Am I being ‘old fashioned’? Our 16 year old GS has asked to come and stay during the summer holidays with his 15 year old girlfriend. But we only have one spare bedroom. He said he will sleep on our sofa in the lounge. We do allow grandchildren to sleep on the sofa when other family members are staying. His Mum, our DD, says she has checked with the Girlfriend’s family and they are OK with her staying. But I feel uneasy and wish they were a little bit older, certainly over 15, before actually staying as the responsibility is falling on us. Am I being unreasonable and ‘old fashioned’? My DH says if the parents are happy with it then we should let them come and stay. What would you do?
Well done! You know your own grandson and what works in your family.
Glad you have reached a comfortable decision,and I hope you all have the very best time in each others company.
For what its worth I would also make the same decision.
I think you've made the right decision for the right reasons, CrazyMazy. Enjoy your grandson's stay.
Definitely the right decision. I also found my grandchildren to be respectful of me and my home. Trust is very important within families.
Enjoy, CrazyMazy
Lovely opportunity.
CrazyMazy I now feel that this is an opportunity we cannot miss and am really looking forward to their visit.
Well done - a decision suited to you. Do have a lovely visit!
I am so glad I reached out with this post and it has been so helpful to read all your comments. Thank you to those who have obviously given a lot of time and consideration to my dilemma. I now feel more confident in our decision to agree to have these young people to stay. I also agree that our Grandchildren tend to be more respectful when we are around.!
Hope you have a great time together
Thank you’
If children are brought up to show respect and are treated with it in return they will know how to behave. Have a great weekend with them.
Your house, your rules.
Sex with a child under 16 is illegal. No discussion. You’d be complicit in rape.
I’ll be totally honest, I don’t know ! Mainly due to their young ages and yes I know people lose their virginity at this age, and it’s not just this generation either, I’m 64 and two girls I knew well were pregnant by 15 and one of my besties was having sex at 13 ! I was a bit of a late started and didn’t have full sex until I was almost 19 and in a “relationship” It’s your house and if you feel uncomfortable about this then it’s your call, just be open and honest with your grandson as to your reasons why.
I do think though to think people should wait until after marriage to have sex is a shocking idea, sec plays quite a large role in marriage and what if you’re not compatible ? Maybe I’m just a loose woman !
Sex not sec !!
Some of you sound like you’re living in the 19th century, not accepting sex before marriage. How old fashioned. I totally accept that definitely sex with a 15 year old or younger is taboo and rightly so. However with people getting married later than in our day they are certainly not going to wait until their 30s before enjoying the joys of sex. Not if they are normal, healthy people.
I wouldn't want to be responsible for them either. Let them stay with the parents if they are happy about it.
I don't understand why the first thing people's minds have gone to is sex. Why not worry that they are going to take drugs? Or rob a bank?
A visit to grandparents is not a romantic location for a 'first time', and if they are already having sex (which they may very well not be) I'm sure they can wait a few days.
Glad you have reached a decision if it were me I'd be leaving bedroom door open and to be honest my frequent night-time toilet trips would be enough to stop any shenanigans other than that have a lovely time together
I'd be leaving my bedroom door open and a ring of bells attached to his bedroom door lol.
I sure they will be sensible and grateful.
Enjoy the visit.
Probably just like asking can he bring a friend, any friend. He knows his friend gets the bedroom and he gets the couch.
Let him know you trust him.
In my experience, when you let young people know you trust them they will try to live up to your expectations.
You GS will be on the sofa, the young lady in a room. The question now is - do you trust your GS? My son asked for his first girlfriend to stay, he was 17 she was 15. Each had a room, and there were no issues. In fact when they reached 18 they asked permission to share a room, but only for company. My son slept on top and his lady inside the bed. They both assured me they went no further until they were in their 20s. Do you trust your GS.
hicaz46 Some of you sound like you’re living in the 19th century, not accepting sex before marriage. How old fashioned.
I admit I'm 'old fashioned' - far preferable to 'modern' regarding teen sex and resulting problems. 'Old fashioned' suits me well.
Annanan
Sex with a child under 16 is illegal. No discussion. You’d be complicit in rape.
No, you wouldn't. If you have provided sleeping arrangements, you will no more complicit in rape than allowing them to go out and about together where they may get it on in a field!
We had this situation with our son. I spoke to the father and pointed out that I could provide separate sleeping arrangements on separate floors but I would not promise to lie awake all night to police the arrangement. I did have a dog sleeping between them whose nails would click on the laminate floor as he greeted anybody wandering about which would wake me up though.
However, the main conversation I had with my son was about the issue of trust and the responsibilities he had to ensure that he didn't break that. I'm not naive, I know how strong the drive is for hormonal teenagers but I thought it far more important to talk to him about the implications of an unwanted pregnancy for both of them. They were both young people with ambitions for University and good careers so I hoped that they would be careful and my husband had already put a jar of condoms in my son's bathroom to ensure that he always had access to them. I know some would consider this encouraging him to have sex but we wanted to ensure that he was not only safe from unprotected sex but also from any nasty STI's going around.
Yes trust the parents . My sons had their girlfriends to stay at that age and nobody got pregnant and the parents knew but the girls very sensible as well as basically my sons . A few of the ex girlfriends are still family friends and parents still in contact . But I would still be cautious and definitely want to know the girls parents were ok with it . May never happen as all my grandchildren live away now but I do have 4 lovely grandsons and one lovely granddaughter all 8 and under . Hope I am around to see them all reach 16 !
Annanan
Sex with a child under 16 is illegal. No discussion. You’d be complicit in rape.
Oh for goodness sake !
Enjoy the young people’s visit. I’m sure they will appreciate your hospitality and trust.
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