Missing grandaughter so much

Children aren't objects
We know that. I think we all know that

That's why they shouldn't be used.

If mum were here and saying that she has stopped dad seeing the child until he pays his support..

I would not be comparing the child to an object

I would be saying "I know you are upset with Dad, I know you might be struggling financially and stressed out, but you have to put your child first and withholding contact won't just affect dad, it will affect your child too. Please reconsider and get CMS involved to handle the financial side of things"

Would Mum listen to being called cruel, a bad mother, or her child described as an object?

Doubtful

So this is why I object to it being said to people who may say that to Mum, create more animosity and worsen the problem.

You have a right to say what you wish of course but it's worth considering

I mean, you could just consider it and give it some thought....

I would be saying "I know you are upset with Dad, I know you might be struggling financially and stressed out, but you have to put your child first and withholding contact won't just affect dad, it will affect your child too. Please reconsider and get CMS involved to handle the financial side of things"

So would I though but I would most probably also mention the emotional impact withdrawing contact would have on the child. Of course when the child is old enough they can decided on the amount of contact they want or not.

Rosie51

lyleLyle you might want to consider vloging. It's a method by which you impart your especial wisdom that requires no acknowledgement of previous posts/wisdom and definitely no interaction with anybody else's opinions, let alone any meaningful debate. I understand it's the ideal platform for the egotist.

I’m sorry if you thought I was interested in your advice. Have a great day!

Exactly, so that's how we should advise OP...

Language matters and how they speak to mum to resolve this and they are going to have to speak to mum will make a difference to the outcome

That is a fact

Smileless2012

If you don't want to debate with other posters then don't respond to them 1yleLyle but this is how a forum like GN works.

As you say DiamondLily there's been criticism of the OP and the OP herself though goodness knows why. I've criticised the mother of this little girl based on what we know; she's stopped the her father and her GM from seeing her because of money.

The father's been criticised based on assumptions.

You have no control over what I do and you’ll just have to get over it. I never initiated any conversations with any of you. Take your own advice. I’m not interested in your thoughts. Have a great day!

actually you have mentioned that! I would post differently, it is true.

I suppose we all have levels of what we feel comfortable about posting or even doing/saying. I have it in my personality to call people out on things, at home and at work, even if that makes me unpopular but I feel boundaries are really important and when they are in place everyone knows where they stand - this applies to lots of things, not just contact for children. I acknowledge it isn't easy being in blended families and sharing contact

OK

Off to do something else now

Hope I've helped in some way

Glorianny

Surely the obvious thing to do if you believe a subject shouldn't be debated is to post your views and then leave and ignore any comments?

The fact is, what I do and say is not within your purview to dictate. Your inability to cope with this fact is your own problem. You can’t tell me when and where to post and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s amusing to me that you struggle with this fact. Have a great day.

Callistemon21

^Children aren't objects^
We know that. I think we all know that

That's why they shouldn't be used.

Children as objects is interesting, I've read such before on GN. Never seems to have happened, but differing opinions I gather.

When I remember any of our children, GC or GGC at 5 years old they have no notion of time, weekends etc - unless an adult forces the issue. I really think this post about a very few weeks is a non-issue

lyleLyle

Glorianny

Surely the obvious thing to do if you believe a subject shouldn't be debated is to post your views and then leave and ignore any comments?

The fact is, what I do and say is not within your purview to dictate. Your inability to cope with this fact is your own problem. You can’t tell me when and where to post and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s amusing to me that you struggle with this fact. Have a great day.

Wow lyleLyle for someone who claims to be good at relationships. you sure do have a problem with me don't you? There is nothing in any of my posts that names or castigates you. I can only assume that either you are one of those narcissistic people who see themselves as central to every comment, or perhaps you have an over developed sense of persecution. Either way you are completely mistaken, my comment was a general one which referred to any poster. But I'm pleased you have had a laugh it is good for you. Of course it may be that none of these things apply and this is yet another attempt to justify you having the last word. (Just imagine how you would struggle if you had a DIL like me )

Yeah I get that 1yleLyle, what I don't get is why you keep telling people that you're not interested and you don't want to interact with them, when you're interacting by telling them so.

No one has suggested that the OP tell her son that the mother of the child is using her as a weapon VS. No one has suggested that the OP tell the mother of her GD that's she's using her as a weapon. I and others have expressed our opinion that that is what she is doing.

I don't regard our GC as objects but have, and will always say that those children have been used as weapons by our ES and his wife.

I've actually worked with Family Courts.

They do not look kindly on a parent restricting contact because of financial issues. That's how it is.

