Anyone else feel surplus to requirements ?

LittleToothill

I’m very blessed , I’ve got 4 adult children aged 47-33 and 7 , soon to be 8 grandchildren . However when we have family get togethers I now feel like the stereotypical grandma sat in a chair in the corner with a glass of sherry falling asleep ! . I know this is probably the order of things now I’m 68 but I don’t like this change of my status

My family like to do games and adventures , most of which I wouldn’t or can’t do , but I do sometimes feel excluded , although I’m sure my gang don’t intend for me to be . And to be honest after a full family day together I’m usually more exhausted than I care to admit

I know the issue is mine & I need to accept my twilight years with ‘ good grace’ & my hubby is less bothered about this than I am , but I really don’t like feeling like a spare part

I’m a very sensitive soul & I just wondered if others have felt like I do now ?

Twilight years!! At 68! Good god

This is the second or third post I’ve read recently where I assumed the writer was in the 80s, only to discover they are the same age as me.

OP, as others have said, 68 is not particularly old, and unless you have health or mobility problems, there must be many things you could do with your family. My about to be 76 year old husband is going kayaking with some of ours this weekend, and we’re all off to a theme park next week, for example.

I don’t drink sherry. I’ve been exploring a range of white rums recently though.

I'd like yo be surplus to requirements sometimes.

Just be yourself… and maybe you’re more of an introvert than you realised?
Btw, those of us who couldn’t get the state pension at 60 are entitled to feel a bit more weary at 68 perhaps?!? ;-)

DH was the sort of guy who people always enjoyed talking with. At 79, I do feel a bit "out of it" nowadays when the AC and GC get together. Their world is different It's okay

Not really, I’m almost 66 and do have some medical issues, but our family get togethers are always a scream and such fun! We always play something, I normally lose!

Thank you for your comments & yes we do see each family group separately too . It’s our Golden Wedding Anniversary next year and we’ve booked a large Villa for us to stay together for a week . I’m just a little concerned we will either hold them back or even get left behind ( although I’m fairly certain they wouldn’t be that insensitive )

I’m 64 and still working with young children the girls at work treat me like I’m one of them age is a state of mind!mind you try telling my knees and hips that after a days work😂 I do join in with most things even with the family feel more surpassed to requirement as they are getting older but know that’s just a busy life thing.

we feel the oposite, 68 and 70 often think they think we will go on forever, we like it that way though. When they stop asking is when they think we are too old! The parcel man came the other day and was wary of my husband taking the parcel "because its heavy!" Husband was not impressed,

Just read your comments woolywoman agree x

Buy (or make) the sock game! Something all the family can join in with no matter what age, and no need to be mobile as the sock comes to you! Place lots of identical tiny objects in 2 long socks - use playing cards to represent the objects (make a table or if old cards, just write on them - eg ace of spades = a thimble. 2 of hearts = a dice). Divide family into 2 teams. Shuffle cards then turn them over one by one to decide what object needs to be found. a member of each team (in turn) gets their hand into the sock and the first to find the correct item gets a point. Great fun and easy! (hardest part is finding 2 of each small object x 20 or more)

I don’t like this change of my status

I’ve never thought of my status in the family. I’ve been a daughter, a wife, a mother and now a grandma but what’s important to me is the relationships I have with the individual family members, based on mutual respect.
‘Status’ just doesn’t come into it.

I do understand and it is sometimes hard to see our children and grandchildren moving ahead and doing things without us - we were once so central to their lives. But look back - we too moved on from our parents in order to become free standing adults - or we hoped or needed to do that. It didn't mean we didn't care about them, or know how much they mattered to us. My family all live far enough away that I don't see any of them often - the internet helps us stay in touch, which is good. But it has been important to me to find a life which is not centred on my role as mother and grandmother, much though I love my children and grandchildren. I am much older than the OP but have never thought I was in my 'twilight years' - I am just finding new ways to be and new things to do. I am not saying this is easy, but life is not easy. Currently my challenge is this - I am writing a book. It is hard and rewarding and I think original and also well grounded - exciting and real work! But there are so many other things anyone could do, personal and rewarding challenges to take on and also love our roles in our families.

Yeah this is me now, too. But I am pleased I can be left to rest actually. It means when they've gone I still have some energy for my hobbies instead of having to have a whole day resting, aching from jumping up and down doing things for them.

Some great comments here. I'm lucky to be well at 68 and skied with the 17 years GD and her father last Christmas. Do accept that things change though but our GD's expect me to do everything - its lovely

Good grief, I'm 84 and get on with things. I've just cut the grass of 80ft long garden, dug up some dying plants and it's only 11.30a.m.

‘Family get-together’. Arrrrrggggh! I’d invent a foreign holiday to avoid one!

Play to your strengths - for example, if you're good at baking, tell the family you're organising a 'Great Family Bake Off' competition and get the kids involved or having a 'Family Masterchef' competition if you're generally skilled in the kitchen. If not, a craft competition or a family quiz (quiz based around Disney movies or something the kids could join in too). Just because you can't join in all their adventures, doesn't mean you can't do something where you're more included.

Tuaim I fully understand what you say, especially shouting in the phone. I had that really badly on one occasion that I got up to move to another seat (I was at the window) saying I was moving as I didn't want to be deafened in one ear with all the shouting. Male passenger in front turned around telling her to cut down on the noise too. Passenger was scarlet with embarrassment!

I'm 65 and just feel like I only get to see the GD when she needs babysitting. It's really frustrating but I daren't say anything as the DiL has got a real stick up her butt about everything (real control freak) and son thinks the son shines out of her proverbial. I love my son but he's no longer the person he used to be. He seems cowed and quiet and I raised him to be a free spirit. DiL is always correcting me about things I do with the GD - showing her a bumble bee was "teaching her to do stupid, dangerous things." I am so depressed.

@MissAdventure I know how you feel. DH never stops wanting to go on holiday and DD has just asked us to go and help her after an operation in the autumn. In my twilight years I’ve to feed 8 people for an indeterminate time . I’m trying to prep my house for old age but again DH has baulked at taking out the bath and putting a walk-in shower. He has happily arranged the most complicated journey imaginable to the DD 's home in the autumn and just climbed a ladder onto the roof having told me an hour ago that his blood pressure is60/90. I would dearly love to sit in a corner with a g&t and a book,not even a good book but a regency rom com would do. We will both be 80 next year.

I'm 83 and am quite pleased to be known as the 'Matriarch'. It's not a 'loss of status', just a change of status. I can't join the family in active holidays, but I can be there at family gatherings and always find my grandchildren (16 - 32) happy to talk to me and tell me about their activities and adventures. I rarely say 'when I was your age...' but they do ask me about the things I have done in the last 80 years - history to them! What a joy it is when the phone rings and I hear, 'Hi, gran...'. And now there is a new generation in the shape of my two-year-old DGGD. What a treat it is when my DGD, her mum, brings her to see me.

At 68 you are far too young to be sitting in the corner withe a sherry for company.

I am 72 and have never been so busy.

I envy you “the family gatherings”, I’ve no surviving relatives, gosh what I’d give to be surrounded by family. Please relish what you have.

Well said Woollywoman. I’m a very young late sixties, if I sit down in the afternoon it just happens or me, I do fall asleep. So I try not to sit down. I have osteoporosis which hopefully with a few years medication and some work from me will improve. A couple of other issues that probably could contribute. But a can do attitude works wonders.