Second Marriage & Grandchildren

Kent75
I’m sad to read of your husbands comments 😢
As he hasn’t yet got any GC of his own he obviously has no understanding of how you are feeling . It must be particularly upsetting for you .
I too am on my 2nd marriage- 3rd for my DH . At the time of our marriage we had 8 children between us his youngest 2 from his 2nd marriage the same ages as my 2 GC I also had a new GD . He also had 2 GC of his own of similar ages from the DC of his 2nd marriage .
A few years on & we both had a succession of GC all coming along together . DH ia wonderful with all of my DGC , they have known him all of their lives - & as they have their own GF have given him a special name .
In fact I would say he sees more of my DG & is more involved with them than he is with his own DGC .
No rift it’s just how it is .
I would like to think that once your 1st DGC comes along he will be as smitten as you , I mean who can resist a beautiful new baby . And if you live away from them in the future then copious visits marked on the calendar 😘

Kent75
Oh dear being this way about a as yet inborn GC is one thing when it’s understood he has no GC . But really being what seems like “ threatened “ by a friends dog 🐶 he is not a dog lover ? And anyway having a dog for a day stay is no hardship unless you have something like a spa day or theatre trip planned , dogs just go with you wherever you go .

We are currently in our caravan visiting my son and his family. We have GC from all 4 of our AC and I have come to realise that my DH isn't that bothered about any of them, the 4 from his side nor the 4 from mine. He much prefers our dog who he treats like a baby. I just crack on with what I want to do and he can put up or shut up. Being a grandma is blooming marvellous! Enjoy it! 😉

I can only speak from experience :
My DP is jealous of the time I spend with my DC (grown up with their children ) and jealous of my DGC.
He just retired, immediately went back 2 days a week and begrudges me time with my DC and DGC it’s heartbreaking I am thinking of leaving as I can’t go on like this - I’m 64 and not in good physical health so I don’t know how I’d support myself…but I will find a way.
Grown men who are your partners should love and support you in the love and excitement about DGC !
He now has DGC on his ‘side’ and I do love and support them. He wanted to move to the coast in retirement but now my Dd lives near the coast he has changed tack ! And also he doesn’t want to be “too close” to his own DGC as he doesn’t want to have to look after them regularly …
I think he needs therapy as his Mother left him as a young child and he is broken 💔
I hope your DP can share in the joy of DGC
xxx

My DH and I are both on second marriages. He has a DS and DD and I have a DD and 3 DSs. He has no DGs and I have 7 ranging from 31 to 2. We decide early on that his GD, when his children had them and I would be stewaris not gran or any othe r form of grandparent name. He would be. and is, Kenny. he's not their grandfather and the younger ones just accept it, the older ones are glad to be treated as adults and the in betweenies think it's great to call an ancient adult by their christian name. It works for us.

I haven’t personal experience of blended families, but just wanted to say congratulations and I hope you and your OH will enjoy the new baby.

Like others have said, he’s just not as bowled over as you are, it not being one of his children expecting a baby.

Two things though. My DH wasn’t at all interested in either of my pregnancies when we had our 2 sons, but has been a brilliant dad and now grandpa.

Also as paternal grandparents, we haven’t been nearly so involved with our dgds as I imagined we would be, and much less than the other grandparents. Just how it is, and we do see them pretty regularly and love them dearly.

I just have to remember they aren’t our children, after all.

It is difficult when the grandchildren aren’t ones partner’s. I’m in the same position, fortunately my husband doesn’t complain when I look after mine but he has no interest in helping out so I do my childcare alone. I am a little envious when I see doting grandparents as I feel like a single parent all over again except I’m 40 years older!! But I remember how unhappily married I was so I grit my teeth! But you’re right, blended families with grandchildren do bring some problems. Going on holiday with your grand child and family but without him is a good solution, that’s what I do. It will be interesting to see how he responds, though, when he has grandchildren. I wonder if he’ll look after his on his own without any input from you? Good luck and enjoy being a granny.

Whatever you do, don’t let this grumpy, jealous git spoil your excitement about your grandchild! My husband (2nd marriage, no grandkids) has been a total bloody pain about this for years, since my delightful granddaughter was born, and then my grandson. My grandkids are fantastic and I adore them and I’d be happy to drop this curmudgeon like a hot potato. Fortunately my daughter is an intelligent and insightful young woman who knows how threatened he is and it’s not an issue. He’s nuts. Enjoy! Lucky girl!!!! Jump up and down and shriek and shout. Sod him. Xxxx

in my big family there no steps so no jealousy
maybe he thinks he has no part in it that is easy to change he is a grandpa too

i had 2 dads 2 moms mom met my stepdad and married him when i was10.they were divorced 15 years later and 20 years later she remarried to the she was died but 25s years before at my half brothers wedding .i have a picture of the bio dad ,my step dad ,and the 3rd husband one picture!
when a baby i born every gets excited .nephew is soon to be a dad we are so happy. this a good thing
my native part of my family my grand mom was pregnent at 16
when he married her and it was not his after that they had 6 more children nobody knew about first baby until they died 78 year later thought she was granpas.. no biggy

It seems unfair to up end your plans for moving to the coast without proper discussion. Most babies don't spend the night until they are about 3 from my experience. I find that my children want to be the parents, and don't really need me to be anything but a fun granny. Be plan B for the grands, but not plan A. Cultivate seeing the child when you want to see them instead of being told. This is a good way to do it, so you don't feel taken advantage of and your husband will be more in control.

The grandchild must be born or very nearly so, as the OP was posted on May 26th 2024.
Now the fun will start. Possibly.