They are there purely to serve the best interests of the child, not the parents.

Financial matters are dealt with in other ways.

Ideally, Dad needs to keep up the child support. Mum needs to stop with the stropping over contact vs finances.

Public forums, which this is, invite debate..

That's it.🙄

In a nutshell DiamondLily .

I'm sorry Smileless but I really don't understand why you view it that way

Those children are hopefully happy and secure with lots of adult love and support.

The best way to have a good relationship with the grandchildren is to have a good relationship with the parents

It's bad enough when parents can't communicate well and co-parent effectively but they are the primary caregivers, those who choose to have and create children and no one else has that kind of claim on a child and shouldn't see them as objects to be fought with or over

Sorry but that's what I think

These are little people, where is their say or their choice in their role here? They aren't pies to be divided into pieces, they are here for those who love them to come together in their best interests

Glorianny,

I am as indifferent toward whomever you are as I am your opinions on the OP. The only narcissistic behavior I see here is someone whom I never initiated a conversation with compulsively replying to everything I say, attempting to force debate on a disinterested other party. You are a random stranger on the internet. There is literally nothing you can assume or think about me that will be of any consequence whatsoever. Have a great day

Smileless2012

Yeah I get that 1yleLyle, what I don't get is why you keep telling people that you're not interested and you don't want to interact with them, when you're interacting by telling them so.

No one has suggested that the OP tell her son that the mother of the child is using her as a weapon VS. No one has suggested that the OP tell the mother of her GD that's she's using her as a weapon. I and others have expressed our opinion that that is what she is doing.

I don't regard our GC as objects but have, and will always say that those children have been used as weapons by our ES and his wife.

Smileless,

What you get or don’t get isn’t my concern. You can’t make me care about what you think. You can cope with that fact, or not. Makes no difference to me either way. Have a great day.

You can’t make me care about what you think.

I don't think anyone is trying to make you care about what we think. I find you totally incomprehensible and a bit deluded, and you don't have to tell me you don't care, I know you don't. Insincerely wishing those you interact with (despite your assertion you don't want to interact with anybody) "Have a great day" says so much about your character.

If people have personal problems they want to resolve with someone perhaps they could take it to PM before this thread is lost to the OP

Rosie51

^You can’t make me care about what you think.^

I don't think anyone is trying to make you care about what we think. I find you totally incomprehensible and a bit deluded, and you don't have to tell me you don't care, I know you don't. Insincerely wishing those you interact with (despite your assertion you don't want to interact with anybody) "Have a great day" says so much about your character.

And after all of that said, none of it matters to me. Have a great day!

I don't expect you to understand VS and I hope you never do because the only way you could would be to experience it.

Relationships are a two way street aren't they. You can't have a good or any relationship with your GC's parents if they don't want one with you.

That's the point isn't it. Our GC had no say and the OP's GD has no say either. I agree, that children are there for the ones who love them and there's a need to come together in their best interests.

Our ES and his wife were not, and are not prepared to do so despite how much we love our GC.

"We know how much you love ..... and wont stop you from seeing him"; but they did didn't they.

lyleLyle

Glorianny,

I am as indifferent toward whomever you are as I am your opinions on the OP. The only narcissistic behavior I see here is someone whom I never initiated a conversation with compulsively replying to everything I say, attempting to force debate on a disinterested other party. You are a random stranger on the internet. There is literally nothing you can assume or think about me that will be of any consequence whatsoever. Have a great day

lyleLyle if I am replying to you I will always quote the post I am replying to. If I am posting generally I will just post. I do hope that helps clear up your obvious misunderstanding. There is absolutely nothing compulsive about my replying and I'm certainly not trying to force a debate. To interact or not is entirely your decision. The fact that you think all my posts are aimed at you is your problem.

I think when you are at a stage where you can't communicate well, you don't really know the person any more. That leads to assigning motives that might not be there

You might be thinking your grandchildren have been weaponised (I still dont like that or think its healthy but hey ho) against you

They might be thinking that they are protecting their children from having any part in a broken relationship with people they cannot get along with.

Most people who estrange feel right to do so. Whether you agree they are right or how you feel about it doesn't change that at all, they felt strongly enough to walk away.

If you are looking to assign the worst possible motives to their decisions, it won't help resolve things with them and when you move past a place of wanting resolution, it won't help you to hold on to motives you cannot be sure of, that can only hurt you now... your opinions of their motives can't hurt them or impact them, they stopped hearing you.

So maybe some things need to be let go of, for yourself. It has nothing to do with them, it's your life and potential for furniture happiness that matters now

Furniture happiness is probably not as important as future happiness