Second Marriage & Grandchildren

I wouldn’t dampen down my enthusiasm, he is being unreasonably petty to not let you enjoy the thought of your new Grandchild, he should be pleased for you, not act like a jealous idiot.

I hope you will have the whole family and baby to stay with you so that you can enjoy the experience without your husband acting up and trying to control you.

Don’t allow him to dampen your enthusiasm he sounds like a spoilt jealous man and the baby hasn’t arrived yet. It’s enough to make you go right off him if it was me I would be telling him to grow up or move to the coast on his own.

At the ages all your children are there are quite likely to be more babies in the not too distant future, from his side as well.
It'll be interesting to see how he reacts then... 🤔

Your husband sounds as though he is jealous of the new baby - which is ridiculous. Don't let his unreasonable behaviour stop you from being excited at the new baby's arrival. Nip this in the bud. He needs to grow up.

Thank you for replies, they made me smile, nice to hear from straight talking people. My Daughter in law (to be) mother is just as excited, she was saying that maybe we could all go on holiday in the future etc….i told my husband and he said no way, which is fine as I would go anyway. I think we work very well as a couple but not so good as a complete family as compromises have to be made.

I got terribly excited when we knew that our DS and DDiL were expecting their first baby. This was 18 years ago.
I can remember starting to knit and to acquire duplicate equipment in case they came to stay!

I don't recall DH bring nearly so obsessed. He was a lovely grandpa when the time came.

What I'm saying is maybe your DH isn't jealous, he just thinks you are getting over excited.

Congratulations. I hope everything goes well.

In a similar situation to you and my grandchildren took ages to work out that my DH was not actually related. As far as they are concerned he's their grandad and they are his grandchildren. I don't see why you should hide your feelings. I'm guessing that maybe he's a bit jealous.

I just think he has had you all to himself so far and doesn't want to lose it.
As the family grows yes compromises of all sorts might have to be made!

I can sympathise so much. My OH gets really confused why his mates DGC get in the way of the boys social events. I keep telling him if mine lived near enough I would be doing the same, doing the school run, taking to after school activities, child minding helping with the garden etc. It really saddens me that I am too far away to see them more than 4 x a year. I plan to take us all on holiday next year. As my parents did with me and my kids, it will be so much fun. If DOH isn't up for it he can say at home on his own. In fact that is how I would prefer it if I'm honest.

He sounds like a naughty little boy who wants his Mummy all to himself. Hopefully he will change- does he have children himself ? Bear with it, it is early days and he hasn’t ‘met’ the little one yet.

He his being childish and unfair! Don't allow him to dictate your relationship with GC.

Your DH may well be won round once the baby arrives. Men aren't so excited by pregnancies but it's different when the baby arrives. Fret not!

He sounds as if he is afraid of having competition for your love. I can imagine him sitting in a corner sulking away when they bring your grand child to visit. This is your son, your grandchild and if your husband does not like it then hard luck.

He’s afraid of more of my time being dedicated to something other than ‘us’ I imagine. Plus as this is my son’s baby and not his, he won’t feel the same. He’s jealous of my boys, and also the time I spend with my dad as he has mild dementia. I think it’s also a case of me always looking out for someone else and he’s hoping that in the future we retire, move away and do our own thing. I suppose that never ends. I think you are right when you say wait and see when the baby arrives. My DIL mum will be living closeby and is retired, so she will be around to help with baby too, plus I will have someone to jump up and down and be excited with!!

My mother-in-law's second husband wasn't very family minded, whereas she always had been. Her three children largely ignored his grumpy behaviour.

Ironically when he himself was ill and dying it wasn't his own sons that rallied round, it was hers... 🤨

“Blood’s thicker than water” comes to mind. I hear this a lot from friends who have so-called ‘blended families’. Sometimes they have an awful lot of navigating of emotions and expectations to deal with. I’m sure your situation will sort out just give it a bit of time.

As others have said, even if the pregnancy was in his family, men generally don’t get that excited about it, or small babies, it doesn’t follow that as time goes on they won’t change.
Whilst I was pleased when my daughter became pregnant, it didn’t change my life, I carried on working f/t and welcomed the baby, but she slotted in, so nothing much changed.

Having grandchildren is a wonderful experience, especially the first one and I do hope you aren’t deterred from enjoying the experience. I think I would have a frank discussion with my husband if I were you because I think his attitude is a red flag and it needs addressing, jealousy can be very destructive over time.

Your husband sounds a bit insecure but I’m sure when the baby arrives he will be fine.

he is overthinking the whole situation I think, and scared that he won't have the future he was hoping for.. But situations change and we have to adapt.. You probably won't be moving, and he may have grandchildren himself at some point.. Having expectations never works really.. tell him to just enjoy going with the flow!!

Some helpful responses here as usual. I was just going to add that you may need to reassure him that your life will be enriched and not spoiled by the new additions.

Is he perhaps concerned about your Ex partners? Having to negotiate with people you thought were in the past, could be an issue.
Never mind. You are a strong resilient couple and will be fine.

It sounds to me that the is trying to dampen down your enthusiasm for a new baby, you need to be aware that the new mother may not welcome your help. Don’t fall into the trap of interfering, offer to help by all means but dont impose yourself.

Men are usually ambivalent about babies, but if your involvement is affecting your relationship you are probably doing too much.

The first grandchild is always exciting, so no wonder you are making forward plans.
I would exercise caution here though. This child is not coming into the world to fill a gap in your life, but to enhance it.
Your husband may just be being slightly cautious as he can see what might lie ahead as other grandchildren follow.
It may seem odd but I think it is important to listen to him and maybe decide in advance how much contact you would each like after the baby is born.
More important than this though is to have clear communication with the parents as to what they expect from you too.
It is so easy to get carried away and these are very, very early days so my advice is to calm down a little and be open to things not turning out quite how you expected.
May be even better- who knows?

Thank you everyone.
I agree it will be a wait and see! The other grandma will be heavily involved, so without a doubt my son and partner will have a lot of willing and loving support, should they want it. And yes, conversations need to be had with my husband which we have started already. As someone said ‘blended families’ do require a lot of negotiation, compromise etc, and as another person said ‘blood is thicker than water’. You have a given me lots to think about and so good to know that others have been in similar situations, and it’s been ok in the end, as most things are.