ADHD, SEN and other problems in children

Well SkyDancer, I’m your generation and I’m not certain who you mean by “these children”. Or indeed whether you believe labelling children as naughty is a more effective way of meeting their needs than having a professional assessment. That identifies whether poor parenting (Welsh poppy) or neuro diversity underpinned the difficulties
I was involved in running parenting skills groups at CAMHS an in family centres. Some children are more difficult to bring up than others

When I was at primary school I have a memory of there being two classes in my final year. The class I was in which consisted of children that the school thought would pass the 11+. But there was another class. All I can assume is that the children in it had various problems, autism, dyslexia etc. I even had a friend decades ago who was a primary school headmistress and I can remember her saying that there was no such thing as dyslexia. So many children must have fallen through the cracks .

My 39 year old daughter was only diagnosed as dyslexic when retaking maths and science gcse. She somehow managed a 2.1 in performance drama degree, but needed better gcse science and maths for her pgtc.
I’d first suggested she’s dyslexic at 7, again at 11, again at 16, sixth form. She’d gone to good schools, well supported at home and she’s a very hard worker
The diagnosis stopped her saying - well I’m not very bright ami I“
She was an excellent teacher.. she’s now supporting her 9 year old who got a diagnosis after gran paid

Mollygo

^Does it worry you that you brought up a daughter who seems unable or unwilling to protect her child? What do you think went wrong?^

What an awful accusation.

When we were younger, we were never faced with the expectations that we have today. If we saw a badly behaved child, that’s exactly what we could say.

We didn’t have to worry that others would accuse us of being uncaring about the multitude of labels that have proliferated with the growth of knowledge and the endless quest for reasons.

By the time my DGS with ASC was having meltdowns in cafés or playgrounds, we still expected to deal with the situation to lessen the impact on others. Many abandoned cups of coffee (mine) and ice creams (his) and planned picnics in the park and endless preparatory social stories later, he slowly began to realise that his behaviour had consequences he didn’t like, and understand that the behaviour patterned in the stories was what he should do.
It wasn’t a cure, just management.

Now there is as much if not more censure of people objecting to the sort of behaviour mentioned in the OP as there is of the parents trying to deal with it.

I was making a point, sorry you missed it. Exdancer is very judgemental, how does she like being judged?

ExDancer

*theworriedwell*, I think I may have tried to bring my own children up to be polite and kind to people with mental problems. To exclude them from activities just because they are 'different' seems unkind.
Anyway, this post was really a request for an explanation re the meaning of the bewildering list of initials we are faced with - I used the little girl as an example that's all, not as an invitation for perfect mothers to shoot me down in flames.
What I should have asked is ..... please explain what all these initials mean, and why are so many children labelled with them these days.

No be honest, you were being judgemental but it isn't as much fun when you're the one being judged. If you'd just wanted to know what the letters mean you could Google it or just ask the question.

Iam64

My 39 year old daughter was only diagnosed as dyslexic when retaking maths and science gcse. She somehow managed a 2.1 in performance drama degree, but needed better gcse science and maths for her pgtc.
I’d first suggested she’s dyslexic at 7, again at 11, again at 16, sixth form. She’d gone to good schools, well supported at home and she’s a very hard worker
The diagnosis stopped her saying - well I’m not very bright ami I“
She was an excellent teacher.. she’s now supporting her 9 year old who got a diagnosis after gran paid

Sad how children didn't get the right help, I suppose it still happens. Congratulations on your daughter's achievements you must be proud and lovely that you got the assessment for your grandchild.

I have had ADHD and dyspraxia all my life. I am 82. My son is the same and DGS has ADHD and disautonomia. My son's and then my dyspraxia were diagnosed 40 years ago. The probability we both hadADHD was suggested afew years later

DS and I went through normal school without being disruptive. We had our problems but they only affected us, not other children or teachers.

I would notsay that troublesome children with ADHD was the resullt ofbad parenting. There will always be those at the extremes, but I do think a lot suffer from inappropriate parenting.

Peace34

This is an odd thread

1. You say the child was not told off - how do you know? How do you know the mum did not sit with them at home and reinforce what is unacceptable or not?

2. Kids do break things. The child is 4. Whether or not she has ND is irrelevant. This happens with kids and you do not know what conversations happened at home about it.

3. Impulsivity is a huge issue in ND and it’s not necessarily them being ‘bad’.
Many adults still struggle with this as it is a key part of ADHD.

4. The bigger issue is your daughter not being able to assert her boundaries. If she does not want the family in her house she needs to say that. Rather than moaning and then it turning into a debate around the child’s behaviour and/or ADHD which is not something your daughter can control. She can control her own actions in saying no to the mother for a play date.

Absolutely agree with you.

The issue is not about neurodiversity and whether "it was around" in the OPs day. It's about having a child in one's house and garden who one doesn't want there. Just say it's not working because the children don't get on. No need for a debate about anything else.

While we all feel for the family with a child with problems I do feel all children need to feel safe I their own space. Adults would not invite someone into there home who hurts them and breaks their things.

Cambsnan

While we all feel for the family with a child with problems I do feel all children need to feel safe I their own space. Adults would not invite someone into there home who hurts them and breaks their things.

I am in complete agreement.