Missing grandaughter so much

Now I remember why I haven’t posted on here in over a year.

Non. Stop. Shenanigans. 🤣 😴

Rosie51

^the mother is “using her child as a weapon”.^ It is so blatantly obvious that the child IS being used as a weapon. Do you really assert that the child has been consulted on this, that the child has agreed "if daddy doesn't pay I don't want to see him or granny"? The mother is making this call, she alone is responsible for denying her daughter access to the daughter's father and grandmother. She is abusing her own child for revenge.

So, now the mother is an abuser?

GG65

Now I remember why I haven’t posted on here in over a year.

Non. Stop. Shenanigans. 🤣 😴

The last refuge of those who have no reasonable reply.

No. I’m serious. These are my first posts in over a year. I truly forgot the shenanigans are NON STOP.

GG65

Rosie51

the mother is “using her child as a weapon”. It is so blatantly obvious that the child IS being used as a weapon. Do you really assert that the child has been consulted on this, that the child has agreed "if daddy doesn't pay I don't want to see him or granny"? The mother is making this call, she alone is responsible for denying her daughter access to the daughter's father and grandmother. She is abusing her own child for revenge.

So, now the mother is an abuser?

Yes if she denies her child's wish for contact with her father and grandmother. What would you call this blocking of contact? There is no suggestion the "no contact" is child suggested.

I have more concern for a person who sees a child as a chess piece in a struggle between them and another

Again, it is the person saying it who sees the child as an object and is expressing that

There must be a better way

GG65 Why do you think the mother stopped contact? Was it because she suddenly thought daddy and grandmother were safeguarding risks? Or was it to "punish" dad for a missed child support payment? If you have one ounce of integrity and honesty you'll admit it was the latter which is using her child's access to her father as a weapon.

The shenanigans are indeed non stop lol

VioletSky

I have more concern for a person who sees a child as a chess piece in a struggle between them and another

Again, it is the person saying it who sees the child as an object and is expressing that

There must be a better way

The one using the child is the mother. See my post of 01.19 28 and tell me why the weekend visit was stopped. Safeguarding or punishment? Has to be one or the other!

Shenanigans indeed!

But no one knows that about mum.

Lovely grandma has been doing the majority of the work here and she deserves credit for it, not Dad.

Perhaps mum is tired of shenanigans and Dad not being able to take care of those responsibilities himself

It's a reasonable conclusion from OPs words

Also the determination to call children objects doesn't reflect well and is very off putting

And yet again VS uses "lol". Amazing what makes you "laugh out loud" I see only sadness for a little girl, her daddy and her grandmother, but you do you.

And again it is you doing it, we know nothing of Mum and OP to her credit hasn't described her grandchild as an object

Rosie51

And yet again VS uses "lol". Amazing what makes you "laugh out loud" I see only sadness for a little girl, her daddy and her grandmother, but you do you.

Laughing at the comments of others or my own jokes, not OP and not the child

Please don't come at me with your perception of who I am when we both know you are just trying to score points and there are no prizes here

Why do you think the mother stopped contact?

I’ve already tried to provide an alternative to the ”using her child as a weapon” viewpoint, but apparently any viewpoint that doesn’t demonise the mother is ”going off into supposition” and therefore invalid, and despite 9 prior pages of supposition about the mother’s intentions, only when someone tries to provide an alternative, less offensive viewpoint to “women think they have the whip hand and aren't afraid to crack it even if it hurts their child.”, only then is it supposition. Hilarious!

If you have one ounce of integrity and honesty

That is really a bit much.

Those who feel in cases like this that a child is being used as a weapon are expressing their point of view, just as those who disagree are doing.

The supposition on this thread is found in the disparaging comments made about the father.

Smileless2012

Those who feel in cases like this that a child is being used as a weapon are expressing their point of view, just as those who disagree are doing.

The supposition on this thread is found in the disparaging comments made about the father.

I’ve read 9 pages of supposition about the mother here, and very offensive comments, however, only when people start to question the father’s role, and comment about his role in the situation, do those comments become “supposition” and disparaging”.

Hilarious!

9 pages of supposition about the mother here really!!! We know from the OP that this father has missed a child support payment and as a consequence is unable to see his 5 year old D.

Supposition is a belief held without proof or certain knowledge; an assumption or hypothesis and posts of that nature have been made about the father, not the mother.

Smileless2012

^9 pages of supposition about the mother here^ really!!! We know from the OP that this father has missed a child support payment and as a consequence is unable to see his 5 year old D.

Supposition is a belief held without proof or certain knowledge; an assumption or hypothesis and posts of that nature have been made about the father, not the mother.

