Daughter in law lying to cafcass.

Been in this situation for a while now. It is incredible to me how much power over people's lives (and childrens) lie in the hands of cafcass and it is impossble to make any complaint against them.
I also cannot understand why Cafcass cannot see through the blatant lies but sometimes I feel that even if they have doubts it is easier to go with the RP's lies than to take it further. I think dometimes it is easier that way, than even taking notice of what the child is saying.
I am afraid that havig been in this situation for five years there is nothing you can do.
Cafcass is beyond question in the system, and children are caught up n this trap, sorry.

I am very sorry for this but the behaviour of your DiL is quite normal. Many parents, not just mothers, try to cut their chldren off from their partner and thir family by accusations of abuse and violence.

All your son can do is persist in constantly drawing her behaviour before the court. He should also continue to send cards and presents to the children, making sure he photographs what he has sent, and has a certificate of posting, so that he can show that he has continued attempts to keep in contact with his children, similalry with emails, texts or other communication.

He, himself should never say anything against his wife or lose hos temper. Ahead of him is a long war of attrition. Keep records of everything she does or says.

Really good advice from MOnica .
As usual .

Thank you both for your comments. So very sorry to hear this keepingquiet. I pray it doesn’t go on for years as its already affecting myself and my husband’s health as we were very involved in our grandchildrens lives and we miss them so much. Our DIL gladly sent them to us for sleepovers etc.
MOnica, we send cards and gifts but think they are disposed of. We take photos. I appreciate your comments. Thank you. Its just so hard and very worrying what the outcome will be. I will never understand how people can be like this using innocent children.

Easybeach4

Thank you both for your comments. So very sorry to hear this keepingquiet. I pray it doesn’t go on for years as its already affecting myself and my husband’s health as we were very involved in our grandchildrens lives and we miss them so much. Our DIL gladly sent them to us for sleepovers etc.
MOnica, we send cards and gifts but think they are disposed of. We take photos. I appreciate your comments. Thank you. Its just so hard and very worrying what the outcome will be. I will never understand how people can be like this using innocent children.

I will PM you

Depending on the age of the children, is their father in contact with their school/ nursery? it is important that he maintains contact as he has parental responsibility; he can ask for copies of reports and notification of events such as parents' evenings and Sports days, plays etc. and the school cannot refuse to allow him access unless there is a specific court order forbidding contact in place. If he does not live nearby it is worth taking time off to ask for a meeting with the Head to explain the situation; this is an increasingly common situation in schools now.

Good advice given here for your son, to keep calm. Having trod this crucifying path some years ago, and felt near to despair, eventually the truth allowed a decent outcome. Don't forget that CAFCASS have seen and heard it all before, and while you may think they are not aware, they must be seen to be absolutely impartial. Any comment to one parent about not believing the other might well be aired, and then a complaint of unfairness and discrimination could be made. Liars have to have extremely good memories - if your son sticks to the honest truth he will impress those who make the decisions.

Good advice about taking the photos , but more important the proof of postage.

Yes, also don't forget that Cafcass will also speak to the children if they are able to communicate. Their statements will be informal and not necessary for the decision making until they reach the age of 10- when their wishes are taken more into consideration.

I cannot agree that the Cafcass officer is impartial though, I have found them to be the opposite. I have evidence of this bias but no complaint can be made against them. Our experience has been quite traumatic and although we do now have time with our GC is is far from enough. Our little GDs life is becoming more impacted as she gets older. These difficulties are added to by Cafcass and the family court system, which seems unable to make common sense decisions and are always watching their own backs.
Meanwhile, the children suffer...

Does your son know about a charity called Both Parents Matter (formerly known as Families Need Fathers). They provide emotional support to non resident parents and also advice on how to navigate the system and encouragement not to give up.
Parental Alienation is a modern scourge because women often tell lies and expect the Courts to believe them. Playng the victim card is second nature to some women.

This is, as M0nica said, sadly nothing new.
It is not always the mothers though - fathers can be just as controlling - and many adults just don't put the children first in the "battle" with their ex.

Cafcass is trying to get to the truth but will always be "on the side" of the children.

NotSpaghetti

This is, as M0nica said, sadly nothing new.
It is not always the mothers though - fathers can be just as controlling - and many adults just don't put the children first in the "battle" with their ex.

Cafcass is trying to get to the truth but will always be "on the side" of the children.

That has not been my experience unfortunately- Cafcass officers are human beings and make mistakes. The issue lies with how much influence they have over the court, which is a lot.

In my case going to court is a waste of time- they just rubber stamp the section 7 report, and so why bother?

The system is broken and needs urgent repair for the sake of the children...

eazybee,thank you for your comments. My son is in touch with the school and he does get reports and goes to parents evening (on his own)but dadly he wanted to attend spirts day and the end of term play but DIL said if he turned up she would take them home and he wouldn’t let that happen as it would be so u fair on the children so he didnt attend. We have missed their birthdays as again she refused anyone to see them. The solicitor said their is absolutely nothing we can do until a court order is done and child arrangements are put in place. Its so very unfair on our son,us and the children . Their should be a law against alienation.
But i appreciate very much all your very helpful comments. You think its just you going through it but sadly its very common.

Netherbyg84..Thank you for informing me about the charity. I will let my son know .

Just wanted to express my sympathy Easybeach. Such a cruel and bitchy thing to do when you and your son have been so close to your grandchildren. I hope her actions come back and bite her at some point. Karma's a bitch.

Thank you Opal, my daughter is convinced that karma will come around. I really hope so for all the unnecessary stress and devastation she has caused.😔

I'm not still waiting for Karma- after 4 years I don't believe in it anymore...meanwhile my GC is used as a weapon.

keeepingquiet still waiting after 12.5 years.

So sorry to read about what your d.i.l.'s doing to the children, your son and you and your DH Easybeach. Some good advice has been given here; I hope something can be sorted out.

This is par for the course, your son will give his side of the argument, children will have their say if they are old enough, court will decide. Unless there are very good reasons the mother will get custody of younger children, if she is aggrieved she can make life very difficult.

There is no logic to breakups, couples who seem well suited fall out, so do couples unsuited, grandparents pick up the pieces as best they can, best hope is the children stay local.

Good for your son for attending parents' evenings, and if his wife threatens to remove the children from sports day etc if he should attend make sure school is aware, as it would be recorded as an unauthorised absence.
A horrible situation for you all, but perseverance does pay off eventually.

Perseverence is onething- but Cafcass can issue court orders preventing fathers for reapplying to court until the child is 18 years old?

This is what my son has been 'threatened' with.

keepingquiet

Perseverence is onething- but Cafcass can issue court orders preventing fathers for reapplying to court until the child is 18 years old?

This is what my son has been 'threatened' with.

How old are the children currently?

Cafcass don't issue court orders.
And I think this is colloquially a "barring order". These are extremely rare. It doesn't mean you can't go back - just that you need permission to proceed. (If you know this, apologies).

I am sorry it seems to all be going wrong.

No, it isn't a court order (although most court orders are based on the Cafcass section 7 report) but it is a recommendation that they can invoke this clause, even if, as you say, it is rare.

Maybe there are some impartial and experienced Cafcass officers out there, but the one we have just isn't up to the job and it seems there's nothing anyone can do about it...