Grandson visit with girlfriend

at the risk of being dull, sex with a minor is illegal, and so your grandson could, in theory, be prosecuted and be put on sex-offenders' register - worth thinking about.

I am shocked. Not because two youngsters of 16 and 15 respectively have asked if they might pay you a visit, and both sets of parents have agreed.

But because you do not seem to trust your grandson, who himself volunteered the information that he would sleep on the sitting-room sofa and his friend in the spare room.

Obviously, your grandson knows that you would not countenance them sharing a room, which would be illegal, as surely the age of consent is 16 in the UK? He respects your views, and doubtless his parents have filled him in as to when it is legal to have sex with a girl and when it is not, whether or not either of these two have got that far.

Can you not trust him to do as he says, or the judgement of his parents? Presumably you do not know this girl or her parents, so you cannot know whether you can trust her to behave herself or not.

I can think of no way you can refuse this visit without causing grave offence, and perhaps even put an idea into two young heads that as yet hasn't come there naturally.

You're presuming they're already having sex. What if they aren't? What if this is totally innocent? Have you actually asked his Mum if they're in a sexual relationship?
I wouldn't be happy about them sharing a bed, but separate floors sounds ok. I don't think I'd sleep much though, listening out for creaky stairs/floorboards 😆

Crazymazy , your grandson sounds lovely wanting to come and stay with you. Surely he would respect your wishes and stay on the sofa ? If you think he wouldn’t then I would say no purely because the girl is under age .

It does seem morals and principals are forever being pushed back. Where is the respect for oneself. I personally wouldn't be comfortable with the staying over arrangement whether the girlfriend's parents approve or not, they obviously don't set boundaries which is not in the best interest of the girl, being only 15. I would not be swayed.

I’m afraid it’s a no from me. I’m pretty easy going, but at 15yrs old she is still classed as a minor.

Does the girlfriend stay over at your DDs at all, say following a night out at a party? Your DD would be able to attest if they stay separate on those occasions with no wandering about
Is it usual for your GS to visit and stay on his own? If not, I'd be wondering why they fancy a joint visit . Is it just to get away from family? If the visit is only for a couple of nights I'd be surprised if any shenanigans is anticipated. You know your GS and even though the girl is 15 I'd go with your instinct. DGS could be bringing a 15 year old male friend, would there be the same anxiety about him being underage?

Pinkhousegirl

at the risk of being dull, sex with a minor is illegal, and so your grandson could, in theory, be prosecuted and be put on sex-offenders' register - worth thinking about

Seems some people have the boy guilty of rape before there is any evidence of even the intent.

What is your gut feeling? You sound uncomfortable with the idea.
Technically you are in loco parentis.
Maybe the girl wants to be with him but does not feel ready for sex. She may feel coerced into something she doesn't really want if the parents are trying to be so modern about it all.
From a legal point of view your grandson could find himself in a very difficult police interview for knowingly having sex with an under-age girl.
If the couple fall out the girl could report him to the police and then you would also be in trouble for knowingly allowing
this offence to take place in your home, It is not unknown for girls to lie and say they did not consent or to blackmail a boy to stay in a failing relationship by threatening to report him for rape.
Boys are as vulnerable and at the mercy of young girls when things go wrong. It is so much more of a minefield these days.
If this holiday goes ahead then strict boundaries should be in place to keep everyone safe. The girl should have the privacy of a bedroom to herself. Your grandson should sleep on the sofa. Your house, your house rules. You could insist that both sets of parents explain your values to their off-spring and say that while you would love to have your grandson to stay and also his girlfriend , you do not want to have embarrassing conversations with them about such a delicate matter. So it will be clear to them that it would be completely unacceptable for them to have sex in your house. Think back to when you were a teenager, how would your grandmother have reacted if you had asked her to condone what is currently being proposed under her roof? I suspect that you would not have dared to even ask such a question, let alone do it.
You may think that my examples are extreme. Sadly they are not.

I would not be happy with this.
I'm no way a prude, but 15 is underage regardless of who gives permission.

They're only coming to stay. They've already worked out the separate sleeping arrangements so why all this fuss that they 'might' have sex? They almost certainly won't, not in your house with you padding around and listening in!

