Are we being unreasonable?

Rofl

What happens if there is an accident or he becomes ill? There might be occasions where it is necessary for you to seek outside help or to be able to move him away from the home. Hopefully there will never be the need to but surely it is better to have plans put in place and never need them. Good luck with sorting things out.

Oh dear

Personally I think it is best not to try and dictate someone else's parenting.

Otherwise they will just manage without that sort of input

Where can you go with the buggy at his house? Are there walks, woodlands, a garden? I would think it hard to be confined to the house with a toddler that age. I was out every day including lockdowns with my DGC - even in the rain. Jumping in muddy puddles is brilliant. We went to woods, throwing stones in river, seeing ducks, gathering sticks but I would have been very stressed not going out. I also have taken them to book bug in the libraries.

Honeysuckleberries

What happens if there is an accident or he becomes ill? There might be occasions where it is necessary for you to seek outside help or to be able to move him away from the home. Hopefully there will never be the need to but surely it is better to have plans put in place and never need them. Good luck with sorting things out.

That would prove quite difficult without a car seat!

if I was looking after the child all day it would be in my house not theirs!

Goodness Me ... Your Son and Girlfriend sound very selfish to Me... You let him have Your car for 18 Months.... I'm guessing You look after Your Grandchild for free so saving them money.
They expect you to get up early drive over look after him then drive home.... that's a long day especially during the Winter months.

It isn't fair but You already know that... :-(

I agree with your posts Fleurpepper. We see too many examples of GP's being dictated too and faced with unreasonable demands, who are afraid to say anything for fear of not seeing their GC at all.

They may find it's not as easy as they think to find someone who would adhere to their rules even if they were paying them.

I'm so shocked that people would call these parents names simply for loving and wanting to do the best for their child.

It's baffling to me.

Little wonder that relationships end up so tense

Depends on ones point of view doesn't it. It isn't always about wanting what's best for the child, sometimes it's about having absolute control which isn't necessarily in the best interests of the child.

It’s not advised that anyone buys a second-hand baby seat as the new owner will not know it’s history and could be risking their own child’s life.

I also had the same thought about an accident/sudden illness. A friend’s GS nearly died when some seeded bread lodged in his throat and swelled up. His mother got him into the car and to the local surgery within minutes, where they called 999 and had an emergency tracheotomy kit prepared for if he deteriorated further, as the ambulance had to come from miles away.

I think you are right to try and have a calm conversation about this Emma.

I do think that if you are going to look after your grandchild one day a week and his parents need/want you to do that then they have to trust you to care for him and to use your judgement. Otherwise they shouldn't leave him with you if they cant trust you!!

It is hard to see why they don't want him taken out without permission and it is hard to see that as trying to do their best for their child, in this context.

But unless you have a conversation, it wont be sorted. Ask them why they are requesting what they are and listen to their reasons,....and then tell them your perspective on that early start at their house, and your perspective on amusing a toddler all day indoors - pointing out perhaps how their toddler finds this difficult too as he loves to be outside etc etc.

Compromise is needed. But if they don't feel able to adapt to make things more manageable for you and probably more fun and relaxed for their child, then it isn't going to work and you probably have to say you cant do it. It is up to them whether they can manage without your help, presumably they cant keep taking leave!

Some posters are comparing apples and oranges- taking a kid to hospital for medical emergency looks nothing like daily errands

Personally, if my kid was taken to ER and no car seat was available - i would still be grateful, the car seat is secondary in this situation

I'm just wondering do they have any transport now you have your car back? If not could one of their problems be that you will be making too many journeys? There to pick him up, Back to yours and then the return journey in the evening. Are they perhaps worried about that?
Walks in isolated places can be fun for small children.

Would you still be grateful if there was a car crash and your child was killed by that, Hithere?

I would be more pissed if kid needed to go to hospital for an emergency and passes away because there is no car seat so they dont take kid

As a grandmother who has done a lot of childcare I’m wondering whether the child’s parents think than when the child is in your home you will be doing housework etc? Maybe they think that in their home you’ll have no choice but to concentrate totally on the child?

He's only 2½ and the grandparents only look after him (possibly) for one day a week.
I doubt they'd do the housework on that day.

I don't think your wants are unreasonable but it is their child, so they're not being unreasonable to decide how they want things to be.

If the arrangements don't suit, you can say that the arrangement doesn't work for you, and not do the day of child care for them. You are not obligated to take on arrangements that don't work for you.

I hope your conversation goes well and you can work out something that works for both parties. If not, don't feel bad if you need to step away from the regular sitting.

They have the right to dictate where a caregiver may and may not take their child.

You have the right to decide whether or not you're willing to agree to that. If the answer is no, then clearly you're not going to be able to provide childcare any longer.

It's really that simple.

Callistemon
I think you have something there, we know a young couple whose baby was born at the start of covid, and it seems he’s hardly been out of the door, it was so long before the grandparents could see him, that there doesn’t really seem to be much of a bond.

Their reaction is way over the top, but they can’t seem to loosen up.

For my part, I sometimes mention to my daughter what I’m planning to do with the children, but I don’t always plan in advance, we live in the same house, so obviously slightly different,

Obviously their may be genuine concerns, but I don’t think you are unreasonable at all, if you were a paid child minder, the child would have to fit in with your routine.

The advice that this needs a quiet, calm, face to face sit down discussion is the best way forward.

We did one day a week for 7 years till recently, when the youngest of 4 went to nursery school. We now do ‘emergencies’ and occasional holiday care. It’s been a joy but fortunately, our adult children have recognised it’s also a big ask. Long days with small children are much more tiring in our 70’s.

The ‘rules’ were - they’re in your care, you’re in charge. We bought car seats because switching the, between cars took time and effort. We bought second hand high chairs, or were given necessities like that by friends.

It’s dispiriting to see some posters simply saying ‘their child, their rules’. Grandparents are an unpaid army of free child care. The majority of loving families negotiate their way through this without falling out.

Iam64
I very much agree, before the children lived here, we always had car seats, high chairs, buggies etc.
We were also lucky enough to have a room we could convert to a playroom.
My oldest daughter who lives a couple of hours away, will sometimes have a few rules about what they can and can’t do when they’re staying here, but I don’t think I could put up with it all the time.
My youngest daughter has never questioned anything, and is always grateful.

I truly can't believe done if these replies, how some parents think they can coerce their parents. How anyone could say the son was being reasonable. He holds the winning card but it doesn't make it right. He had your car 18 months. That was so generous of you. He sounds very entitled and doesn't consider you are busy and juggling everything and that you are glad to but expect and deserve consideration.it's all about him.Are you expected to stay in his house and garden all day, are you not to be trusted to go a walk or do normal things. What happens if you have a problem? He has a big problem. I would find out his reasoning in all this , then decide if you can put up with it to see your gs. It's not gs fault his parents are this selfish. So I think it's not fair or unreasonable of you quite the reverse, yet you don't want to not see them and daresay in order for you have contact you will give in to their unreasonable demands. They've got you over a barrel.

Allsorts the replies are because we all see that the parents are being unreasonable.
But there is nothing the OP can do about it. She can talk to them but if they don’t change then she either puts up with it or tells them that she won’t look after the child.
I can’t see any posts agreeing with the parents.