Second Marriage & Grandchildren

Speaking from experience, your children are still youngish. Over the last 14 years, your husband has helped you rear them, and he was looking forward to some time with you and without the responsibility for young people.
If you make him and you a priority, then all should be fine. Consult with him before you volunteer for babysitting duty when he is home. Also, limit the number of consecutive weekends you are willing to help out to allow time for you and him. If you kids are like my kids, you will be reaching out to them far more often than they will be reaching out to you. This is the sign of good, mature parents who are ready to rear their own children and let grandparents just be grandparents when they want to be. It is hard to resist sweet little babies once they are part of the family.

I read something here on GN which made me stop and think. I can't remember who, but someone said that they would never put their DH above their DC. I am so, so, guilty of slipping into this sometimes and when I read this person's post, I had a Wake Up moment to remind me that MY views are more important than my DH views. When I was very young - 21 I think - I gave birth to a little boy and my husband had a vicious jealousy of my love for our child. So weird !!! He is not in my life now (thank goodness) and not in my son's life (thank goodness). Biology is strange. Motherhood is strange but wonderful. I don't know how to make sense of any of this. My only confidence is Love Your Children. Love Your GC. Anything else is ........... I don't even know a word to describe (sorry). Do what's right. I think Dr. Spock said that you already have it IN you. I agree.

Tell him to grow up, he is going to be a Grandparent ...,start acting like one !

My DH was a bit like this when my DD (not his) was pregnant with the first grandchild. However it was love at first sight when the baby arrived. He was very involved and was more likely than me to say yes to babysitting! Same again when number 2 arrived. They were his absolute joy.

I wouldn’t say your husband is ‘jealous’ Id say he’s worried about upsetting his current applecart. He is comfortable with his current life and the sudden introduction of a new baby and all the sometimes chaos and disruption that can mean, is worrying him as is the thought that you might not want to move.

Kent75
I think people forget that people have very different experiences of being parented. My grandmother never engaged or played with us as children. She sat in her chair and talked to my parents and my sister and I were expected to sit still and not talk. My parents were in their 50s when they became grandparents .They had my family, husband and two children over once only for Xmas as they found it too much. They never babysat but we did visit bi monthly for Sunday lunch but we were expected to reciprocate. They were not horrible people. This was just how it was done. Your husband may not be jealous, he may not have had your experience.

My OH is a brilliant Grandad to our 5 grandchildren and always has been from the day they were born. They may not be his 'blood' grandchildren but they absolutely worship him and he is their Grandad. He has supported them and nurtured them from birth and they know he will always be there for them. Much more of a role model to them than their blood Grandad that's for sure.

I'm also in a second blended family. My husband's elder child started sprogging three years ago and I have been very happy to join in the joy and to produce hand made gifts etc for the grandchildren. My own elder child is now expecting and I detect a degree of uninterest in my husband, but frankly, I'm not going to let it spoil anything and anyway, he's quite self-aware enough not to grump. Probably helps that my child lives abroad, so face-to-face grandparenting will be somewhat limited.

My second husband has known my boys since they were 9 and 10 but has never been “Grandad” to their children who range in ages from 18 to 8. He is known by his first name to them. It has always upset me that this is the case but I can’t make him feel the same about them as I do. We have two adult children of our own now who aren’t parents yet, but he has said how excited he will be when he becomes a grandad. Can’t force feelings unfortunately. You enjoy your grandchild and ignore his feelings, such a special time.

Your husband sounds very insecure.
I'm sure once baby arrives he will show a lot more enthusiasm.
Until then it's straight to bed for him, with no supper or story !

You are right it is different for him. Not sure how old you both are but most of our DGC arrived when we were fairly young. Years go by and DH and I are no longer required for babysitting etc and have lots of time for the two of us. Everything passes

I’m a step grandparent, and I was super excited when we knew they were pregnant. The children treat me like a grandparent, but know I’m not biologically related. We and their parents have always been open about the situation. There biological grandparents are in their lives and their just happen to have lots of us.! They come and stay because they enjoy spending time with me and their grandad (who’s not well these days). I think the relationship is more important than biology!

gillyjp

My OH is a brilliant Grandad to our 5 grandchildren and always has been from the day they were born. They may not be his 'blood' grandchildren but they absolutely worship him and he is their Grandad. He has supported them and nurtured them from birth and they know he will always be there for them. Much more of a role model to them than their blood Grandad that's for sure.