Pinkhousegirl

at the risk of being dull, sex with a minor is illegal, and so your grandson could, in theory, be prosecuted and be put on sex-offenders' register - worth thinking about.

They're only coming for a visit. They've specified separate sleeping arrangements. Why over-dramatise and turn it into something it isn't?

Exactly Paperbackwriter. Also implying that neither has any respect for their parents , grandparents or themselves.

Perhaps this lovely grandson just wants to bring his girlfriend to stay with his GM for many reasons other than sex!? Talk about guilty until proven innocent. After all this dissection of his private life, whether under age or not Id stay well away if I was him. What happened to trust? Just make the boundaries clear or , I suppose, you could always booby trap the spare room door should anyone dare to open it after the 9 o clock curfew and lock him in the sitting room until breakfast time? Perhaps they just want to spend family time and play scrabble with his old Granny (rather than strip poker which most if you imagine is going to happen). 🙄

At 58 I consider myself to be a modern mum and grandmother, however , when my Son and Daughter were both University students at 18/ 19 they were in stable relationships, this was 15 or so years ago, I used to allow them to bring their partners home for the weekend now and again but to be honest I was never really comfortable with it maybe being brought up with Irish Catholic beliefs had a lot to do with it. When my grandchildren get to 16 there is no way i would agree to such a visit and I know many of my friends would be the same.

I haven't read everything, but do they both currently stop at each others houses now? If so then the parents would surely have had a word .... and are fine about it?

For god's sake! I wish people would read the whole thread before they wade in! If they did they would see that all of their questions have been answered and the OP has now made a decision. A very sensible decision in my opinion

As a Grandparent to 2 16 year old boys, who both have 15 year old girlfriends, I feel reasonably qualified to comment.

Honestly, they probably just want to hang out together. YOU are the one with the problem and issue, by 'presuming' they will sneak about while you are asleep. Generally, they will watch TV, eat some snacks, scroll on their phones, and sleep.

The negativity from you Grans is really horrible to read. You sound like a bunch of old-fashioned judgemental people, with pursed lips, acting like your own parents. Times have changed, kids don't need to sneak around any longer, risking the wrath of their parents in the 1960's.

And so what if they did cuddle up on the sofa, do you REALLY imagine they are going to horror of horrors, have sex with their moralistic Grandparents in the house? I don't think so.

the girl's parents said yes so they must trust her and your grandson, have you thought that maybe your grandson wants to spend time with you and maybe for his girlfriend to get to know you, as for having sex, do you really think that they would pick granny's house, if he is a nice boy i don't think he would want to upset you, there is plenty of other places if they want to do that. i am 60 but i am not old fashioned as the world has changed and young people do things different these days so either have them stay or tell them no and tell your grandson you don't trust him to stay on the sofa.

I stayed with my grandparents regularly with my boyfriend. We were both 16. We also had some holidays with his grandparents. We never even educated the thought of having sex in their house! We're 62 now and still have lovely memories of those visits. If my grandson wanted to stay over with his GF and sleep on the sofa I'd be thrilled that they actually wanted to be with me. My grandkids are still young at 12, 9 and 3 but I would trust them in the future if they asked. You have to have trust.

eddiecat78

For god's sake! I wish people would read the whole thread before they wade in! If they did they would see that all of their questions have been answered and the OP has now made a decision. A very sensible decision in my opinion

Too much to ask, eddiecat.

eddiecat78 For god's sake! I wish people would read the whole thread before they wade in! If they did they would see that all of their questions have been answered and the OP has now made a decision.

👏 Indeed.

eddiecat78

For god's sake! I wish people would read the whole thread before they wade in! If they did they would see that all of their questions have been answered and the OP has now made a decision. A very sensible decision in my opinion

Ver sensible, but sometimes on just hasn't got the energy especially when they can't see very well ... I apologise sincerely for upsetting you ....

I think that my nocturnal visits to the loo might be rather more frequent while they are visiting! Nothing more frightening than seeing Nana in her nightie! 😊

Oh, and I had just had the notification about the thread, so assumed, albeit wrongly it seems that it was a new one!