Missing grandaughter so much

Since when wasn't every thread a debate VS? A debate is where there's an exchange of different opinions and points of view. No one's debating that the OP wants to see her GD, what is being debated is whether or not the mother is wrong for withholding the child for money, and whether the father is some how lacking.

I agree that children aren't objects so shouldn't be used as such. Real people under stress can be cruel and we don't know if the mother in this case is under stress do we.

I agree with you Jane and have also said I think it's cruel to withhold contact of a 5 year old from her father and as a result, her GM.

Exactly Glorianny. If you don't want too or think it inappropriate to debate on a particular issue, then don't and leave it to those who are happy to do so.

If dad or GM went to court with evidence that the mother had withheld contact because of money, that wouldn't go down very well with the court either VS.

Except I'm quite calm and not angry in my comments, I'm just trying to explain what I see that is concerning. Giving advice cones with responsibility and shouldn't be a knee jerk reaction.

I'm not gritting my teeth basically telling others to go away if they don't like it...

Which sort of makes my point doesn't it, about how to communicate politely without being insulting and putting anger and animosity aside for the sake of a child.

Smileless2012

If dad or GM went to court with evidence that the mother had withheld contact because of money, that wouldn't go down very well with the court either VS.

Mum or someone close to mum is not here to advise so there is nothing to be done about that.

Also, and I think maybe this is pointing out the obvious, keeping Dad calm will go in his favour

In every step towards seeing his daughter, keeping Dad calm will help him.

Well fwiw I am not related to the mum and if she was the mother of my grandchild I wouldn't be calling her any names. I think the behaviour is cruel, because it is.

The majority of people who've responded have done so calmly.

It's fair enough for you to try and explain what you find concerning VS and it's fair enough for others to disagree.

This is an anonymous forum. The OP hasn't been back and if she's still reading may or may not take on board any advice and/opinions that have been given.

You seem to be suggesting that the views posted that you don't agree with may be taken on board by the OP, to the detriment of resolving the situation.

You have no way of knowing if that may be the case, it may have the opposite effect.

So if a total stranger to the situation can't stay calm and support Dad to stay calm, how is that helpful?

If this case goes to court, let the courts make the judgements. That's their job. Let the courts decide if mum has the best interests of her child at heart. Let Dad explain his case in the correct language for going to court and not with angry outbursts which won't help.

Again, giving advice carries responsibility

It's a risk Smileless that I'm not willing to take in the interest of having a "debate" about people's future happiness and wellbeing

Let’s assume that the OP intelligent and discerning enough to select any advice that seems helpful and relevant.

OP is under stress though, people under stress make mistakes which is very normal and human but sadly very regrettable and can't be taken back

she says they are distraught, she doesn't say they are angry

Exactly

So best not to add anger to the mix

You've said a few times on this thread about how giving advice comes with responsibility VS. I have already said that I stand by the opinions I've expressed. I wont be alone in knowing the importance of advising responsibly, and would resent any suggestion that I don't.

From the little she has said the OP sounds distressed but rational. No reason to assume she’s not capable of dealing with things constructively as, again from the little she said, she has managed to do so far.

There is no hint of anger or blame in her OP.

That's a reasonable assumption Delila, far more reasonable than assuming that anyone posting a point of view that differs to your own, isn't acting responsibly.

Exactly so why give her reason?

People have brought double edged swords to this. One side sharpened with anger at a person whose motives they know nothing about and the other side sharpened with their resolve that they have a right to say what makes them feel better

I've got a sheild and the strength to hold it.

Remember how privileged you are to have opinions about this with no repercussions to you. OP is not in that position.

Most people on here are careful and responsible with the advice they give and try to base it on the information actually given by the OP.

The danger lies in assumptions not based on facts given.

I think the OP will recognise the difference.

In order for the best possibility for OP to have an objective view, I will continue to explain how to achieve one.

This is my primary advice

Perhaps you could do so VS without suggesting that opinions that differ to yours are irresponsible.

I'm not sure how I could

Everyone wants to sincerely help the OP, so I'm just suggesting how we could achieve that better

If suggesting fails then I'm clearly stating to OP, please stay calm in your approach.

I see too many relationships lost due to insults and anger when the situation calls for calm

Of course some are willing to sacrifice relationships to have their say... but I'm not

Well you're not alone there VS in not being willing to sacrifice relationships to have your say and once again, you appear to be suggesting that some posters on this thread are.

That's your perception, it is not mine.

I just say that because I've seen it happen many times in life

I was a child in a blended family and I'm now an adult in one. Adults using children as weaponry are not to be sympathised with, in fact the opposite is true. They need clear boundaries and they need to operate within the conditions of the contact arrangements. anything else isn't acceptable for the child who presumably has no idea why she isn't seeing her Dad and Gran. I'm perplexed as to why me posting that creates a hostile approach. Of course ideally the Dad should be seeking out immediate employment as there are plenty of jobs available at the moment.

Children aren't objects

There are other ways to express that as I have explained

People are entitled to express themselves as they choose within GN guidelines.