Granddaughter showing preference for other grandmother and ignoring me

I completely agree with Lathyrus and Monica, you have to let them go.

I would hate for our GC to visit purely out of duty. We have given them the freedom to be themselves. We deem ourselves fortunate that they appear to enjoy our company.

I would be gutted

She's still your girl. But she's Australian gran's girl too, and soon to be back to long distance, which must be incredibly hard. Count your blessings.

My grandchildren have a totally different relationship with their other grand-mother. She is older, and not very sporty- so it is quite normal they see her differently. I hope that is OK for her- it is very normal. They love her very much, in a different way.

Yes, count your blessings.

I have two grand daughters who i adore.. Sounds like you. I live thousands of miles away but go and spend months with them. They have another grand mother who is in India who they havent seen for three years. I make a point of making videos of the girls sending messages to her to keep her in the loop. You need to talk to her mother and voice your anguish. The other grandmother will be going back soon so things will return to normal. Something new will take priority so just hand in there. Keep doing what you have always done. When you see them go and link arms with the other grand mother.

I think it’s wonderful that the GD is spending time with her Australian grandmother, you are very lucky that you have had 12 years of being close to her, so surely you can understand that your GD should spend some time with her other grandmother, I actually feel for her as she doesn’t see her very often, I think you are being unreasonable try and see it from the little girls side,

The title of your post showing granddaughter showing preference for the other grandmother and ignoring me, seems to be all about your feelings and not taking into consideration that your granddaughter should be wanting to see and spend time with a grandmother she rarely sees, just think about the little girls excitement seeing the other grandmother perfectly normal to me

Please do try to see that this is quite natural, especially if this is the first time your granddaughter can remember a visit from her other grandmother.

As others have said, there is a good chance of your and your granddaughter's relationship getting back to something like its old footing as long as you manage to conceal your hurt.

On the other hand, a girl of 12 is reaching the stage where she will naturally start to move away from family and other adults who have known her and whom she has known all her life, so you would be wise to accept that things are going to change.

Being widowed does make one emotionally fragile, especially if you only recently have lost your husband.

Try to make new friends and take up some new interests to lessen your loneliness - you neither can, nor should, expect your daughters and granddaughters to supply all your emotional needs.

I apologise if this comes over as unsympathetic - it is most assuredly not meant to, as I do understand why you are hurt, but I would hate to think you are storing up more hurt for yourself by taking a natural development of new interests in a 12 year old girl too much to heart.

Flora Rose has trusted us with her private feelings. Therefore it's wrong to scold .

There is no place for scolding when it happens on Gransnet , as frequently it does, that someone who is in emotional pain for whatever reason, seeks advice or help.

I am not referring to you Grandtante. Your reply is helpful.

Flora Rose has trusted us with her private feelings. Therefore it's wrong to scold
Not scold I agree. But gentle kind pointing out of other perspectives can help in processing feelings. .

I totally agree with this kinder comment. I've noticed on Gransnet that those who show emotional vulnerability get slammed, which I think is horrible and is a nasty trend on social media generally. Thought our generation might be better, but clearly we are not! I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, Flora, it must be so rejecting, and clearly you have a great emotional investment in your GD - and thereby hangs a tale. Children and grandchildren (especially these days) seem to have a sense of entitlement. Maybe this is because we've given them so much. Your GD sees you as someone who's always there, that she can rely on, whose caring for her is safe, and in a way it's a back-handed tribute to you that she feels she can ignore you! She knows you'll always be there! Obviously you would like her to phone YOU on the iPhone you bought, that's understandable, but of course you're there all the time and so you're not so exciting! That will change, and as she goes through life (a life in which she will inevitably draw further away from you) you will be a wonderful influence, a warmth that remains within her. HOWEVER, I do sense that you perhaps have too much invested in this girl, emotionally. You say you're a widow, and I expect you're lonely? Get out there and meet people, get close to friends (and even, dare I say, date?) and become deeply involved with people of your own age, outside the family, who will hopefully give you something back! It's hopeless to look to children and grandchildren for emotional fulfilment, for they so often disappoint (been there...) Try to feel happy that your girl feels free to ignore you - how she must trust you! The other granny will go back to Oz and things will go back to normal, but meanwhile PLEASE don't exert any emotional pressure, however hard this seems. Hope this soon works out!

I can absolutely understand how you feel, but please remember that children don't have the emotional subtleties of grown ups (some grown ups at least!) Your dear GD is showing love and affection to a Granny that she will hardly ever see, for a very short time, and she has the security of knowing that you are there, as always, loved and loving, albeit in the background at the moment. When the Autralian Granny goes home - missing her GD probably as soon as she leaves the house - life will surely return to normal, and that thoughtful child will turn her attention back to to you.

I’ve got two twelve year old granddaughters, I love them to bits, and love that they are best friends as well as cousins.

But I’m under no illusions, I know that they love me, but they also know I’m a soft touch, I heard one say to the other the other day, why don’t we ask granny, she’ll buy us anything, the other was a bit sceptical about ‘anything’ but the point is, twelve tear old girls are very materialistic, and if the other granny is going to be spoiling her rotten, she’s not going to say no thanks.

