Help Needed but How?

Sorry, 6pm!

Has your daughter asked you to help find a solution? There are a lot of good ideas here, but no idea what would suit the family.

If they know the community well, they can ask around - my sons have earned money by going to a neighbour's home after school and looking after children until the parents come home. This is great for homework help (and they can be around in the holidays as well) and could do a simple tea as well. However they wouldn't do every day because of sports training.

I am surprised that they don't already have a cleaner, and think that the first thing so that you are free to be granny when you are there.

Au pairs can be great, but be very careful with the agencies, and it can be difficult to place someone outside of main towns and cities. And in those areas there are often students who could do this (many who have helped in youth organisations come with experience and DBS checks).

This may not suit at all - I suspect it won't - but we have a lovely family near us, with high achieving parents who have simply taken it in turn to be the full-time / part-time worker, swopping every few years.
They recently had 3 years of both working full-time as the older boy could care for the younger. However he is now at work, and they have had to re-group.

Hope you find something helpful

I agree with Nannarose; the first thing should be employing a cleaner!

It is good of you to think about the problem but I expect they will sort themselves out, certainly breakfast clubs and after school clubs are a start, my daughter uses them. They should try for a cleaner, not easy to find I know.

My DS is a finance officer in a government department. He is based at home and can organise his day to pick up his children from school if required and prepare a meal for them. He will then work in the evening. Not ideal. I totally accept that this wouldn’t work for everyone. They have a cleaner which I feel is essential.

A nanny /au pair is what they need I had one when my 3 were very young and she went on holiday with us, took the children to school/nursery did homework, some light household duties, gave them tea. If we had a function/going out she put them to bed/story etc. I credit Paula with having brought my children up very well while we were working. She left to get married when the youngest of the children was secondary school age and she started with me when she was 19.

An au pair who lives out?
After school club is good as is breakfast club! Children adapt to these hours as long as they are consistent ! There are plenty of holiday activity clubs as well !! The parents need to take a day off and sit down to make a plan which works for everybody including you as you are involved and concerned ?

Before and After school clubs are held at various schools, so might be an idea for her to enquire if there is one at the children's school.
Mothers' helps will make arrangements to drop children off , pick up from school and either take the children home and stay with them until parents return - perhaps your daughter could ask on her community Facebook group for recommendations or if anyone would be interested - they might have children of the same age but they must be passed by the council I believe if they will be paid.
Sometimes for after school, there might be a local trust worthy teenager that would "babysit" .
First choice should possibly be to find out if the working hours for both parents can be changed - either starting later or leaving earlier from work each day and then during the holidays, there are often holiday activity clubs that are available during the day.

It sounds to me as if an Au pair might be the answer. We had a nanny until ours were both at school, then fortunately she got married and had her own baby so registered as a childminder to care for mine in the holidays. Once the oldest was 11 she moved to Australia and at that point we got an Au pair. It was a great success, she kept in touch with us for years after she had returned to Slovakia. Her role was mainly to be there for the children before and after school and to do a few domestic things like put washing on or do a little meal prep. We really benefited from her presence as she was really good company and loved doing art or making up games for tour sons. Worth a try.

Would getting a Au Pair help although they would need a room of their own.
That way whoever it is learns better English and gets paid a salary.
Boundaries would need to be set as to what was expected

I went to an agency for a mother's help when mine were younger and I was running a business. They lived in with full board and paid 7-11 and 3- 5. Did school runs walking distance, vaccumed dusting, loaded dishwasher and children's laundry.
Worked very well as in holidays took children out to parks, swimming etc
All were vetted by agency

My daughter did school pick up , evening meal , homework, bathing and sometimes putting to bed for the 5 yo twins of a tv executive who was generally in work until late M -F. DD was at university and was glad of the cash and the availability of a well stocked fridge. If she needs cleaning duties and has house space I’d go down the au pair route.

