe with good reason, we don’t know) and wants some of his wife’s attention which perhaps he was looking forward to when he retired. He is not shown to be ‘an abusive horror’.

But theres no evidence that she talks about them a lot. Just that she needs to watch them as they are very little.

Also there are quite a few of these type threads at the moment.

Germanshepherdsmum

No-one has said she is obsessed Galaxy. It has been suggested that she may talk a lot about her grandchildren, as many grandmothers do without realising they talk of little else.

I’m not aware of any red flags Bibbity. OP says he tells the grandchildren off (maybe with good reason, we don’t know) and wants some of his wife’s attention which perhaps he was looking forward to when he retired. He is not shown to be ‘an abusive horror’.

Have you seen the ages of the children
There is no reason to tell off a baby. She also states it is the only interaction he ever has with them.

That is abusive.

If they are never told off for doing something they shouldn’t how do they ever learn? It’s not abuse. I have suffered abuse and I wonder if you know the meaning of the word.

I think that the fact that he resents your adult friendships is a sign of a bigger problem than "not particularly liking young children"! I also think his lack of willingness to work with you on a solution is a bigger problem too!!

Re your grandchildren I think you need to discuss the problem properly with him, acknowledge that you don't focus on him when they are there and that is just the way it has to be on that day!! Ask him why this bothers him so much? Try to reach a compromise that works for both of you eg. He potters about elsewhere in the house on the days they come and joins you all for lunch? You take them out for an hour or so when you can to give him a break? He takes up a hobby/meets a friend or whatever that gets him out the house to give him a break?

If he won't compromise/wont listen etc tell him that having the grandchildren is what YOU want to do so if he doesn't like it he will have to find his own solution!!

I know this is his home etc etc but it is YOUR home as well! If you have that conversation then you will have tried and if he just won't work with you then so be it.

However re the telling them off etc ... if he carries on and you feel it is unreasonable then basically you have to keep a room where you play etc, and tell him to stay out if he is going to spoil things! Having said that it is not clear what he tells them off about, is it reasonable or is it ridiculous expectations for young children?

If you went to your DDs house by the way, at least you wouldn't have to deal with HIS issues!

Germanshepherdsmum

If they are never told off for doing something they shouldn’t how do they ever learn? It’s not abuse. I have suffered abuse and I wonder if you know the meaning of the word.

True, but if the only interaction the grandfather has with the children is telling them off, it doesn't bode well for their future relationship, does it?

18 months do not ever need to be "told off" they are babies. Redirection and distraction.
But no children learn from being "told off" being spoken to and having the situation explained is correct .
Did he have to tell off his colleagues?

We do not know exactly what he says, nor in what circumstances. OP describes it as telling them off. Others witnessing it may disagree. Having had a child myself I can't agree that no 18 month old needs to be told off. It depends what they're doing (trying to stick something into an electric socket, reaching for something hot?) and how you do it. I don't need parenting lectures Bibbity. I'm sure I'm more than old enough to be your mother though I'm rather glad I'm not, you always seem so bad tempered.