Help Needed but How?

Bridgeit No it isn't. Many families have to have both parents working to get a roof over their head and food on the table.

In the past families lived on one salary and had a lifestyle to suit. I know that had I chosen to work we would have been able to afford a bigger house in a better area. Instead our children had full time parenting as we didn’t bring children into this world to farm them out to others in their formative years.
Now everyone wants a bigger house, a new kitchen, two flash cars, an extension plus children whom they have little time for.
It is the children who suffer because parents want it all.

Yet another thread about working parents that’s led to a flood of cold, critical, judgemental comments.
‘It’s the children who suffer because parents want it all”

Where is the evidence for that statement ?

^Now everyone wants a bigger house, a new kitchen, two flash cars, an extension plus children whom they have little time for.
It is the children who suffer because parents want it all.^

Blimey O'Riley, well that puts as all to rights. Forget poverty, children who would starve without the mother's wage, forget the current cost of housing, whether buying or renting, which means 2 incomes are essential. Forget families living in cramped housing because that is all the parents can afford, Forget the need to produce any evidence of any kind to support a sweeping statement like this. Just let your prejudices all hang out.

I know that my mother, grandmother, great grandmother and great great grandmother worked. As Irish immigrants during the Famine with 3 children and more to come, my GGGM had no alternative, neither did my GGM ad GM. Both widowed in their 30s, one with 5 children, the other with 2 children an invalid sister and a mother to support.

They also had close and loving families, children who thrived and were close to their mothers. My mother didn't need to work but did and so did I.

When I read all the stories of estrangement on GN, I am so grateful that my family has been spared that - and many of the other problems that beset families and then here is someone making statements like the above, When I look at my family and the, now, 6 generations of children who have been born to and thrived with working mothers, I can only say the more children with working mothers the better it is for them.

The evidence is with the children

I have always worked, does working count , or is it only important if it is a career.?

Working, is working is working. A career is what you refer to once it is over!!

You can have a career as a solicitor and a career as a carer

I expect many of us come from families where both parents worked.
My family history shows from the mid 19th century to 1950’s both parents worked. Originally in agricultural work in the south east, then to the mills and mines in the north west . The agricultural work dried up, the industrial revolution provided work. By the late 19th century my great great great gran had been abandoned by her (drunken) husband. She was living alone with her 7 children, those aged 11 upwards worked, like their mum, in the local mill.
Similar history on my maternal side.
My mum had cared for her younger sibs, from the age of 11, from before and after school as both parents worked. She was a typical 50’s mum, stayed home, determined we children would have mum at home.
Next generation, me and my sisters all worked when our children were young. Those children are now mid/late 30’s. Yes, both parents work

Apologies for such a long, personal post. I’m sure my family history is not dissimilar to many. My point is my family history shows strong supportive families, working mothers or not. I’m sick of the judgemental comments about young parents ‘who want it all’. The families I know aren’t like that and I don’t accept it as a generic description

Iam64 I am totally in agreement with you. I think the censorious judgements of the generation below them have always been there. I can remember the generation above us being shocked and worried about our generation, the 60s generation, because we all wanted washing machines and holidays in Majorca.

Anyway, with the average age for a first child now reaching 30 and most children being born to mothers in their 30s, the idea of 'young' parents doesn't really apply any more.

I think some people are just born with inflexible minds and cannot understand anyone who does anything differently to them.

When I was coming back to work and was telling a very traditional friend how DH and I had discussed how to best use our work leave to provide care for our children in the holidays (we lived nowhere near our parents, who all worked), she was genuinely shocked that DH would be expected to do this and for years sat like a vulture on a fence waiting for our marriage to fall apart.

Yes to censorious judgement. When I returned to work after 2nd mat leave, I asked to job share, a fairly novel idea in the mid 80’s. Adverts had applicants my manager didn’t want to appoint, having seen the applications I agreed with him. By then, I’d been back a couple of months, using leave to work 3 days a week. The nature of my work meant in effect I was full time. I agreed to return full time. My manager was pleased to have my skills back but said ‘of course, you know my view is you should be at home with your children’. I asked how long he’d given up work to care for his 5 children. He looked surprised