But let them both enjoy their time together, take a step back, don’t keep pushing yourself in and give them some space

She’ll come back

We get on really well with both of my grandkids other grandparents and are often out together. Sometimes they are all over the other grandparents, sometimes all over us Just the way it is. I have no doubt at all when our little tweenies get a bit older we won't even feature in their thoughts and am ok with that. Never a competition about who their preferences lie with more about being there for them. and loving them. In this case I too think its a phase. Your grandaughter will be loving the extra attention. As for the phone calls, have you rang her ? If not then the odd call, random photo or emoji might just do the trick.
Try not to upset yourself. I have grown kids who cast me aside sometimes..but the door is always open.

Madgran77

*Flora Rose has trusted us with her private feelings. Therefore it's wrong to scold*
Not scold I agree. But gentle kind pointing out of other perspectives can help in processing feelings. .

yes, surely that was the whole point of the OP.

Nanz. when you see them go and link arms with the other grand mother

Our just leave them alone to enjoy each other’s company as it’s not for long and….frankly stop being so childish

I think you need to leave them to it, don’t trail on behind feeling sorry for yourself, go an do your own thing for a few more weeks, and let them have a lovely time together

She will be back.

Stop being a drama grandma, her other grandmother came for a 2 month stay all the way from Australia, of course she would be more interesting than you are, after all your granddaughter sees you all the time and will continue to do so until she is old enough to travel to Australia and visit her other grandmother. She is 12 old enough to make her own choices.

For your granddaughter's sake, be grateful that she is able to develop a relationship with another loving grandparent. No child can have too many. Many are denied the experience

I can imagine this hurts. For me it’s the other way around and granny gets left out, while Nanny (me) is the best thing since sliced bread. I am very aware of it and I try to big up granny and encourage my grandkids to be very positive about her and toward her.
Don’t buy into the who loves who more thing, be glad she has a loving relationship with her other grandmother and that she knows that she is loved. After all it's your granddaughters feeling that matter most here, I would say.

I would not focus on it, or try to compete I would just be myself. I would be genuinely lovely to the other grandmother; I would be there for my granddaughter maybe spend some alone time with her if appropriate. Above all be there for her when her grandmother goes back to Australia maybe suggest you both go and buy grandma a card or a gift and send it to her.

Only another six years and she may be off to Australia (or elsewhere) on a gap year.

If you are a cheery person as you describe the other Grandma then she will stay close to you wherever she is. If you're possessive and clingy then she may not.

You should be happy that she has taken to the visiting grandmother. Surely they don’t get time together and as it’s a visit she will be going home. Of course she is cheery she is seeing her family that you get to to spend time with regularly. You are being possessive by the sounds of your post. I don’t mean to sound negative, but you should give them space and take time to pamper yourself or meet friends ect …

Well-said, smoothie!

smoothie

Where Flora said she doesn’t know what’s happening to her girl, I knew the moment that I read it that there would be comments picking that sentence apart. So, as that sentence has already been put under the microscope I’ll give my two cents and hopefully someone will hesitate from derailing this thread into another episode of ‘let’s assume the absolute worst of the original poster and then criticize them for it’.

Coming at this from a reasonable standpoint, Flora clearly said “my girl” as a term of endearment, as her dilemma has to do with the striking difference that she sees in her granddaughter, her granddaughter suddenly behaving in a way that is far from her normal, so there is “her girl” that she knew very well and now there is what appears to be another girl in her place who acts much differently than before. Hence Flora saying she doesn’t know what’s happening to her granddaughter. Of course, the change in behavior is completely normal as the girl wants to make the most of the limited time she has with this particular grandmother.

The unreasonable way to interpret the quoted sentence, the way that scolds Flora for her innocent choice of words to total strangers on the internet (and therefore comes with no baggage or existing hard feelings to give rise to the offense that an unreasonable people will experience after reading it), so the way that has already happened in this thread and will continue on I’m sure, assumes that Flora (or anyone else who says anything like “my [insert person]”) meant with 100% certainty that her granddaughter is HER girl and not anyone else’s girl, and definitely not the other grandmothers girl, that Freda is the sole rightful owner of her granddaughter and therefore no one else can have her. This manner of interpretation also comes along with years of off-putting rigidity, cold and calculated critics, and silently mouthed behind-the-back apologies on behalf of their loved ones for having to expose others to such a lovely person. .

Not every bit of phrasing needs to be dissected as if an alien would upon its strict by-the-letter understanding of the English language; ie without any nuance whatsoever.

Flora, I’m sorry you’re hurting. No need to worry though as she is still the girl you know her to be, and it’s good for her to connect with her other grandmother. It’s her trying to fit all the fun times she has with you year round into a small two month period with the grandmother she doesn’t get to see much. Be happy for her and most importantly support her, ask her how seeing her long distance grandma was, what was her favorite part of the visit, etc. She will be very thankful for it.

And remember, “This too shall pass”.

Bravo......I took it as a term of endearment too. Maybe a lot of people don't do terms of endearment.