Supposition is a belief held without proof or certain knowledge

Exactly - you have no idea if the mother is “using the child as a weapon” because you have no idea what the history is here, or what has gone on in the past.

You assume the mother is “using the child as a weapon”, but on the information the OP provided about the extent she enables contact to take place between her son and his daughter, I see this a “straw that broke the camel’s back” type situation.

Why is my viewpoing “supposition” and invalid, whilst yours is not?

GG65

Smileless2012

9 pages of supposition about the mother here really!!! We know from the OP that this father has missed a child support payment and as a consequence is unable to see his 5 year old D.

Supposition is a belief held without proof or certain knowledge; an assumption or hypothesis and posts of that nature have been made about the father, not the mother.

Supposition is a belief held without proof or certain knowledge

Exactly - you have no idea if the mother is “using the child as a weapon” because you have no idea what the history is here, or what has gone on in the past.

You assume the mother is “using the child as a weapon”, but on the information the OP provided about the extent she enables contact to take place between her son and his daughter, I see this a “straw that broke the camel’s back” type situation.

Why is my viewpoing “supposition” and invalid, whilst yours is not?

If the GM is facilitating contact or not is entirely irrelevant. Would you rather the little girl didn't see her father? That apparently is what is happening anyway. If a father is unable to provide suitable accommodation surely a GMs house is better than no contact?

No I'm not assuming that the mother is using the child as a weapon, it is my opinion that she is GG65.

Rosie's asked that question too Glorianny but it's yet to be answered.

If the GM is facilitating contact or not is entirely irrelevant.

No, it’s not irrelevant. The majority of parents manage to maintain a relationship with their own child without needing this level of support.

Would you rather the little girl didn't see her father?

No, but the father has to want to see his child, doesn’t he. That involves making the effort to see his child - I wonder why the OP is so involved in facilitating contact - if she stepped back, would her son step up? I’m not sure.

If a father is unable to provide suitable accommodation surely a GMs house is better than no contact?

It might be better than no contact, but it’s certainly not an ideal situation, and it’s certainly not the norm.

Here we ago again with supposition the father has to want to see his child. That involves making the effort to see his child, and just because he spends weekends with the OP and his D, why assume that he doesn't want too and doesn't make an effort?

Do you agree then GG65 that the mother is wrong for preventing their D from seeing her father?

Callistemon21

sodapop

Yvonne57 if that is your granddaughter's real name you should consider having this post taken down. It's very easily identifiable.

Yes, I agree. It's an unusual name.

My son hasn’t got that much money he is at the moment out of work
But your DGD's Mum still has to house and feed her - presumably she needs that maintenance payment.

It is distressing for you but can you help him out and pay in the meantime and make sure he takes any job while he looks for something permanent?

But do it without enabling him - tell him it's a loan and he has to pay you back when he is earning again.

Do you agree then GG65 that the mother is wrong for preventing their D from seeing her father?
I agree with you Smileless.

It's not just the father and grandmother suffering here, it's the child too.

I never said I didn't have empathy for the Mother but I do think denying the child visits to her loving Dad and Grandmother is cruel and it is unnecessary
JaneJudge well said.

This has happened, apparently, because he was late with one maintenance payment, perhaps for the first time for reasons unclear to us, which he later rectified as soon as he could.

I'll re-post my earlier comments.

Some posters are trying to make it personal when most of us are looking at this objectively.

I argued with reasons why the father MAY be in the position he is in because immediately this post came up, suppositions were made against the father. I have no idea about his level of involvement but many of the posts about failing to provide a home, etc could have been made about my son on the strength of the information given. In reality, it was totally different but circumstances made it look like that.
The only thing we know for sure is that Mum has stopped access and we are told that it is because she isn't getting her maintenance. For me, that is weaponising the child because the child has no say and is being deprived of her father and wider family.
As a mother who was left on her own with 2 children without maintenance from their father and a lack of willingness to engage with them regularly to build a relationship, I have empathy with the mother's situation. However, I don't think stopping the access is the way forward unless the child is unsafe. I know there were things I did in desperation which did not help the situation at all but I hope I have learned from it so I now know that conflict is the worst thing to show the child. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person to put your child's needs first.
The other thing that has been spouted over and over again is that the Grandmother has taken on the lion's share. This is supposition. She may give them a place to stay and pick up the child. If that facilitates the parents access arrangements without rancour, that doesn't strike me as wrong. The son may well be doing all the work once the child is with him. Yes there are sons who lean on parents but we don't know if this is one of them.
We see so many posts about the cost of living and the struggles people are having but when it comes to a post like this, somebody has to be the fall guy. Maybe they are both struggling and neither are demons, just in a horrible situation that nobody can handle so the child becomes the fall guy.