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Grandparenting

Missing grandaughter so much

(445 Posts)
Yvonne57 Sat 11-Feb-23 12:04:25

Hi, I have been having my grandaughter stay weekends since she was born 5 years ago (apart from the lockdown) my son Luna’s dad comes to my house to stay the weekends she stays. It’s not possible for my son to have Luna stay at his bedsit.
We all have a special bond and Luna so looks forward to coming to stay. I go and pick her up, she is always so happy to see me.
Two weeks ago my son had missed a child maintenance payment so Luna’s mom stopped her coming to see us. Very upsetting. Two weeks later, my son paid Luna’s mom £50 on Wednesday. We couldn’t wait until this weekend came. Luna’s mom has stopped her coming here again as she wants another £100. My son hasn’t got that much money he is at the moment out of work.
We are distraught and dread to think how poor Luna is feeling. I need help on this 😢😢

lyleLyle Sun 19-Feb-23 18:47:35

Glorianny,

I am not sure what the point of your interactions with me are at this point. It’s clear you don’t either, hence the observation of your replies being a compulsion. Your replies are a choice. You have other choices, one being to ignore. You choose otherwise as if you simply can’t help yourself. That’s compulsion. Have a nice day! smile

Glorianny Sun 19-Feb-23 18:54:06

VioletSky

Furniture happiness is probably not as important as future happiness

Oh let's have happy furniture as well there is too muh misery in the worrld and a happy sofa could be comforting grin

Glorianny Sun 19-Feb-23 18:56:15

lyleLyle

Glorianny,

I am not sure what the point of your interactions with me are at this point. It’s clear you don’t either, hence the observation of your replies being a compulsion. Your replies are a choice. You have other choices, one being to ignore. You choose otherwise as if you simply can’t help yourself. That’s compulsion. Have a nice day! smile

It takes two you know. And I think my earlier observation about the last word was spot on. Still I do hope you understand now tha tall my posts are not for you.

lyleLyle Sun 19-Feb-23 19:10:39

Glorianny,

You keep mentioning having the last word. Clearly it’s a priority for you.

DiamondLily Sun 19-Feb-23 19:12:35

I think, like most things, you have to "be it to see it". Until you have become a grandparent, you don't really understand the emotional pull or how the relationship should be.

Of course, people adapt to loss, but it isn't easy.

Smileless2012 Sun 19-Feb-23 19:27:18

The relationship wasn't broken until they broke it VS and it's not a matter of assigning the worst possible motives. It is what it is and the circumstances of our estrangement are well documented here on GN as you well know.

We are not alone in having our family torn apart by the coercive control of an AC's partner, it happens all the time unfortunately.

If someone genuinely believed they had to estrange in order to protect their children, they wouldn't put in writing just a couple of months before doing so that they would never stop you from seeing your GC, because they know how much you love them.

That's so true DiamondLily and you have to be estranged by the child you love and as a result lose your only GC to understand the emotional devastation that brings.

Yes, people adapt to loss and no, it isn't easy but regardless of how well you adapt, the loss never goes away.

VioletSky Sun 19-Feb-23 19:34:38

Obviously your situation is not the same as OPs Smileless so what you feel about yours cannot be applied here

I think it would be healthier for you not to do that

There is not much to be gained for you from guessing a strangers motives

Smileless2012 Sun 19-Feb-23 19:45:10

I responded to your post @ 18.05 VS which was very obviously about my personal experience, so if you don't think it appropriate to talk about my situation on this thread, don't comment on my situation yourself.

VioletSky Sun 19-Feb-23 19:54:42

Smileless2012

Yeah I get that 1yleLyle, what I don't get is why you keep telling people that you're not interested and you don't want to interact with them, when you're interacting by telling them so.

No one has suggested that the OP tell her son that the mother of the child is using her as a weapon VS. No one has suggested that the OP tell the mother of her GD that's she's using her as a weapon. I and others have expressed our opinion that that is what she is doing.

I don't regard our GC as objects but have, and will always say that those children have been used as weapons by our ES and his wife.

Smileless it started here, I'm responding to you

I didn't say it was inappropriate to talk about it, I said it's quite different, am happy to talk to you about it

Smileless2012 Sun 19-Feb-23 20:04:02

It's your post @ 18.05 "which was very obviously about my personal experience" VS that I responded too.

VioletSky Sun 19-Feb-23 20:10:41

Smileless2012

It's your post @ 18.05 "which was very obviously about my personal experience" VS that I responded too.

Yes I was answering you Smileless, I forget to put names in at times but again it was you who brought up your personal situation to me

I really don't agree with describing children as objects and I really don't think it is healthy for you to view it that way

Hopefully those children are happy and supported well by the adults around them

Iam64 Sun 19-Feb-23 20:20:44

This thread is becoming unnecessarily combative and unnecessarily personal.
I founds The suggestion from VioletSky that disagreements be resolved in pm’s (my words) surprising. I’ve read about posters receiving unpleasant pm’s and that was my initial response. Why continue issues in pm?

Passive aggressive lol’s and have a nice day at the end of posts that clearly don’t intend to cause laughter or nice days add nothing positive to discussions.

Smileless2012 Sun 19-Feb-23 20:21:43

Yes I know VS you've said so several times, but when I think it's appropriate to refer to children as being used as weapons I will do so.

VioletSky Sun 19-Feb-23 20:28:58

Of course Smileless

I do not agree and I think it's in OPs interests to hear different views

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 19-Feb-23 20:36:24

I can’t believe posters are still slugging out their views on fairy stories like exhausted boxers. It’s unbelievable. Ffs just let it be.

Norah Sun 19-Feb-23 20:39:39

Germanshepherdsmum

I can’t believe posters are still slugging out their views on fairy stories like exhausted boxers. It’s unbelievable. Ffs just let it be.

Quite.

"Estrangement Bingo" - fill in the usual spots! grin

VioletSky Sun 19-Feb-23 21:09:14

Oh well, gotta keep the brain and conscience well oiled lol

Grannydream Fri 28-Jul-23 22:29:01

The child need to eat regardless of he is has a job or not.

Grannydream Fri 28-Jul-23 22:30:52

The child needs to eat regardless of if he has a job or not. Teach him to be an adult and take responsibility for his child. If he doesn’t work, then he can sell something.