Unwanted gifts - advise needed

When my first grandchild was born I bought the nursery furniture which was well received. Also from time to time I bought items of clothing. Nowadays it's a cheque for Christmas and birthdays which suits us all.

I don't think it is that new moms don't want second hand clothes, it is more that they want to buy them themselves

Congratulations. Luckily I have similar tastes to my daughter and she has loved the clothes I have bought for my grandson. If she didn't like them she would tell me. It would be easier to say to say that you have a way you want to dress your child. You are grateful that they want to buy presents for her but it would be easier to send a gift card or bank transfer as kids grow so fast. I wouldn't be offended if my daughter said it to me.

I buy clothes for my grandchildren from Next! How rude and ungrateful of your DIL

I think you are being really kind. Certainly you can do some good with all these unwanted clothes so do make sure they go somewhere where they are really needed. We always bought a large item, pram, cot etc and left any clothes buying until baby arrived so we could have a look at him or her, that is for the GC. I was presented with a beautiful layette made by my mother and small dresses made by a lady over the road who had worked for a couturiers when I had first DD, bit difficult to argue with that!!

Well I’m a mum and a nanna to grandkids and I remember my family buying stuff for my boys and I like you through were old fashioned and when my grandkids were due I asked my sons and daughter inlaws what they needed. Yes I bought stuff for my grandkids and too be honest mine could have said save your money etc lol but as a grandparent you get so caught up every time you see something you buy you can’t stop yourself. But you going have to be straight and say mum mum inlaw we don’t need clothes etc but we do need etc and if you get too much give them to charity or someone who wants them. I’m sure I’ve bought stuff mine never liked but they never said just took and said thanks lol enjoy and don’t worry about it.

I agree with GrandtanteJE65

Perhaps send them details of the brands/shops you prefer, and the colours you like. Point out that young babies just don't need mountains of clothes, they grow too quickly. Suggest they buy nappies (of your choice) in various sizes, and water soluble baby wipes - in bulk!

Say that you will keep some of the baby items they've already bought but others will be donated to a Ukrainian (or other) charity so that more needy families can benefit from their generosity.

You really do need to make them understand your preferences on this matter or they will continue to buy unsuitable clothes and gifts for your child until they are an adult! It could save them money too as they will know where to shop and perhaps buy one or two stylish items rather than lots of cheaper things that you will never use.

I would say thank you and just keep what you like.
Perhaps donate the rest to social services to help a teenage mum or a poor family

Babies grow out of clothes very quickly, you'll be able to 'legitimately' give them away quickly. Although I understand it doesn't 'sit right' with you to do the photo, you could do photo's in black & white, then the colours won't show up and you too could display them without 'assaulting' your eyes!
Maybe you could use the previous suggestions of "too many clothes now" and suggest they 'add' to the educational account you've opened for her as university fees will probably be off the scale by the time they are needed!

I understand a well intentioned present, especially when babies are involved

It becomes a non so well intentioned one when it gives more work to the parents, work they did not ask for or for items they do not even need.

If new parents have to sort through clothes, drop items in donations, .... take pics, send them to recipients - it gets old fast.

It is important for both parties to know what is expected for the grandparent-parent relationship, to avoid misunderstandings

I find the sense of entitlement astonishing in new mothers or mothers to be these days. Your children will absorb your attitudes. One day those same attitudes will come back to bite you.
Would it be so hard to learn a little diplomacy? Take photographs of the children wearing the baby clothes and find something nice to say. Then feel free to offer them to refuges.
It would actually be truthful and kinder to say that you feel guilty that your child has so much when children in refuges have nothing so you will make regular donations of clothes to the refuges and that sometimes the generous gifts you have been given will eventually go to the refuge.

Buying clothes for grandchildren is fraught for grandparents.
I was asked to knit for my first grandchild. I knitted loads of jumpers and cardigans, which were well received and subsequently used for the next baby and some were passed down to DD2 ten years later. I had kept shawls and blankets that my mother had knitted and these have been used for all 3 grandchildren.
I love buying baby clothes but stick to certain brands and small businesses.
It’s true that as they grow up children develop their own taste. My 12 year old DGS will only wear black, camouflage or football shirts (preferably black). I still find it fun to buy black and football shirts for him and the shirts are expensive so he doesn’t get many.
My DD2 takes unwanted and outgrown baby clothes to a women’s refuge where they are gratefully received.
I really hope you don’t upset these new grandparents because they are only trying to be involved. Your baby doesn’t need to wear the clothes, but they were bought with love I know because that what I do.

I gave a gift for each newborn off my own bat but fairly generic stuff, baby grows, vests and such, but since then I always message the parents when buying anything, with a photo asking if they like it or not. If they say no then I don't buy it. Life's too short to get upset at what amounts to a simple difference in taste.

Tell both you are really concerned about the volume of clothing you are having to store. When either if the ladies turn up with clothing just thank them then tell them to take them back as they will be wasted. If they are not prepared to listen to you saying you don't need any more stuff they have to deal with the consequences. Open a bank account for the baby, tell them to contribute to that instead of buying clothes. Sorry but think you need to be firm or it will go on and on.

