Husband doesn't want me to look after grandchild once a week

"Anyway I don’t propose to post further on this thread because my idea of honouring obligations seems light years away from others’."

Not all others

I have no idea how many different kinds of business partnership there are GSM, that’s why I’m asking you what sort this is.

It seems a reasonable question as you say that the OP is legally in partnership with her husband, and this should affect her decision regarding spending a day a week with her new grandchild.

Just found this thread. I agree with the great majority who have commented. My daughter takes care of her grandchildren (ages 2 and 1) one day a week, to give her daughter a chance to work full time on her job. Several other days of the week, the kids are in baby care near home, an excellent "baby school" and the rest of the time, home with Mom or Dad. It seems to work out fine for them.

I can't imagine my son-in-law objecting to his wife doing this, given how much pleasure it gives both her and the babies. Your husband sounds like he has some serious emotional issues. And as others have said, he has absolutely no right to make this decision for you.

I was in a similar position when my daughter had my 1st grandson and my husband (not my daughters dad) was extremely jealous of anything I did for them both. I told him not to make me choose between them as he would lose and if he didn’t want me spending any time with them he should leave. She was my only child and would always come first. Things changed immediately after that and he accepted things for what they were. My daughter has since passed away with cancer. He now accepts the grandchildren as his own.

If I was OP I'd go. What difference will 1 day make?!. What's he renovating the Taj Mahal?. He's a grown man he, ll adjust.

Just to clarify and add some detail, my husband was already running his business before I retired. When I retired I offered to help out as I had no other commitments.
I have a pension and receive no salary from his company.

He was running his business before she retired.
She offered to help out.
She receives no salary from his company.

A one-sided partnership, very strange.
She does what she does through good will, although the family finances may benefit from her input.
She is under no obligation to help out.
His attitude seems churlish.

Delila

I have no idea how many different kinds of business partnership there are GSM, that’s why I’m asking you what sort this is.

It seems a reasonable question as you say that the OP is legally in partnership with her husband, and this should affect her decision regarding spending a day a week with her new grandchild.

I'm genuinely curious about that aspect too. As I've said earlier in the thread, my husband runs his own business and I 'help out', both on a practical level at times but also doing all the administrative side of things. I've never entered into any kind of legal contract, my name isn't on any paperwork - am I 'legally in partnership'? I don't think so. To all intents and purposes, it is his business. Perhaps that's the nature of the arrangement the OP has with her husband too.

No fighting but just explaining the benefits. Looking after a grandchild is such a joy. Little girls can win over the grumpiest Grandad with one smile!! One day a week isn’t a lot.

Just do what you want to do. Grandchildren grow up quickly.
Family, your daughter, is important.

She doesn’t get any wages so how can it be a business partnership it was his business while she was out in the world working herself and she offered to help out when she retired he’s not paying her a wage so of course she can take time off if she wants to she’s not in a business arrangement she’s doing voluntary free work out of the goodness of her heart

Blimey lady, take your day off and spend it helping someone whose going to appreciate it , and have a special day with your little one

I used to be the same, allowing my second husband to dictate how much time l spent with my children, we even moved to the other end of the country so he didn't have to share me, l got older and wiser, when the grandchildren started coming l insisted we move back down, if we got invited round and he didn't want to go, l went on my own, he was very good to me and l loved him dearly but he wasn't running my life anymore.

The OP obviously puts her grandchild first and loves her much more than she loves her partner, to the extent that she’ll choose one day a week with her over her marriage

That's a bit dramatic, Lathyrus!

Successful marriages are just that because both partners are prepared to compromise.

He is forcing her to choose between him and a baby for just one day a week. It's not just about the business, it sounds like childish jealousy.
If he cannot compromise then he may have to sulk like a child.

We don't know how long Su51nan and her DH have been together - if a relatively short time then perhaps they don't know each others' children very well, as they don't sound close.

My husband owns his business, I do books (for the Accountant), manage contracts, and do admin. I'm not paid, never occurred to either of us, profits at years end are what we live on/ eat . We both eat and live here.

Seems to me OP needs to figure out if what she does in her husband's business can be out sourced, if he is counting on her help, and though retired - if they need the income/profits to live properly.

I'm one to put the couple first (marriage and all that) and children/GC second. There are many GC years ahead - or there have been for us.

If you want to do this and your finances won't suffer then DO IT. I wouldn't give up my weekend either and I was a bride in the Fifties when wives may have behaved differently. Be calm and remind your husband that this is something that will last only a while and that it will bring you happiness.
Commitment? Your husband promised to cherish you ; that's commitment also!

Callistemon21

^The OP obviously puts her grandchild first and loves her much more than she loves her partner, to the extent that she’ll choose one day a week with her over her marriage^

That's a bit dramatic, Lathyrus!

