Daughter in law lying to cafcass.

Thank you anna7 for sharing your experience.

Yes, Easybeach, take no notice.

The truth eventually comes out, this is what we hope for...

I don't really understand what the poster was saying really.

Easybeach, you didn't deserve that, how dare you be spoken to like that by Hithere .I am so sorry for your painful situation.
Ladygaga, I hope your stepson stays strong, glad the children have told the truth and are with him. Some women shouldn't be mothers.

Easybeach,

The comment wasn't directed to your son at all, that is why I did started it "generally speaking"

I feel some sympathy for the wife now that it is clear the husband has left the marriage. His wife is facing an uncertain and possibly bleak future, bringing up two children mainly on her own, although she is wrong to prevent the children from seeing their father, for their sake, not his. At present she feels that the person whom she should be able to rely on for support is twisting the knife still further.

I don't know the reasons why the father left the marriage and it is not my business but he is the one initiating the divorce and I can only assume his wife does not want to divorce. With such young children it is sad that he cannot make more effort to overcome the difficulties, for the sake of the children. It is what all children want, their parents to be together.

Hithere
Well it feels very personal when you mention and put on the link from February. Yes its been going on for a very long time and as i said before, it could have been all sorted a long time ago.
I really dont need comments like yours to add to the horrendous stress

eazybee
The marriage should have ended a long time ago and our son made the very difficult decision to leave and DIL very much wants a divorce . He has been doing everything he possibly can to make the whole tragic situation as easy as possible for the children.
We never wanted this to happen but it has and all we want is for the children to have both parents in their lives because its so important for their happiness and stability

The oldest child is eight , That is not long.

eazybee.. it is if its not working and making everyone unhappy. Surely its in the best interest for the children to have happy parents who live separately

I agree- constant fighting by the parents is not healthy in the long term. Unfortunately family court still sees men as having a minor role in parenting and just haven't kept up with how men really want to be more involved with their kids now, even though the relationship may be over...

It’s so interesting to read other peoples experiences, but also very sad that it happens at all. There’s no easy answer to these very complex situations. I agree that men are always on the back foot where children are concerned. In my case, my ex DIL turns on the tears - she’s a pretty girl, and (I’m sorry to say but it’s true) the big burley male police officers fall for it every time. At least the female officers don’t seem seem to fall for it as much. It makes me so sad that the children are seen by her as possessions to gain power with. My GD told the social worker that she feels like a toy being passed around.
No one can truly know a situation unless you’re in it, so I wish everyone the strength to keep going for the sake of fairness and justice. Let’s hope karma really is a bi**h.

Isn't wishing for karma here just revenge?

I don't know if that is fairness and justice when it comes to children's lives...

But the mother isn't happy, is she, hence her behaviour.

Sorry, but I have seen the result of divorce on children countless times through work, and it is so easy now for families to be split because one parent 'has had enough.'

Cafcass is so important, the children need representation that is focused on their needs. I think if allowed to do their jobs and parents are co-operative, things usually go the right way.

eazybee, the more we learn about the impact of divorce on children, the greater my understanding of the compromises made by parents who stay together for the sake of the children
The current approach is parents sharing fifty fifty care of the children. It can work but it needs parents who work together, don’t play games and always put the children’s needs first. My fear is children who lack a solid base

Yes- 50/50 care should be the way forward if circumstances allow. This is what my son wanted but he gets far less- a few hours a week is just not enough.

He has never been allowed to be a parent- just a fun dad who does fun things because they both want to make the most of those precious few hours...