Feeing left out

The previous posters who recommend speaking to the son are asking for big trouble. That is the perfect way to come between man and wife (a cardinal sin) and it also puts the son in a state of flux. He may be so exasperated as a new Dad that he will reduce contact still further to minimise the hassle and niggling. If DIL gets wind of your "quiet word" she will forever remember it as duplicity and won't lightly, if ever, forgive you.

gracie11
where Did You Find This Post From NOV 2022...

Yes the OP is Nov 2022

lemsip

gracie11
where Did You Find This Post From NOV 2022...

*Yes the OP is Nov 2022*

Rhere have been responses throughout 2023 into 2024.

Yes its tough, you poor thing. Im rejected on and off by my 2 year old GD. It hurts but all the advice seems to be time, space and just show love. Perhaps talk to your son if you think it will help. Good luck

My grandson is 6 months old. I understand the entire fourth trimester. The need for a Mum to be always near her newborn. Especially with breastfeeding. However, if a baby is bottle fed, there is more of an opportunity for others to help. As a paternal Grandmother, who is a widow, having a Grandchild has been a blessing.
I really don’t understand why my son is not allowed to take the baby out alone. I am allowed to visit their home and see my Grandson. But my son is not trusted to bring him to see me. My Dil has made it clear she does not like me. So she goes out while I visit. I don’t involve myself with their personal relationship or how they raise the baby. Her Mum does. Yet, since the baby was born I have felt left out and segregated. I voiced how pushed out I felt, and this has caused me being pushed away even further.
My son feels hurt that she does not trust him to take his son out alone to see anyone or even to the supermarket. It all seems a bit strange

Old thread, two years ago.

Kavvv68-

"Why do you choose one grandparent over another to watch your kids?'
There are so many reasons why they will choose to leave a child with one set of parents over another. There are things you may not even realize. Let me run down a few that I have heard in my 39 years of being a parent. I am not saying these are any that you do. It is just one of those parent decision things that I have always been curious about. I have asked this question many times to other mothers and even my own Bio-daughters who prefer me over another grandparent.
My Step-children don't leave their kids here with me & my husband, because we live right on the lake. That is okay. I get their fear even though I have eagle eyes on the kids when they are here and alarms for all doors.

I wouldn't be too hard on them or yourself. DIL will always prefer her mom over you if that is the road they have chosen. It is what it is. When I was a child, I never spent the night with one of my grandmothers because of some of the reason below, but I loved her anyway and enjoyed my day visit with her.

1. The are older and I don't feel comfortable.
2. They live near a water source, ie. Coy Pond, Swimming Pool, Lake, River.
3. Their pet growls, bite, threatens, is mean or ill behaved, but they don't see it.
4. Oh, the house is unsafe....busy road, smokers, unlocked cabinets, door open all the time, stairs, chemicals stored improperly.
4. The house is too cluttered, disorganized, dirty, pet hair everywhere.
5. They were harsh, strict, neglectful, hit or spanked someone as a child.
6. Known by parents or unknown abuse happened.
7. I just am not comfortable with the way they are with the baby. It is just a feeling.
8. I just won't consider it ever being an option...no reason given.
9. They have an adult child living at their home.
10. Baby is too young, but will consider later.
11. They are ill in some why...physical or mental

Instead of getting your feelings hurt, just wait about a year or so and then ask if there is something you can do or change so that the child can stay with you. I am actually a bit shocked that they are already leaving the baby as much as it seems they are. They must be itching to get out and about which isn't a great sign of things to come as far as I am concerned.