NanaPlenty - honestly I think you need to bow out of your child and house care duties and allow your daughter and son-in-law to enter the real world. They've got high-flying careers presumably with the same high-flying salaries, and two lovely children as well. They can't have everything and need to think about where the children feature in their lives. Not much of a life for them if they're up at the crack of dawn to make breakfast club and then hanging on at school for after school club, and then going home to parents who are too tired to do anything with them. They need to consider some stability for the children, a full-time nanny/housekeeper who will allow them a more leisurely routine in the morning, take them to school, come back and clean/tidy the house, prepare an evening meal for the children and the parents, supervise the children with their homework, and make the house welcoming for when the parents actually do get home. However, you have to pay for that sort of thing but at least it would enable your daughter and son-in-law to 'enjoy' their jobs and their children and homes too. I would suggest boundaries in that situation though because if they really are going to be at home for just a few hours each evening, then there should be no logging on to work at 7.30pm. This experience and advice come from counselling in family situations.

I was a registered childminder for over 25 years until recently and often had children with similar requirements, being dropped off to mine early, taken to school and picked up later. Back at my house they would have tea and play or do homework until collected, holidays they stayed all day. It worked out ok as I had part time pre school children during school hours to keep.me busy. Ofsted registered childminders can be found on childcare.co.uk and local council websites

Look on childcare.co.uk
I’m sure a Nanny, Registered Childminder or Mother’s Helper can be found.
Sometimes People fit work around other commitments when before and after school help is required and as hoc hours such as holidays-also a mix of one of the above and sch clubs - lots of options out there but ensure regulated and insured as First Aid and public liability required…
Also Care.com

Helping look after the beloved grandchildren I get - but cleaning for them once a week?!? Is this a joke thread?!

I find it sad that these days parents put their careers before the needs of their children.

Esspee

I find it sad that these days parents put their careers before the needs of their children.

Yes, isn’t it shocking that parents work to put a roof over their children’s heads, food in their stomachs and try to give them the best chances in life.

Not shocking, but very sad.

Best chances come in many guises, education alone doesn’t cover it. ( IMO)

Dylant1234

Helping look after the beloved grandchildren I get - but cleaning for them once a week?!? Is this a joke thread?!

I'd want being paid for cleaning!
Actually, I have enough trouble getting my own cleaning one without doing the DCs.

Looking after the DGC once or twice a week is lovely but taking on what amounts to a full-time job is too much as we get older. I'm glad you realise that NanaPlenty and have told them you just can't do it any more.

Now it's up to them to decide what to do.

There are reputable agencies for au pairs, but honestly an au pair is not the best solution for children of these ages.

She will most likely only be about 18 herself, perhaps as young as 16, which can lead to problems.

It sounds to me as if your daughter and her husband should be able to afford to pay a nanny, if they can get one, or at least an older woman than an au pair with experience of either teaching or bringing up children.

Call me old fashioned if you like, but I do not think that a 10 year old and an 8 year old should be left to their own devices entirely after school. Accidents do occur, and certainly there is no way of knowing whether they are playing computer games all afternoon, or not.

In your daughter's place, I would look for a woman in her late thirties or early forties who either is a mother herself or has professional experience in looking after children.

If both parents have good well paid jobs then there should be no problem finding help Many childminders do school pick ups and takes often taking their younger charges out for a walk to do the pick up/ drop off then the older ones love helping with the little ones or sit doing homework
That’s how it worked for my youngest daughters three children

Would any of their friends' parents help out for something in return eg, baking a cake or buns each week, or Artisan bread? Do you have any skills that might be useful that you can use as a thankyou?

I would suggest that a cleaner is required as surely it will eventually be too much for you.

My family had a 'tea lady'. This lovely woman collected the children from school, walked them home, set them up with any homework, etc She made the children supper then did the bath and bed routine. Around 4.5 hours in total.

Unfortunately the lady did not drive, so help to attend some after school activities had to be found elsewhere but it was a great loving relationship and all enjoyed it for many years until Covid reared its head.