Congratulations ABC12. How would I like to be approached if it was me? I am quite direct myself and I wouldn’t mind people being direct with me. But that doesn’t apply to everyone, so it depends what your DM and DMIL are like. I would recommend using as much tact and sensitivity as possible, and definitely not telling any lies. There is no need.

I might thank them very much for all the clothes they have already bought and say that I didn’t think I would be able to use any more in those sizes. I might say that rather than more clothes, I would really appreciate help with larger items such as a cot or pushchair.

Then later on I might ask them not to buy more than a few items of clothing per size of clothes, and say I preferred to choose them myself, protect the environment and not have too many.

If they cooperate, you could do the photo thing, keep the clothes and dress your baby in those clothes when your DM or DMIL will see them. That would then be a compromise between their wish to see the baby in their clothes and your wish not to see the baby in their clothes and not to have too many clothes.

If they don’t cooperate, you could tell them again why you’d rather they didn’t buy more than a few items of clothing, and say that if they keep sending the same amount you will be giving some away. If that didn’t work, you could just give the clothes away, except for a few maybe.

If I see something that would look good on my grandson I send a picture of it to my daughter if she doesn't like it it I don't get it simple.
I can't abide waste and the thought of it not being used is annoying.

Used to have this problem with MIL who lived abroad. We would visit once a year. She spent those 12 months buying a bizarre array of cheap plastic toys, clothes etc for kids. Each day, she would produce something new. The kids loved it. Me not so much. The six-foot stuffed toy was a challenge to transport home on a charter flight! No talking to her would stop her. I gave up and went along with it. Now she’s gone, I miss her well-meaning ways.

I gave up and went along with it. Now she’s gone, I miss her well-meaning ways.

Shows you're a very kind person, Shizam

I would tell them now you have enough for that age. Tell them what you do need now - nappies, wipes, sudocreme, all in one coat depending on time of year. You will find babies grow very quickly so don't stay in same size for long. I go with what my DDs suggest or I know myself - DGS2 wants Spiderman everything (4), DGD tells you - she likes pink, flamingoes, fairies, unicorns and has just informed DD1 she wants blue gingham dresses when she starts school in August and a cardigan - no jumper (5 and very bossy), DGS1 anything football or to do with jaguars - the animal (8). 3 and 4 year olds tend to want what is current on children's TV eg Paw Patrol. One of DD2's friends only gets Scandi clothing which is expensive but some of it is cute and it sells on well. I follow my DDs ideas and ask if not sure. The other gran doesn't always but gives a gift receipt so can be changed.

You sound like you have your head screwed on so for goodness sake just have the conversation with them both... Of course a Grandmother to a precious new baby wants to buy things but what a shame you can't just say to your Mum that you wish she would save her money until you get chance to shop with her as it will mean more choosing something together and save her carting it all to you when she visits from overseas. Use this for your own gifts too.
Your Mother in Law might just be happy not to feel the pressure of getting something that you may not like and it may help her to fill the void of missing her daughter and grandchildren to have a shopping trip with you.
If that fails and it might, please don't fret. Not worth it. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and becoming a Mother.
I am a MIL. and its very different and easy to feel excluded but I worked hard at being casual and taking her lead on all things babywise and I would always reinforce what I liked about how she mothered her baby. I Asked her what she would like me to do when babysitting, checked any routines etc. I'm not saying we always get it right, but I really feel the honesty between us. Good luck.

I'm a granny to 5 children, the youngest being 5 weeks old and another one due in summer. I do buy clothes for them but stick to what I know they like in terms of style and character clothing-I see them all very often so can keep up with their fads. When my own children were small, there was an old auntie who hand knitted the most hideous jumpers in bright clashing colour combinations, odd length sleeves and all sorts of weird shapes. We did make sure she saw photos of them wearing them so as not to hurt her feelings, but they never wore them outside the home. They were that bad, bless her!

i have only bought my grandson clothes once and that was because his mum was looking for long sleeved plain t-shirts that she could decorate for him. i have bought things for newborns but it has been nappies, wet wipes, cream, talc etc. included in the gift was always chocolates for mum. clothes buying is for parents. i think you need to be straight with both grans or you will keep having the same problem over the years. if you do end up with lot's of clothes then give them to charity or put them on a free website. good luck with your little girl.

That is so rude ?

Say thank you very much for any gift. Take a photo of baby in one of the outfits - then send the rest to the charity shop.

I was given sacks full of second hand baby clothes, none particularly wonderful but all practical. However there was far to much and it became a burden. It is fun baby clothes shopping as there are so many lovely clothes now, but equally, a waste of money if the baby will never wear them.
My MIL spent her time knitting cardigans and hats which were appreciated but timing is crucial regarding winter or summer otherwise baby will have out grown them. Best thing you can do I would say is tell them enough for now, you are snowed under and have no more room to store any more clothes. My MIL paid for nappies for her grandchildren’s first two years, a most welcome and useful present and from her point of view, very generous, as it was more valuable to me than to her, a couple of her little hand made things I still have though to pass on to my grandchildren.