Husband is reluctant grandfather

Oh dear, so sorry to read the predicament your husband has put you in. Carry on enjoying your grandchildren. Your husband sounds as though he is possessive with you and jealous of the time you are giving to your grandchildren. Can’t he join in and enjoy the time with them while they are at your house, after all it is only one day. I would ignore his sulking and meaningless comments, don’t let him make you feel bad about giving your grandchildren time and love. He is the one missing out for being so miserable. Good luck and enjoy.

Could you look after them at your daughter's house both days.

Ah Notjustaprettyface that is sad for you.

I empathise with your situation and right now I cannot think of anything constructive ?but rest assured another Gran will read your message soon and have something to offer by way of advice.
I just didn’t want to leave your message unacknowledgeed?

He isn’t stopping you from having them at your house, so Id just tell him he’s being unreasonable and to stay out of their way. I’d tell him that bad temper and sulking won’t get him what he wants.

Having said that, is a lot of the problem that you want him to be as involved and enthusiastic as you are? That’s not reasonable of you. You enjoy small children, he really doesn’t. Not everybody does.

He may not mind them being there if you stop pressuring him to take part?

And if he does, tough on him!

Very odd OP I also look after my granddaughter one day a week my husband is working our office is attached to our house .He will very often pop out to see her
Grandads are usually a softer touch than grandmas and my husband adores all his grandchildren

I am so sorry to hear you are forced to live with such an awful man.

Is he the father of your daughter? How was he when she was young? Does he allow you to interact with other adults or does he always demand your attention?

Can you move the other day to her house as well and start to make some distance with him?

The simple fact is that not everyone likes small children - I readily admit that I don’t and would be irritated if I were in your husband’s position putting up with them and the noise they inevitably make all day and the disruption of normal routine so I can see where he’s coming from. He’s not an ‘awful man’ he’s simply being honest about his feelings and perhaps he also resents sharing you. Can’t you look after them at their home both days? I shall now don my tin hat and retire behind the sofa.

But it's not the children is it? He has said it's because he is not having the attention. That is what makes him awful. He's a grown man. He doesn't need attention that much.

Hi Bibbity
Yes he is the father of my daughter and he was ok when she was young
He seems to resent any adult I am close to so I think there is a problem there

Are they your husband's grandchildren too?

sorry, crossed post

A man who is jealous of the attention his wife pays to his grandchildren?
Resents any adult you are close to?
What sort of attention are you supposed to be paying him that you don't give him when the grandchildren are there?
Or is it he resents not being the centre of attention?
What a curmudgeon.
Don't give in to this.

So your husband doesn't care for young children. So why force him to be with them?

Is your house really so small that your husband can't have the sitting-room to himself and you be somewhere else with the children?

Has he always resented you having visitors? Saying that you ignore hm when the children are visiting is rather unreasonable. As you say, young children cannot be left to their own devices.

A reasonable compromise would be not to try and involve him when the children are with you and to give your DH space and peace. Would he accept that, do you think?

Yes lemsip they are

Is he controlling with you in any other way? If he's jealous of anyone else you have contact with, it suggests he might be.

I cannot imagine what attention a grown man needs whilst you are looking after two young children that are no more than babies
He tells them off .....really
He does sound very childish especially being as they are his own grandchildren. I would look after them both days in their own home they don't need to be picking up on his distaste for them.

Sounds like a big baby to me. Moaning about not having attention when his grandchildren are there. The grumpier he becomes the less the children will want to bother with him and gravitate more towards you which won't help his bruised ego. I wouldn't pander to him. Put your foot down.

Does your daughter know that her father has no time for her children? He sounds very odd indeed.

Notjustaprettyface you feel like moving out but can't afford it as your pension is not enough. Sounds as though there is a lot more going on than just your Husband not being interested in the grandchildren. It does seem quite a harsh reaction to his disinterest in them.

Oh dear grandad does sound rather like a small boy himself. I wonder if he is another old gentlemen who didn't think retirement included having his house full of small children twice a week. I have a feeling this is more common than we grans might think. I would stop trying to actively include him specially whilst they are so small, he obviously isn't going to join in. Could you find a small play group nearby or make sure you take them out during the day they are with you, perhaps a visit to the swings. Maybe as they get bigger they may charm him into taking more interest. Also have a chat with him if you can, what is behind this attitude?

I seem to have fallen into a post Xmas slump and have done bugger all today. Dh has coped with not having any attention because he is a grown adult. When he is at work I manage to struggle through without his attention. I actually would expect anyone of over 10 to possess this skill.

He sounds a bit of a pain but I suspect he is jealous of the relationship you have with your GC. My husband is pretty good with ours, we take them on holiday with us and it works really well because we are in a different environment but I've noticed that he doesn't have the patience for the mess and noise in the house although it's me that cooks for them and clears everything up! I think the advice to do both days at your daughters house is a good one. They have all their toys and stuff there, you won't be walking on eggshells with him and you won't have the mess either. He loses out on a close and loving relationship with them as they get older. Enjoy your time with them, it soon passes and they grow up so quickly. He may be better with them when they are older.

I actually think you are looking after THREE children! Your OH sounds like a self centred, spoilt brat and he needs to grow up and embrace the time spent with the GC.

Is there a possibility he needs the DGCs’ attention and not yours, that he feels awkward so complains and distances himself from them?
Could you suggest he’s better than you are dealing with x/y/z they need even though you’re with them? Remind him of something he particularly brought to your DD’s upbringing (e.g. reading a storybook) and boost his confidence to repeat it with your DGC.
If he engages with them and receives a favourable response, it might be just what he needs and the solution for you all. Gradually wean him in…
Tell him you need - not want - his help and experience.
Good luck.