Successful marriages are just that because both partners are prepared to compromise.

He is forcing her to choose between him and a baby for just one day a week. It's not just about the business, it sounds like childish jealousy.
If he cannot compromise then he may have to sulk like a child.

We don't know how long Su51nan and her DH have been together - if a relatively short time then perhaps they don't know each others' children very well, as they don't sound close.

I'm with you on that. The whole thing sounds to like as if he is jealous of her relationship with her daughter and the baby - because it's not HIS. And that is what concerns me. When he says spending more than a few hours a week with the baby means 'her life revolves around her' - to me that sounds like he wants his wife's world to revolve around him.

I worked with my DH on his long established family business. I worked on the business part time and from home doing office work. I was paid monthly and with expenses I gave up independent job opportunities to work with my DH. I would not have done it unpaid it was a lot of responsibility.

LTB.

Blondiescot

Callistemon21

The OP obviously puts her grandchild first and loves her much more than she loves her partner, to the extent that she’ll choose one day a week with her over her marriage

That's a bit dramatic, Lathyrus!

Successful marriages are just that because both partners are prepared to compromise.

He is forcing her to choose between him and a baby for just one day a week. It's not just about the business, it sounds like childish jealousy.
If he cannot compromise then he may have to sulk like a child.

We don't know how long Su51nan and her DH have been together - if a relatively short time then perhaps they don't know each others' children very well, as they don't sound close.

I'm with you on that. The whole thing sounds to like as if he is jealous of her relationship with her daughter and the baby - because it's not HIS. And that is what concerns me. When he says spending more than a few hours a week with the baby means 'her life revolves around her' - to me that sounds like he wants his wife's world to revolve around him.

to me that sounds like he wants his wife's world to revolve around him

It's not healthy to be joined at the hip 24/7 with no other interests.

No, it's not.

You will regret it if you allow him to bully you into not having your grandchild. It’s your first one, he should be supporting you and encouraging you to build a close nanny relationship with her. You know he’s in the wrong otherwise you’d wouldn’t have asked advice. Please just let him fester and enjoy being a nanny.

Callistemon21

^The OP obviously puts her grandchild first and loves her much more than she loves her partner, to the extent that she’ll choose one day a week with her over her marriage^

That's a bit dramatic, Lathyrus!

Successful marriages are just that because both partners are prepared to compromise.

He is forcing her to choose between him and a baby for just one day a week. It's not just about the business, it sounds like childish jealousy.
If he cannot compromise then he may have to sulk like a child.

We don't know how long Su51nan and her DH have been together - if a relatively short time then perhaps they don't know each others' children very well, as they don't sound close.

Well it’s what the OP said.

He’s not forcing her to chose. He’s said he’s unhappy with the arrangement she’s proposed. That’s all he’s done in her own words.

She’s the one who’s said that if he continues to be unhappy about it she’ll make a choice. So basically he has to agree with everything she’s decided and be happy and positive about it or she’ll leave.

That’s OK. I’ve already said she should go ahead and do what she wants. But it’s not him that’s exerting the control.
It’s the person who says my way or the highway.

Like I said if it was him saying I want to spend a day with mates and I the weekends catching up with work and if you’re not happy with that I’m leaving, everybody would be saying how selfish.

But that’s just what the OP is saying.

He is being very controlling and should be happy for you to have a close relationship with your grandchild.
I have looked after all my grandchildren (at different times!) for one day a week and love just how close we are. You will regret it unless you stand up to him, it is not for him to tell you what you can and can't do.

It seems to me both sides have rapidly taken up their positions, without having time to discuss and reach a compromise.

I can’t agree with those who think their lives revolve around their children and grandchildren at the expense of their relationship with their husband. Nor with those who think it is not possible to build a bond with a grandchild unless you look after them for at least one day a week. I worked full time when my grandchildren were young and just helped out in the holidays or an occasional weekend, but that didn’t stop us having a very close bond.
Several compromises have been suggested, and without fully understanding the nature of the business or the need for the hours the OP puts in, I would hesitate to suggest a solution. But there is plenty of food for thought. My husband and I each had two children from previous marriages and I think it does make a difference. There cannot just be “my way or the highway “ in these relationships.

Somebody tell me what he has done to “control” the OP. All he’s done is say he’s not happy with the arrangement she’s proposing.

She can do what she wants. He’s not doing anything to stop her. He’s just unhappy that she doesn’t want the life they’ve both been happy with any more.

He’ll get over it. But he’s not bullying or controlling. She’s the one one who’s saying “what I want or I’m leaving”.

I really can’t understand why people think he’s controlling. It’s the OP that’s issuing the ultimatum.