Oh well good for you. How does this help the OP?

I am a step-mother. My lovely step daughter calls me Mary, but refers to me as “granny” to her son. Both my husband, her dear father, and myself were very excited when our grandson was born.

I think your husband is being a bit mean!

You can’t really predict how things will turn out. My late husband was not really close to my grandchildren when they were little, but he developed a real bond as the youngest grandson grew up. On the other hand, my stepson always made it clear, when he had a child, that my husband was the only true grandparent, not me. He called me Granny Cabbie, not just Granny. It all fitted the dynamic of our blended relationships, however.
So wait and see how things go. Too many tales of grandparents who are over-invested in their grandchildren sound a note of caution as more arrive, so spread your time and energy around.

My son mil is in your position she only got one girl if we go out on family trips with the grandkids he stays home and she goes out with us on her own as she says why should she miss out for mr grumpy and grandkids do sleep over once baby comes he might change but if he doesn’t baby part of your family so he can have a grump you enjoy this special time and congratulations welcome to the granny club lol

Shelflife

He his being childish and unfair! Don't allow him to dictate your relationship with GC.

This!
What a kill Joy - Be firm OP and don’t let him dampen your excitement for your new grandchild

I would wait and see OP. My husband is not my children’s father but he was involved before my grandchildren were born.
He wasn’t particularly excited about their arrival (think he is just not a baby person actually cause he’s now similar about his own!) and I think possibly he was worried too about the impact on our lives as we were also planning to move to the coast.
However now they are slightly older he is great as he can play and talk to them and they all love him very much.
We also compromised with moving and got a flat by the coast as a holiday home which everyone can use which is actually the best of both worlds.
Things have got a way of sorting themselves out but don’t let it dampen your excitement.

Unusually, I find I'm not in agreement with lots of people on this thread.
Many men aren't all that excited by babies, and I can understand that Kent75's husband might feel that, with all the children grown up, it's time for him and her to have some fun together.
Maybe he would be more excited if a grandchild were to be born to one of his own children.
Sorry, but in view of the fact that Kent is the paternal grandmother, she may well find that her DiL cleaves to her own family first. (Old word, but perhaps appropriate here.)
Stand back and enjoy your marriage, would be my advice.

My husband was similarly doubtful when my great niece arrived ( for various reasons, we are like grandparents to little ‘un, but hubby is only related through marriage). Fast forward 18 months and he and baby are firm chums and he absolutely delights in her. So carry on with your enthusiasm, point out that you can’t wait for his two to have kids as well, and wait for baby magic to happen!

I would suggest that your share your excitement with your DIL who is obviously willing to share with you and if you have read some of all the other threads on this subject, you will realise just how fortunate you are.

Your husband may feel differently when the baby is born, or not, but talking a lot about something that does not interest him is not the way to get any man to take an interst.

Nor should you make it too plain right now that you are inclined not to want to move away as there is a grandchild coming.

A lot of men cannot take an interest in a child until it is actually here, others take no interest in infants, but will be happy grandfathers once the child is older.

If your husband is one of those who takes little or no interest in children then you cannot change him, and you will have to find some kind of reasonable compromise.

Possibly when the little one is born he'll be different. My husband had no children of his own when we married (I had 3) we adopted 2 more. My older 3 who have had children are treated just like "real" grandchildren.

Agree with all the comments. He's jealous and needs to grow upand realise he us not the centre of attention any more. It is very exciting and enjoy every minute of your new little grandchild

I don't think he's jealous. He just doesn't feel the same as you.
HeatherMH's experience is the same as mine.

I think a lot of men are like that, whereas many women are family orientated and can't wait for grandchildren to come along. When they do arrive, many men are just as besotted and helpful (in different ways) as their OH. Not in same position as no SC but DH is less enthusiastic about some things but "reluctantly" chases DGC all over house, plays endless games with them and steps in when required. Your DH may change when baby arrives. It's different being a grandfather to the responsibility of being a father.